Giving 4 year old his dummy at beack

[Nowthatsamiriacle]

About 10 days ago DH and I decided that DS, who is 4, really needs to lose his dummy, as the dentist said that it was beginning to affect his teeth, causing an opebnbite. So we binned all the dummies in the house, and told DS that he couldn't have a dummy anymore. We also said that after a week without a dummy that he could have a toy of his choice.

A week has been and gone, and since then, it has been absolute hell. He's went from sleeping all the way through, to waking 3-4 times a night. His behaviour has taken a turn too. He's acting up and refusing to listen a lot more than before, this could be due to the broken sleep.

He's now began substituting sucking his thumb for when he would have had a dummy, except at bedtime. Wouldn't this cause the same problems as the dummy would?

So what I'm considering is letting DS have a dummy again but only for bedtime. I'm hoping that this will help our sleep situation, without making his teeth worse. Is this a good idea? I'm really desperate.

I think your going to have to be firm and stick it out, think long term gain. If you give in now you will only have a bigger battle when you try again. Does he have any other comforter at night - special blanket ? Cuddly toy ?

Sorry I can't help but our 3 year old still has a dummy for bedtime and he sleeps through (finally) so I'm terrified about taking it away

I would think thumb sucking might be worse as a) you can’t take it away and b) it’s not orthodontically shaped. I’m a bit surprised you were letting a 4 year old have a dummy in the day though.

No stick with it it’ll be hard but it needs done

If the dentist says it's causing problems then I think you'll just have to persist. I had a dummy at night until I was 5 and it caused no problems with my teeth but it's a bit of luck of the draw really!

I know a child whose teeth are dummy shaped due to prolonged use of the dummy and she needed speech therapy. At 4 I would stick with it as it will take a while to get out of the habit they have had since being a baby.

Id stick with it, try distraction when he's sucking his thumb too. I speak as a parent of a thumb sucker too

10 days?!! Harden up parents!! Absolutely no need for a 2 year old let alone a 4 year old to need a dummy. Sadly this situation is all your own making.

Can the DS not talk?

@Ihatehashtags super helpful post

@Ihatehashtags #unnecessaryandunhelpfulcomment

@Nowthatsamiriacle I think you have to stick to your guns now Hun FC it doesn't last too long

My 2 yr old only had the dummy at nap time and night time but the dentist told us that it was causing problems with his teeth so we ditched it. It was tough, there was broken sleep for a while, and we questioned it constantly but 4 months on he’s over it completely. Appreciate he’s younger than your boy but I think you’re going to have to persist with cold turkey unfortunately.

You have to stick with it. If not now, then when? He's 4 now. It's time. He will push through.

My dd had a dummy only at bedtime until she was nearly 4. We did the whole dummy fairy thing. She then discovered her thumb and I can’t remove that.

If I had a time machine I’d have left the dummy (strictly bedtime only) until she naturally gave it up. She is 10 now and sucks her thumb when reading or relaxing.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/3601348-3-5yo-with-no-dummy

Have a look on this thread, lots of us in the same position. It's really tough but it does get better!

Please for your DS sake stick it out we took dummy off my DS just before he turned two would have done it a lot sooner but at time I was pregnant with 2nd DC

I'm currently having to put in a complaint to my DS pre school playgroup at the fact that he had some other child's dummy in his mouth he's usually pretty good sleeps well hasn't missed having it at nights goes to sleep without it usually has one of his toys as a comfort to go to bed with etc but clearly he picked up another child's dummy and to make matters worse the nursery thought it was my DS to start off with no it isn't and no I've never sent him to nursery with a dummy 🤬 so it's more of a healthy and safety issue for me the fact they clearly weren't paying attention it was me that spotted he had something in his mouth and I thought it was a toy car or something at first also peeved that someone would send their child into pre school with a dummy but hey ho

@2beautifulbabs you're really going to put in a complaint for that? Like how many things do you think the kid's all put in their mouth and share? At least a dummy is supposed to go in mouths! Plus he may have not long had it in his month before you saw him, it's not really a complaint worthy matter surely

I sucked my thumb right up to (and after) starting school (5 in those days). It did not affect my teeth in any way. My mother was quite concerned and spent ages, as we came up to starting school, explaining that, when I went to school, I MUST NOT put my thumb in my mouth or the other children would think I was silly and make fun of me. I had no problem with that and never ever sucked my thumb at school though I did still suck it at home sometimes, especially when I was anxious or upset (right up until about 8 or so, I think). I was very crushed when, years later, I found out my mother had never believed that I managed to abstain always during school time (she was wrong). My grandmother's neighbours had a daughter who was still sucking her thumb when in her 20s and married - now, that did look silly.

For the sake of your child's teeth don't back down and give him the dummy back. I know it's a nightmare but it can't last forever. You have to be the stronger of the two here. As for him sucking his thumb there's not much you can do about that. Some things are out of your control but by not giving the dummy back you know you did everything you physically could to help him.

It is really when they said oh we thought it was his and we've had it to one side for him ummm no it's not my sons I don't send him in with a dummy never have it's just annoyed me that's all that clearly they ain't paying attention

I wouldn't give in. He has to give it up at some point and you've already started now. This is coming from someone whose ds has a dummy at night until he was 3.. we stopped it in the day at 2. We have them to the 'dummy fairy' for some money and he bought himself a treat. His teeth has grown through really crooked and now at the age of nearly 13 we are just starting on the process of orthodontist appointments which involves countless trips to the hospital and is estimated to take 2 years to correct. Not to mention the discomfort and insecurity that goes with that. It's not a walk in the park! I also had a dummy until age 5 at night and had to have orthodontic treatment which I hated. I'm actually glad I never gave my 2 dds a dummy, hopefully I won't have to go through all that with them.

Four is much too old for a dummy. Tell him to go back to sleep. He’s old enough to understand reasonable expectations.

Thumb sucking is worse as it can cause muscle wastage (I sucked my thumb until I was ten so know!). When he gets used to it it’s also worse because you can’t take it away. Give him his dummy back but set rules about when he can have it.

The thing is, if you go back now you’re going to have to do it all again at some point, aren’t you?

If you give it back, it's teaching him that if he makes enough fuss, you'll give in so it'll be harder next time. He may have resorted to his thumb but that might be to make you give the dummy back. He might not carry on sucking his thumb. Also, most DCs of his age are not having a dummy. I remember my mum telling me that I had to give it up when I started school because other DCs of my age don't have them and I won't be able to go on sleepovers etc. My mum was soft but the dentist advised her it had to stop. I didn't go on to suck my thumb. I know it's hard, I went through this recently getting my one year old off the breast. I felt so mean and guilty but I stuck with it and we got there eventually. Now she goes to sleep no problem but I remember thinking it would go on forever.