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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sad on my birthday

19 replies

Caffeto · 13/06/2019 21:28

Today is my birthday. I'm spending the evening on my own with toothache.

I asked DP to take my DS to school to let me have a lie in, he fucked about till it was too late and I went myself. I got home and he stayed in bed so I went back to sleep.

Had a nice afternoon with my family, spoiled with gifts and lunch, DP didn't join us and said he was going into town, implying it was to buy my gift.

Got home and my gift was on the table - a bunch of snacks from the corner shop and some wine. I am not materialistic at all, I have told him before that I don't care if a gift costs 50p as long as I can see there was a nice thought behind it, but this just feels like he grabbed what he could from round the corner and dumped it on the coffee table.

After my family left he went back out, to the pub. I had no childcare for DS and have been feeling shit because of toothache so I told him I didn't feel like going out. He kept texting asking if I was ok and I was honest with him saying I felt his lack of effort in my gift and buggering off out and leaving me to sit at home alone on my birthday was shitty behaviour.

He didnt really engage with what I said, returned home half- cut with a chinese for himself and is now in bed, asleep so I'm still on my own.

I don't expect a big fuss on my birthday, and he isn't one for grand gestures but this was a special birthday and now I'm left spending the evening alone in pain and pissed off.

Am I just being ungrateful and grumpy or was I right to speak up?

OP posts:
Jacksback · 13/06/2019 21:37

Right to speak up 🍰💐 for you , happy birthday
Is he always like this ?

Mikeymoo12 · 13/06/2019 21:40

Happy birthday OP. I'm so sorry your partner has behaved like this, does he do this a lot or is this the first time

Howlovely · 13/06/2019 21:43

Happy birthday!
I was about to say that toothache is the worst but your partner has actually managed to be worse than toothache! What a selfish, thoughtless prick. Is this surprising to you or is this usual?
I'm so sorry he's made your birthday so rubbish. I think you need to make it very clear to him tomorrow what an arse he's been and may be give him one more chance to redeem himself. If not then he can forget you doing anything for him again x

TeddysTale · 13/06/2019 21:47

Happy birthday!

It's my birthday too and I've also been abandoned for a better offer. Sorry you've had a crap birthday too.

Notfastjustfurious · 13/06/2019 21:48

Happy birthday! He's been a dick and you'd be right to be pissed off. Just remember this next time his birthday comes around.
Hope your toothache gets sorted soon Flowers

Caffeto · 13/06/2019 21:48

He can be a bit thoughtless sometimes but never to this extent. He is, in his own way, usually very kind and generous.

I feel like I'm being really ungrateful because I'm lucky to have had thoughtful gifts and a lovely afternoon with my parents but it just feels flat now that they're all gone and the other person who is meant to care about me cared more about doing his own thing than making sure I had a nice time.

I feel like a spoiled brat for criticising his gift as well and his reply to that was that he wouldn't bother at all in future. Even a bunch of garage flowers would have been fine!

OP posts:
AwakeNow · 13/06/2019 21:49

You have nothing to be grateful for, as far as your (so called)partner is concerned. He sounds like a selfish prick.
I am sorry about him, but at least your family was decent.

Please treat yourself to something as soon as your tooth is better. And spend a lot of money.

Caffeto · 13/06/2019 21:50

Happy Birthday Teddy Sorry your day hasn't been special either.

Flowers
OP posts:
Crunchymum · 13/06/2019 21:51

He left you and went to the pub, he came home half pissed with food just for himself?

Wowser.

I hope this behaviour is wildly out of character / is a one off? Shock

NeatFreakMama · 13/06/2019 21:52

YANBU I'd be really sad. He's put no effort in, even if he didn't get you a present but did childcare so you could relax and then organised a bottle of wine, made dinner and you watch a movie together that would be way better! Happy Birthday CakeWine

MondeoFan · 13/06/2019 21:59

I always feel sad on my birthday every.single.year.
Think it's because others don't make the effort I make for them

kunderscorej · 13/06/2019 22:02

Happy birthday OP, and to teddy, sorry you've both had rubbish days. Hope next year is better!

ConkerGame · 13/06/2019 22:09

Happy birthday OP! 🎂

YANBU at all! I would make more effort than that for you and I’ve never even met you! Is he usually like this? If so then you need to get rid as you are accepting far less than you are worth. You would be better off single as then at least you would except to be in on your own and make plans accordingly!

If he’s not usually like this then you need to ask him what the hell is going on. Oh and don’t make any effort on his birthday, please!

Caffeto · 13/06/2019 22:27

I'd have accepted being alone once my family left if I was single - but reality is they assumed I'd have had him for company or they would have stayed a little longer.

I wasnt up to a night out and don't feel like eating to be fair but some company and a movie would have been nicer than sitting feeling lonely and sore!

I have received some money for my birthday, I think I'll go shopping tomorrow after I drop DS at school, he can lie in his pit and wonder where I am.

Also, he has his borthday recently, I was between jobs at the time and very strapped for cash, but I got him a small gift that he loved and we had people round for drinks/ went out together.

OP posts:
londonmarathonhalfwaypoint · 13/06/2019 22:31

Happy birthday!

Get rid and next years will be 100x happier Flowers

EKGEMS · 13/06/2019 22:37

My god what a prize asshole! I find it hard to believe he's really a good guy with such self centered nasty behavior towards you

crimsonlake · 13/06/2019 22:44

That would be it for me, it really shows how much he cares.
Happy birthday.

PlinkPlink · 14/06/2019 00:00

He made fuck all effort. Presents from the corner shop? Not even thoughtful presents. Shitty wine and some snacks?

I'm the same as you OP. The value of the gift does NOT matter. I'd far prefer something that had thought put into it.

A walk around a local national trust place.
An afternoon at the beach.
Cooked dinner at home.
All cheapy options (maybe not NT so much) but still wonderful and thoughtful.

What a fucking loser he is - is that really the way he wants to treat you? Doesn't that speak volumes about his lack of respect for you? You deserve so much better.

FlowersCakeWine

Happy Birthday OP! I hope you have a better day. Perhaps you can arrange a nice day out with some friends where you leave the kids with him for most of the time.

I hope you can sort this and he sees what a prick he's been. You sound like you'd do alot to make his day special and it is not selfish to expect the same back.

Caffeto · 14/06/2019 06:20

Thanks all for the birthday wishes.

I wondered if I was over reacting/ being spoilt because of the pain and feeling miserable anyway. Started to feel a bit guilty that I spoke out of turn so thanks for helping me keep my resolve.

OP posts:
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