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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell ds I will have a stroke?

55 replies

Deafdonkey · 13/06/2019 20:42

My ds (10) is having health anxiety due to two close friends parents dying and another having a life threatening illness. We were watching TV and the stroke advert came on and he was visably upset by it and asked what it was. I explained best I could and DH said in front of ds that I should be worried as I'm so fat and drink too much. Now ds is sobbing.
I am fat and I am trying to turn it around but aibu to think dh was a complete fucker for worrying ds?

OP posts:
Frogarmy · 13/06/2019 21:39

Utter Knob to either a) use your son as a wake-up call for you. b) make a dig at you...that also devastates your son.

If he is usually a knob then ...well...he is a knob. And even more of one to use your son's emotions to manipulate you.

However, if he is usually a good father + kind man, then maybe he is desperate and trying to shock you into changing your lifestyle. He maybe thinks you are the selfish twunt by not caring if you leave him & a grieving son. Maybe him seeing your son struggle to cope with losing a friend has made it very obvious that losing YOU would be totally devastating. Maybe he is actually thinking of your son? Maybe he thinks you aren't thinking of either of them?

Or he could just be a selfish, nasty sod.

I don't know - but you do.

MotherOfDragonite · 13/06/2019 21:40

What a dick!

And of course it's not deserved -- that's not even the point. Even if you ate five million cheeseburgers a day, that's a desperately insensitive and awful thing to say in front of your child who has health anxiety!!!

TheInvestigator · 13/06/2019 21:40

My mum was obese and drank a bottle of wine a night. At 10 years old, I knew she was huge and drank too much... I didn't need someone else to say it. Surely he must know?

Has your husband been trying to encourage you to stop drinking? Has it been discussed before? Has he made it clear that he's worried? Because if this is a conversation you've had many times before, maybe this is him losing his rag at you. Maybe he has tried to discuss it many times but you're still drinking and he's actually concerned that you will drop dead and your son will be left to deal with that loss.

GabsAlot · 13/06/2019 21:40

Nasty bastard-is he always like this

Even if your dc werent worrying its still not nice

Teacakeandalatte · 13/06/2019 21:41

People should stop apologising for his behaviour because the OP is fat he is an absolute bastard.

mbosnz · 13/06/2019 21:44

Because if it's a glass of wine/a beer on a Friday night, it's cruel, but if it's a bottle a night or more (for example), you would deserve it.

Her son, however, did not.

If you have a problem with your partner, you take it up with your partner, you don't play piggy in the middle with your kids.

candycane222 · 13/06/2019 21:46

What a shit dad he is

Prisonbreak · 13/06/2019 21:49

He was tactless for sure but if it has revved your engine enough to make a change then maybe it’s for the best. A pp said she didn’t see overweight people in the stroke ward when visiting. I sadly only saw overweight people when visiting my MIL who passed away shortly after also leaving being a 10 year old daughter.
You recognise the problem, fix it before you can’t

Teacakeandalatte · 13/06/2019 21:51

He was tactless for sure but if it has revved your engine enough to make a change then maybe it’s for the best

Yes to LTB and it will be so much better for her and her DS mental health.

candycane222 · 13/06/2019 21:57

One thing for him to say it to OP - nasty, but there might just be an explanation. However to say it to DS who is already upset - that is plain and simple cruelty. Astonishingly thoughtless at best.

OwlBeThere · 13/06/2019 21:57

whether the OP 'deserves it' is entirely besides the point here (though, i'm very sceptical as to how shaming someone is helpful in changing how they live) he said it in front of a child who is already anxious and struggling. be a cunt all you like to another adult, but to your own child? fuck that.
i agree with Tinkobell, consider getting your DS some help before this gets out of hand.

Lunde · 13/06/2019 22:00

It is absolutely disgusting behaviour by your "D"H. When a child is having an extreme anxiety reaction a good parent would be trying to offer to calm reassurance to their child - not working hard to exacerbate their child's anxiety and fears by scoring cheap points off the other parent. He is despicable.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/06/2019 22:15

He has been very cruel! Your poor ds. I think some kind of therapy would be a good idea after that comment. Angry

Supersimpkin · 13/06/2019 22:21

One remark, two cruelly upset people - classy move, DH. You need to have a word about that.

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/06/2019 23:00

He sounds a delight. Time for a serious word I think. Your poor son will be so upset.

U2HasTheEdge · 13/06/2019 23:11

Unacceptable.

My son has HA following the death of his father. If anyone had said what your husband did to him I would go mad.

And as for OP possibly deserving it? What a disgusting thing to say.

Plannergirl9 · 13/06/2019 23:11

Unfortunately you can have a stroke without being overweight, a drinker, smoker or having high blood pressure. My mum had one 6 weeks ago and she was the picture of health.

PleasePassMeAGrip · 14/06/2019 00:45

I don’t get the posters thinking it would ever be called for to say this to someone you love - ever.

Let alone in front of a worried child.

Firstly it won’t make someone lose weight - it’s counter-effective, secondly worrying your child and also demonstrating tactlessness and insensitivity, at best, rudeness and disrespect at worst is so obviously shit parenting.

What’s he normally like?

PregnantSea · 14/06/2019 00:52

What a ridiculous thing for your DH to say to you in front of your son. Is he usually so nasty?

BeaShehe · 14/06/2019 01:15

What a hurtful thing to say - please don't let it get at you, dh was not right to say that

tolerable · 14/06/2019 01:41

/learn and teach ds emergency response plan.how to recognise. actively engage in(after discuss with gp probli)activity where you.arsehole dp and son can engage in shared healthy excercise activity..so hes aware your minamising risks.also play therapy\counsellin are options. ...these arent bizarre anxieties,these are real fears,this isnt a dress rehearsal

Italiangreyhound · 14/06/2019 02:00

Sounds like your husband has some issues.

Hurtful thing to say to you and to your son, and for what purpose?

he sounds very unpleasant? maybe living with a man who is unpleasant is making life harder for you.

If you want to get to a healthier weight I wish you all the best, I am trying myself at the moment.

Keep on looking out for your son and make sure you husband knows what a nobbish thing it was to make a 'joke' to his son about this topic.

Italiangreyhound · 14/06/2019 02:01

he sounds very unpleasant? - no idea why that has a question mark!

Birdie6 · 14/06/2019 02:10

Is he aware that thin teetotal people also have strokes ? I work in a stroke unit and very few of our patients are fat / drinkers / smokers. Many of them are fitness freaks who had their stroke while running / walking on the beach / sleeping. Your husband is a twat.

SisyphusHadItEasy · 14/06/2019 02:17

For a child who is anxious about losing his parents, your 'd'h was a total bellend to make that comment.

And for a dose of hellish reality for your bellend 'd'h, my beautiful daughter had her first stroke at 23 days old. She had a second when she was 6. Not nearly enough time to do whatever he has accused you of to cause a stroke.