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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that mental illness is worse than physical illness

37 replies

Ellascakes29 · 13/06/2019 13:27

I have suffered with both mental and physical illnesses over the past 15 years (I have adhd, severe depression, ulcerative colitis and I have scarring of my kidneys from recurrent kidney infections). As much as I have suffered and been in pain physically over the years, having poor mental health has been absolutely devastating and has destroyed so much of things that have made me happy (I split with my partner of five years due to behaviours from my mental health and I have difficult relationships with family members because of it also). When I go through considerable stress and my colitis flares my mental health deteriorates rapidly. I just wondered if anyone else could relate to this?

OP posts:
Keepthebloodynoisedown · 13/06/2019 13:36

I think it depends how difficult to manage each illness is, I was managing my mental illness quite well (bad days here and there, but holding down a job and had a social life) then developed a physical illness that leaves me pretty much house bound, I don’t see my friends and I lost my job, it’s also made my mental health much worse. So for me my physical illness is much more difficult to deal with.

ThanksForThatt · 13/06/2019 13:41

Sorry you're going through a hard time OP.

In answer to your actual question, I don't think you can do a blanket comparison of the two. For you the mental side has been worse than the physical but it doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. Conditions and their limitations can vary hugely from person to person.

Original poster
Ellascakes29 · 13/06/2019 13:46

@Keepthebloodynoisedown sorry to hear about your illness. It's a vicious circle really because the more you lose through physical illness, the worse your mental health becomes it seems. I'm currently off work at the moment due to my physical health but I'm feeling mentally more unwell as the days pass. I think you're right in that if you can manage your mental health you can physically live a more normal life

OP posts:
aPengTing · 13/06/2019 13:48

Nope. Yabu.

corythatwas · 13/06/2019 13:49

So sorry to hear what you have been through, OP; it all sounds incredibly tough.

As pp have said, it's an individual thing though.

Do hope things get better for you Flowers

corythatwas · 13/06/2019 13:53

fwiw my MIL had excellent mental health right up to the end. But she was paralysed by cancer on the spine for many years and in bad pain: her robust mental health didn't actually mean she could do anything other than lie in the nursing home bed and hope that the hoist would become free in time before she soiled herself. There was no such thing as a normal life for her.

Original poster
Ellascakes29 · 13/06/2019 13:54

@corythatwas thank you for your reply! I think you are all probably right- what's worse for one person might not be as bad for another.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellascakes29 · 13/06/2019 13:57

@corythatwas I'm really sorry to hear that about your mother in law- I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that must have been

OP posts:
Changaroorooroo · 13/06/2019 13:57

I'm sorry you're not well but it isn't useful to compare the two really - suffering isn't top trumps - everyone deserves understanding and sympathy.

CitadelsofScience · 13/06/2019 13:58

It's swings and roundabouts for me. Sometimes it's my mental health that's hardest to cope with and other times its my physical illnesses.

Currently they're both as bad as each other.

darkriver19886 · 13/06/2019 14:00

As someone who experiences both I would have to say that o have had more trouble with my mental health then my physical health. The doctors know how to treat my heart condition but not my mental health.

I am sorry your having a hard time .

Gingerkittykat · 13/06/2019 14:00

YANBU I went through a terrible bout of mania last year which completely killed my ability to function normally in any way at all. Dropped my antidepressants a few weeks ago because I was starting to go hypomanic again and fallen into a crippling depression.

I don't think people realise how physical depression can be. The sheer effort of lifting myself out of a chair is beyond me at times right now. I've had various aches and pains too.

I think the hardest thing can be the lack of support due to not being able to be honest about what is going on. If it is physical it is easy to talk about and people sympathise. When it is mental I need to keep it to myself for the most part.

Pgqio · 13/06/2019 14:02

I agree with you op. Mental illness is incapacitating but because others can't "see" it, the journey back to wellness is very hard.

MindyStClaire · 13/06/2019 14:02

All illness can range from a mild inconvenience, to debilitating, to fatal.

YANBU to feel your mental illness affects you more than your physical, but YABVU to generalise.

I hope there are brighter times around the corner for you OP. Flowers

EmeraldShamrock · 13/06/2019 14:03

I think when you suffer with both, it is hard to tell.
For me my MH is effected, I am not NT, but being well physically helps heal and control my MH by taking a walk, going to the gym.
It is much harder if both issues keep you down. I hope you feel well again soon. Flowers

Original poster
Ellascakes29 · 13/06/2019 14:05

@darkriver19886 thank you for your reply. I think that's part of it really- it's not always known how to treat mental illness- like you with your heart condition- if I'm having a colitis flare I'm seen within about a week to start new treatment but for mental health the process seems a lot longer- I hope you're keeping well now

OP posts:
Zoflorabore · 13/06/2019 14:07

I absolutely see your point of view op and I have "both" but my physical limitations and pain are way beyond my control due to having a chronic pain condition.

I had an argument with my dp at the weekend, not related to this at all and he told me that he's sick of listening to how much pain I'm in and it's every day. Yes of course it's every day, it's been every day for 14 years and I've been with him for 11 years. I would give anything to not be in pain and although my MH is poor at times, it does fluctuate and I have more good days than bad.

I do believe though that it's far less of a taboo subject today to talk about MH. It's hugely important and for people with severe/clinical depression for example, it could be a matter of life and death at worst case scenario.

Wishing you brighter days ahead Bear

Zoflorabore · 13/06/2019 14:07

Bear?!
Sorry it should have been Flowers

I have fat fingers.

mindgoinground12 · 13/06/2019 14:09

Im sorry your having a tough time Op unmumsnetty (((((hug)))))
I agree it depends on the severity of each. I have Ehlers danlos (EDS) and mild mental health both are as tough to deal with but asa parent. I have 5 DSs, my eldest has mild EDS but server Mental health, DS3 has quite bad EDS and mild mental health. parenting them has been diffrent, i have seen DS1 handcuffed, restrained by 6 police officer sent screaming into an ambulance with server self harm and sectioned (on more than one occasion). I have had DS3 crying his eyes out cause he cant play sport, hes been in ICU and ive seen him screaming being held down for operations. i hate both, i would say DS1 health is slightly harder to deal with but i think its cause its slightly more complex and frequent. ALso parenting each is very diffrent and often think they are very interlinked

tearinmybeer · 13/06/2019 14:11

I find it helpful to think of mental health AS physical health- it's your brain, which is physical, not to mention that many physical health problems compound mental health issues, and vice-versa.

Original poster
Ellascakes29 · 13/06/2019 14:11

@Zoflorabore thank you for your reply. I'm sorry that things are difficult for you. I completely understand what you're saying about mh being a less taboo subject now- I find it so much easier to talk about my depression than to talk about my ulcerative colitis- that sort of thing will always be a taboo because it relates to poo

OP posts:
Wale90 · 13/06/2019 14:18

Sorry you are having a hard time but yabu. Any illness is subjective and can be handled differently by different people. A severe MH illness will be worse than a manageable physical illness and vice versa.

It really helps nobody to compare illnesses or lament others for having it 'easier'. I suppose it is fair for you to say you have found one easier than the other, that doesn't mean it is the case for everybody.

Original poster
Ellascakes29 · 13/06/2019 14:19

@mindgoinground12 thank you for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your children- I hope they're all doing well now.

OP posts:
Zoflorabore · 13/06/2019 14:20

Thank you for your kind words op. I get what you mean, it must be so tough for you to talk about your health issues.
This is one of the things I love about MN. There's always someone who understands and can relate to what you're going through.

Having a MH issue/physical problem can be isolating in its nature.
I too have ADHD, only diagnosed VERY recently and ordered this book from Amazon yesterday.
If you don't mind me asking, are you medicated for it? I'm unsure to start medication as I take so bloody much already!

To think that mental illness is worse than physical illness
Zoflorabore · 13/06/2019 14:23

Sorry it didn't upload will try again

To think that mental illness is worse than physical illness
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