Taking time off work for sick child.

[Singletomingle]

Divorced and wondering how other seperated parents deal with taking time off to care for a sick child? Woke up this morning to a phone call from my ex-wife yelling at me demanding I take today off as DD had been sick in the night. I refused mainly due to her attitude but this is the first time the situation has come up. Neither of our jobs are more important than the other so what do others do? Take turns, stick to usual childcare arrangements or something else.

Thanks for all the constructive suggestions and yes I do feel shitty will try and have a discussion for next time. I have offered to cover tomorrow but no response so far.

Maybe she was shouting as she was tired she'd been up all night with an ill child? Maybe she was panicking about telling work she can't come in? Maybe as she has the child all week she felt alone and unsupported and still try's to hold down a job. Maybe you should if this time overlooked her shouting and talked together about what would be best. I work part time & commute kids dad works in the same town where we live and management so can easily work from home etc. If it was me on my day at work I would expect him to have our ill child if he could

I’m happily married (but I can’t see how it would be different if we were separated?). Whoever is most able to take the day off takes it off, though obviously there has to be a degree of fairness.

If I have lots of meetings or a big deadline, my husband takes off. And vice versa. But one of us would only cover for the other so much until they would have to cancel meetings. So my husband might take off two days, but I’d have to do the third, even if I had something on as it isn’t fair it only falls on one of us.

It’s not hard to figure out. It’s something all parents have to balance. If it’s never come up before, is it possible that’s because your ex has been carrying the load all this time? Children get sick loads so surely this can’t be the first time.

Wow OP I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here considering you seem to be genuinely looking for advice on how to do this fairly. To everyone bollocking him - he says it's the first time it's come up as they aren't long separated. Neither OP or mum seem to have thought about this in advance or there wouldn't have been an early morning shouting match. First rule of MN though is it's always the exHs fault right?

I've known this to cause arguments between happily married couples let along ex's! IMO there isn't always a fair way to do it - some days I'm busier than others at work, some days would be easier to take off, some days would be impossible to take off (barring an actual life of death emergency). Same for my DH. Agree with a PP that the best way would be to communicate with each other and cover for each other depending on what your workday looks like. Appreciate that's may not be easy depending on your relationship with each other. If you need something more structured (and less room for arguments) then taking turns would be fair (one day each?).

Thanks Holly I'm more than happy to take a bit of abuse I expected it. Until 2 years ago we worked alternate shifts then my ex persuaded me to stop working nights and weekends but then she hasnt been working much either until recently. Anyway hopefully she will sit down and discuss things this weekend. The good news is my DD is feeling much better.

We are together and split the days roughly 50 50 but that doesnt mean we take it in turns as if one of us is travelling with work etc or has something vital on then the other one will cover. It's hard to come up with any concrete plans though as he works away often and I have periods of v busy and quiet at work. Occasionally we've had to get grandparents to help.

Anyway my point is it's very hard to come up with a rule unless you have the same job and can take turns.

I think if separated parents have 50 50 custody they tend to take time off on their days where possible.

In your case I understand your ex has your daughter in the weeks - It does seem unfair though if you both work, that it's her job taking the hit every time your daughter is sick while it doesnt affect your job at all. It's a shit part of parenting and in my opinion does need to be shared irrespective of residency

I'd try and cut her some slack if I was you - its stressful to deal with a sick kid and worrying about dealing with your employer having to deal with your absence and wanting to know when you're going to be back etc.

If someone has an easier day to be able to take it off then them, if both have bad days to take them those are taken in turn