To expect an adult man to TAKE HIS (swear) BOOTS OFF?

[Psynonym]

I am married to a professional gardener. We live rurally and have a 3yr old ds, a dog and a cat. I'm sick of living in a pig sty.

Today DH has a day off and has gone walking in the hills with friends. I asked him to drop ds off at preschool on the way so I could have a wee lie in while he's off on a jolly. Seems fair.

Yesterday, while at home on a v rainy day with ds and dog who both had cabin fever, I swept and steam mopped all our downstairs floors. They were filthy. I know it's not life changing work but frankly it was a fucking mission.

This mornig I came down at 8 after my wee lie in to wave ds off to preschool (he goes for 2 hrs three days a week, I am a SAHM until September when he'll be in ft school). 'D'H had put his filthy work boots on and walked ALL ROUND THE HOUSE. Upstairs, downstairs, in the living room and kitchen. EVERYWHERE. Great clods of mud all over the floors. I was cross and he mumbled a whiney "Sorreeee" as he left.

Why would an adult male do this?! Does he not have eyes? Or a brain?

Not the crime of the century I grant you but being a SAHM is sometimes bloody thankless and a little bit of consideration for the amount of work I do to prevent us living in abject squalor wouldn't go amiss.

Does anyone else have partners that do 'dirty' jobs? How do you deal with the detritus? I'm thinkig of setting him up a bed in the shed (he would love it, ffs).

Thank you for getting to the end of this pointless but cathartic rant.

H20 Dh wouldn't notice either. He gives zero shits.

This is how he gets his way generally. Just does whatever the f he wants, repeatedly, ignoring my reasonable requests for consideration, and then when I get shouty or upset tells me I'm unreasonable. After a while I just give up.

And yes, as someone said up thread, its not really the dirt, it's the attitude.

He sounds a spoiled toddler. Treat him as such 😀.

Do you have a toilet or utility room or even a cupboard near the front door? Teel him that's where his dirty things should be left, no entering beyond a certain point until he has changed. It works with dogs having paws cleaned before entering. And if he does it anyway, he is to clean it immediately, no matter what. Perhaps he should have a weekly house cleaning day. You notice stuff much more, if it is you who have just cleaned.

You will be in for a couple of weeks of policing, but if you are persistent, it hopefully works.

In situations like this, I'd suggest invoicing and charging him for it!
He'll soon stop doing it if he's gotta pay for the cleaning to be done afterwards.

My betting is that he doesn't think your time is precious and your standards for cleanliness are too high, so he won't care about the mud. Therefore you make him see the monetary value in it and he may get a clue.

That's a genius idea! He's tight too so this will really hit him where it hurts.

I totally get where you are coming from - my DH is a farmer, he refuses to take his wellies and overalls off before he comes into the house (we don't live in a farm house we live "up town") so he sheds hay and straw everywhere - in fairness he does take his wellies off as soon as he gets in BUT the mat smells as his wellies always have some cow poop/mud/hay residue and whenever I moan about it I get "but it's my job!"

So on a daily basis hay and straw gets stamped all in the carpets because it drops off his overalls as he walks in and takes them off in the kitchen and then walks round the house (in fairness no shoes on) and stamps hay and straw all up stairs and all over the carpets in various rooms.

The shower i have to clean after he's had a wash because otherwise the grime sticks to the bath and makes it near impossible to shift despite me asking repeatedly for him to rinse after he's had a shower and if not use the shower spray - he does neither

I have come to realise my house will never be clean unless im prepared to follow him around hoovering/mopping behind him.

Firstly, yes he definitely needs to clean up this mess.

Going forward, you need a no shoes on in the house rule. To make this work, it may be there needs to be defined areas where it's easy to take shoes on and off and which can be kept clean more easily. We have hard floors with turtle mats at the front and back doors.

Getting some shoe covers for use if one of you needs to nip back in quickly might be an idea.

So fucking annoying this.
I would seriously seriously tell him buck up or I’m leaving.
So disrespectful. Can’t abide thoughtless people
^this

I really think you guys should live in it for a day and then get him to do it when he gets home. If he's out for the evening leave him a note saying the floors need doing. If, as I suspect, he doesn't do it then casually drop in to the conversation tomorrow that you think you might need a cleaner as he makes the house so dirty and most of your time is spent with ds and dog so you can't reasonably be expected to steam clean the floors more than once a week. If he's tight he won't like that.

Yep, was going to suggest get a cleaner to do it and hit him in the wallet, bet he'll care then! Just saw your update about him being tight - go for it!

I have come to realise my house will never be clean unless im prepared to follow him around hoovering/mopping behind him

@ijustwantacleanhouse why cant tour dh clean up after himself?

And people feel sorry for us single mums....

@janetforpresident because he can't be arsed and would quite happily live in a pig sty if i didn't clean up!

Male him clean it on his return.
It seems to be really getting you down. It is the disrespect, if you wrecked his work after he completed it, he'd be pissed off.
I let DP know for the start, I like a clean home not spotless, but I won't clean up after him, thankfully he took it on board.
Can you hire someone for a deep clean then once a week if you can afford between you when you go back to work.

I feel your pain. Cleaning is literally the only thing my husband and I argue about. He just doesn't care what state the house is in and honestly seems to not see mess or not notice what needs doing. It's a constant battle. If I tell him what needs to be done, he will do it...but it's not my JOB to know what needs to be done. I am currently a stay at home mum but we have always agreed that when my husband is off work we share cooking/ washing up and cleaning up. I will happily do 95% of the housework during the week but when he comes home and leaves his shit everywhere, pans with cold porridge on the draining board etc honestly it makes me lose my mind. At the weekend he dragged the pushchair through the entire length of the house leaving behind a trail of mud and leaves...???! Claimed he didn't see it.
I can choose to ignore it along with him and live in a pig Sty or spend my entire life cleaning up after everybody.
It's So fucking thankless. When I go back to work we are getting a cleaner. Probably cheaper than marriage counselling

Go out into your garden and dig up a carrier bag full of mud. Deposit said mud onto his side of the bed and onto his pillow.

In fairness DH takes his shoes off as he comes in

If his friends come over and have work boots on they often either take them off in the porch or the hallway

I don't think any of them have ever worn dirty shoes in the main livign area of the house

Deposit said mud onto his side of the bed and onto his pillow

Be sure to emit a whiny “sorreee” when he complains.

My dh is a joiner and every time he washes his work clothes he leaves a trail of sawdust, bits of wood and drill bits all over the kitchen floor and in the dryer, WITHOUT FAIL! I ask him to clean up after himself every time and he will do a half arsed job. Drives me round the bend! I do all the other household washing and drying of clothes so it doesn't affect him whereas my next wash gets covered in bits 😡

The general sheddig around the house!

DH does a lot of dry stone walling and tree work as well as planting. He deposits a trail of moss, saw dust, leaf litter behind him where ever he goes. Not to mention the 'curios' he finds when digging: old broken bit of pottery, fossils, old hand wrought nails, animal skulls ffs. They're on every side board. I'm constantly moving them around. We have jars and jars of the stuff.

Once he came home with some old h7man finger bones (not envy).

FWIW I wouldn't say it gets me down necessarilly, just really hacks me off.

I suppose, cumulatively I do get a bit down about being generally underappreciated as a SAHM sometimes. It goes in phases. I don't have a lot of support, we moved across the country before DS was born (good decision generally but tough with a small child) so I don't have family or close friends near by. With only one wage we're super skint. DH made a career change to something he loves but doesn't earn loads. I don't have any time or money to myself. My life is pretty drudgy.

But I have a "this too shall pass" attitude most of the time. I won't be at home for long. I really value the time with DS. Having worked in a demanding job for a year I know working with a small child is gruelling in other ways.

I just think, all things considered, DH could make a bit of effort to show a bit of respect and help me to feel valued. Like, for example, TAKING HIS FUCKING BOOTS OFF!

I feel your pain OP.
When its really bad, I take a photo of the ghastly mess and put it on family Whats App.it says more than I ever can with "nagging" aka requests for them not to do it again

Oh jeez this would be a dealbreaker for me. It's completely disrespectful. Utterly de-moralising for you too.
I'd be tempted to go to work with him tomorrow and follow him around and trample on all his work.
My 3yo and 5yo boys can sit on the stair step (near front door) and take their shoes off, and have done since they started wearing shoes.
Weirdly, I grew up in a shoes on household but with cream carpets. Dm used to put these see-through plastic mats down over the main thoroughfares.

That's the solution, get those decorators covers for the entire house while he is there, then whip them off when he fucks off out again.

We already have stone floors down stairs. If I covered it in plastic I'd still have to clean the plastic.

It's not the flooring that's the problem! It's my bloody husband.

Gardeners are a weird breed IMO. Oddly single minded. I envy them. I wish I didn't care when DS goes to school at 8am already grubby from being in our house.

I was trying to think of something practical for you. It may be that as he's walking around its behind him .... so he's not really seeing and appreciating the mess. I'd take a pic of before and after he's passed through. That is worth a 1000 words which he is ignoring and which become sooooo boring and frustrating to keep uttering.
Also. Borrow a baby's stair gate and put that in the Hallway if possible.. or some kind of Tape/Barrier.. so that it reminds him. Don't pass this point without dealing with the boots. and a wellington boot rack? (sorry if you already thought of this) Apparently it takes 21 days to acquire a new habit.. so maybe some kind of physical barrier as a reminder will help.. or a poster (lol) sorry not to be more help. We have a utility room en route from the front door.. RARELY USED. they like to place their muddy shoes etc in every single doorway as a lovely obstacle course. so I understand where you are coming from.

YANBU, he's being a dick about this- 'woman, know your place and clean up my manly shit'.

Is there any kind of internal porch door that you can keep locked from the inside, and literally only let him in the house once he has stripped off muddy outer layers and taken off boots in the porch?