AIBU or is my line report?

[mademoisellegazelle]

I'm a regular poster on a new username, I have posted in AIBU for traffic and honest responses!

About 2 months ago my company merged with another and as the only substantive head of my area of expertise my job expanded to be responsible for both locations. I am well qualified in my field (I have highest level quality available in specialism) and 3 years of management experience but I am a young looking thanks mum 32 year old.

Since my appointment I have been the messenger for several executive board decisions including an office move, to an open plan office (she currently has her own office space) and a major system migration. These changes have not been well received at location 2 despite me trying everything to break the news gently - team meetings, 1:1, follow up emails with regular updates...

In my new location I have a line report in a junior management role who is refusing to recognise me as her line manager. She has met with my line manager to tell him she considers me inept and inexperienced; he has backed me 100% and told her that's not OK. She's now ignoring me completely and doing her job to an absolute minimum standard; if I ask her to do something she does it 5 minutes before the deadline is due but doesn't tell me so I have to keep checking (example- I asked her to save some files in a drive by 1pm- she put them in at 12.56pm but didn't say "Clare, I've saved those files down" which is just annoying as I needed to forward them on).

She's told anyone who'll listen that she's being treated unfairly and "keeping a log" but I really don't know what of- I am treating her with kid gloves compared to the rest of the team!

I have a 1 to 1 with her on Friday and I'm dreading it- this is ridiculous; I've done this job well for three years with excellent feedback and a proven track record but she's really intimidating me- I've never met someone as rude!

So, my AIBU is whether I would be unreasonable to take the kid gloves off or am I being insensitive about her reaction to all the changes!?

Put the ball in her court. Ask what she thinks about the relationship between the two of you, and how does she see that in the longer term. Give her enough rope to hang herself. If thinks she can refuse to be managed by you, she will be the type to mouth off given half a chance. Then follow it up in writing, and involve HR at the earliest opportunity if she doesn't see the light.

As above, also write up the meeting, and play back to her what she says to get confirmation. "So what you are saying is you dont recognise me as your LM because..."

Thanks, she's related to our HR manager so have tried to avoid them this far but I do feel a bit out of my depth- this is beyond challenging and just downright rude!

You have to bring in HR. If there is anyone else ask for them as there is a clear conflict of interest. Ask for someone external if you have to. Plenty of people do this freelance.

You’re paid to manage her so manage her. Kid gloves off but maintain professionalism. Keep a record, have a more taker in with you when you meet her since you know she’s ‘keeping a log’ and complaining about unfair treatment.

Also as her manager if you need something done by 1 tell her to do it by 12!

Make reporting on progress/completion of tasks part of doing the task itself (so if something is needed by 1pm on a particular day, tell her to update you the morning before, and by 11am on the morning of).

If she does the updates but keeps doing things just as the deadline expires, give her that feedback in the 1:1 "are you struggling with time management as I've noticed you are always completing tasks at the last minute". Give concrete examples of X, Y, Z.

If the deadline is very important to you, do like Karigan says - tell her it's earlier than it really is so that you have confidence it will be ready in plenty of time.

And yes take the kid gloves off - so long as you keep it professional with plenty of examples, and a witness/note taker to cover your back.

I sympathise - sometimes managing grown adults is like dealing with toddlers. "She's got more sweeties than me..." "Yes because she works twice as hard..."

You have to keep even better records of what you request of her - always follow up all requests by email which cc in your boss & if she makes comments than you have to make sure you note these - give her the room to hang herself - you should also take note of her attitude at her assessment - I would suggest that any assessment or conversation with her is not 1 to 1 - you need a witness - perhaps someone to take notes??? & in the 1 to1 meeting plan out exactly what you are going to say to her & stick to it

I would take the kid gloves off and start a conversation with: "do you have an issue with me as a line manager?". She'll probably say no, then you give her concrete examples (as above) that show that she does have a problem with you, including meeting your line manager behind your back. Give her a chance to explain/bluff her way through, and then set out expectations for how you will work together in future (with her input if she is willing).

This gives you a set of expectations to refer back to if she isn't meeting them in future.

My caveat for this though is that I have only worked in places with very bolshy management styles who didn't really care about HR...!

She sounds like a PITA, but to be honest, you do a little bit as well. If someone asks me to do something by 1pm and I do it at 12.56pm, it’s done, isn’t it? I don’t see the reason for updating the person twice to say it will be done by 1pm. If you actually need to know it is done earlier, it’s your job to set a deadline that allows you time to check it.

Is there someone else in Hr other than her relation ?

You need to take control back from her, and put everything in writing.

This sounds like a hard situation for you. She is behaving totally unprofessionally and needs to recognise thar you are now in charge and perforn her job to the highest standard possible. Bcc someone higher up into every email and explain to them why. Do as much as possible through email so there is a paper trail. Can you get someone in to sit in on the meeting in case she accuses you of anything. Definitely look into speaking to someone in HR preferably not someone related due to the potential conflict of interests.