Holidays in August - this old chestnut again

[Fryingpanfire]

My DP and I have been together 7 years but live separately. Both have a child from a previous relationship living at home . Mine is DS Yr8 13. DO has a DD aged 21. Unexpectedly, DP and I now both have the same week off in August and I would like to go away.

However the problem is DS is off school but my normal “weekend away” family/ sitters are all away themselves, So DS has to come and now DD wants to come too because she doesn’t think it’s fair to be left out. This means paying for at least one if not two extra rooms as they can’t share. It’s going to be a last minute booking in August so prices are sky high and I don’t think it’s doable.
AIBU thinking I should just go away with DS (which will upset DP now he’s got the week off) because going on a cheap holiday with a young adult and a young teen is
a) a nonsense - they like very different things
b) too much trouble/ money for unplanned holiday.
or am I being selfish.

I think go separately. I think your ds and his dd will want very different holidays.

Could dd not look after Ds at home while you go on holiday?

I think go together and the holiday is the one that best suits the 13yo - at the age of 21, I'd expect someone to realise that the holiday will naturally center around the youngsters, and just be coming along for a break.

I’d tell the 21yo she can come if she pays for herself. You shouldn’t be expected to pay for another adult.

21 year old is being childsh. She's an adult.
I'd take Ds on my own.

Could his DD babysit your DS for a weekend?

so your original plan was to leave your child with a sitter, while you went away in the school holidays with your partner?

Can’t you hire a villa somewhere? It would be fun to go together wouldn’t it?

How about something cheap like camping in France? Go somewhere with a pool, cycling routes, a lake etc.
Seems a shame to exclude anyone - there won't be many more years when they both want to come, so why not make the most of it?

send them both to butlins! (creeps away -because I actually did this once withholder dd & her younger siblings....)

I would find somewhere for everyone within your budget. As your children are getting older, you mightn't have that many more opportunities to have a family holiday with everyone. Make it clear to the 21 year old that you will be doing activities which are fun for the teen and she will be expected to deal with that like an adult. She might just fancy some time away with you all and not mind so much what it is.

Do you know each other’s kids well enough to have a boys room and a girls room? So only two rooms needed?

Alternatively a holiday with your son is the way to go.

Well I guess you would be paying for yourself and ds anyway, and your DH should pay for his dd so I can’t see how it would be more expensive for you? I’m pretty sure his dd at 21 will not be expecting either of you to organise activities for her and will probably be happy lounging by the pool in the sun (assuming you’re going abroad). I also find it strange that you didn’t initially want your ds to go with you. Unless of course he is already going on holiday this year.

I wanted to go off for a week together because it keeps costs down. The extra plane tickets and food all add up. Mainly though, if we all go and wants something/ do something then everyone gets sucked in. DP has a much bigger budget than me.We are planning a big family holidaynext year but this is a relatively last minute opportunity.

DS hates going away. He likes going to his cousins house but that’s it. He’s having a week with him at the beginning of the holidays.

Ideally DD would look after DS but how can I say “ no, you can’t come and that’s because you’ll be looking after DS”!!

Livelovebehappy - it’s more expensive because DP and DD have more expensive tastes and a bigger budget. There’s no point is us having a holiday if half are stressing about money and the other half hate roughing it.

Get an air bnb? Booking multiple hotel rooms is hella expensive but you can get decent air bnbs everywhere including beach resorts etc. You should be able to get 3 bedrooms for similar or less than one hotel room.

Ideally DD would look after DS but how can I say “ no, you can’t come and that’s because you’ll be looking after DS”!!
Say you’re planning a break as a couple and sweeten the deal by offering to pay her?!

So, if you go on this then your 13 yr old doesn't get a holiday ?

So, trying to understand:

1. you thought it would be a couples-trip for you and DP

2. DS can’t be left at home alone but doesn’t want a holiday anyway

3. DSD can be left at home but doesn’t want to be

4. you can’t afford what your DP and DSD are accustomed to?

If all that’s correct, I’d tell DP to spend his time off with his DD, you spend yours with your DS on day trips, and you and DP have a long weekend away later when you can get childcare.

Well I think if you have a week off in the summer hols you would obviously want to be spending quality time with DS so that obviously comes first. So I guess you could book a couple of nights seat somewhere, get say a static caravan with 3bedrooms? What about a Euro camp type thing? Or just do lots of nice day trips together and have a staycation

I think you need to have dinner together tonight and actually communicate this. It’s a bit unfair to complain about them if you haven’t actually sounded out their views and told them your budget. Both your kids are old enough to maturely discuss family budgets. All families have issues like this when choosing holidays. I always have to try and find something that’s affordable and all my kids will enjoy so I talk to them and I ask them what’s more important? Waterpark vs all inclusive. 4 star vs having more money for day trips etc etc.

Tell them you want to have a fun evening choosing a holiday together that is within a budget.

Tell them what your budget will stretch to and ask them outright how much they are prepared to spend each and how much luxury they are looking for.

Then sit down with a coffee and search the internet considering different types.

Look at all options: Villa , beach package, centerparcs ,camping and you’ll soon get a feeling for what they don’t like and then you can say things like “well my budget will only stretch to me and son for xyz but if we choose less luxury I can cover bigger proportion can you cover your own costs or partial costs?”

At least everyone will get a hand in choosing activities and you all will be clear on affordability. She might love a trip to centerparcs,butlins or even an Airbnb cottage. Maybe she just wants to be part of it. Perhaps she is already expecting to contribute you just haven’t asked.

Like someone said , in a few years they’ll be married and have kids , jobs and houses of their own so organising time off together will become harder and harder so just go with them all this time and have a bloody good time

21 y/o should be paying for her own holiday. As for sharing one room, it’s doable. The first holiday with my now husband was in a family room, nobody got any privacy but we had a good holiday.
You should be able to afford somewhere together as a family if you are willing to compromise on rooms. One room is enough, just don’t expect any romance.

Thanks all. NoSquirrels summed it up perfectly except day trips are what we would have been doing anyway before DP had time off.

I get all summer holidays off as does DS obviously and so living together we get plenty of quality time together. He hates holidays away so I will be dragging him if it’s just me or the whole gang. But if I don’t go away in the summer I feel it’s a waste of me having 5 weeks off, The other school holidays are mostly a rush of appointments, catching up on stuff etc.

DP gets lots of time off ( freelance) but Easter and summer are busy periods hence the excitement of a week off together. He and his DD could go away together but I don’t think either of them are keen as just a two some. They are both able to get away at plenty of other times of the year.

I guess I will just keep looking at cheaper places for us all to go. I will look at Eurocamps.