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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask how to make friends

6 replies

Crazyme44 · 12/06/2019 19:40

Since leaving school I’ve struggled to make friends, I have two friends that I’ve known since school and a couple of people at work that I can have a brief chat with.

I’m rubbish at making conversation and always avoid being left alone with someone because I don’t know what I’d say to them.

I’m starting a new job soon and feel like this is my chance to change. Has anyone got any advice on what to talk about with new people? Making friends is my aim but even just being able to talk to people would be nice.

OP posts:
Crazyme44 · 12/06/2019 20:40

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Crazyme44 · 12/06/2019 20:40

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Crazyme44 · 12/06/2019 20:40

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Anarchyshake · 13/06/2019 02:14

I've been told that when starting to get to know people, you should avoid politics, your finances, and anything too deep or potentially burdening.

If anything, it's made me talk about them more.

I used the app MeetUp to get going to some groups and have fallen into a group of friends naturally that way.

I've generally used the alternative music scene to aid me in making friends. Hopefully you get to know some people at work but don't panic if it doesn't happen.

Mediumred · 13/06/2019 02:26

Definitely I would take it slow and keep it light and easy at first and try not to build it up too much. I have made some good friends in work but the socialising is very much work/office-based, probably as much down to geography as anything else, could maybe ask if anyone fancies a quick drink after work on a Friday etc etc.

You do sound quite shy (which is fine! Why should we all be extroverts? ) it’s true that people like to talk about themselves, like a good listener. If you are starting a new job you could try to ask about questions about how stuff is done round the place that might be helpful for you, ask about any tips? Where is nice to grab a sandwich (sorry, hopefully you might have some more professional industry-specific ideas too!) good luck!

Pillowcase99 · 13/06/2019 02:29

Ok this is all doing to sound very robotic i think, but I've been pondering my own friendships recently. I'm 36, married and have a preschool aged dc just to put in context.

I tend to make friends through work, hobbies and kids play dates with parents i click with. Friendships for me at the moment are based on proximity and frequency of seeing them, not necessarily history or similarity. As a result I have a really varied network now of people who have very different interests and views but i guess we enjoy each other's company on some level.

Proper friendships have then developed where we've both shared feelings/issues with each other about things we're going through, it seems to be an act of bonding where even just the action of talking and listening can feel like support. But obviously not treating new friends like counsellors!

I think my friends and i talk about shared experiences (parenting, work issues, partners, stuff we're doing), learning about each other (all the stuff we don't have in common - their job, where they've been on holiday etc.) and helping each other (ideas, problem solving, recommendations and sometimes actually helping with things like child care if needed).

I tend to be open and friendly with new people, try to have a sense of humour (not that it's clear from this!) and keep things breezy. Also maintaining contact and being reliable with meet ups is pretty important.

That's what works for me.

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