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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help me to stop panicking?

5 replies

shambhalz · 12/06/2019 09:34

My ex has 3 kids. One with me, 2 with his ex. He seemed lovely to start, but after I got pregnant his true colours started to show. It was like a switch flicked. He developed a tendency of badmouthing his ex to his kids, which bothered them. I asked him to stop and he said they deserve to know the truth (that she's a slut and a whore, neither of which she is). He slowly became more abusive towards me, and eventually I left. I wasn't going to hang around for my son to become like him.

I feel like a new woman now I've left him. My son is months old and doing amazingly. He's so happy and neither of us have to deal with mr aggressive manipulator anymore.

My huge concern that leads me down a path of panic? That he's going to tell my son all the things he's told the rest of the world about me:

  • that I stopped him seeing his dad
  • that I am a bitch/whore etc
  • any other lies he wants to make up

In fairness, I have stopped him from seeing his son. This is because he was angry, aggressive, and once lost his temper so badly that he grabbed my son (2 months old) and shoved him towards me as if to say 'you deal with his crying' - he's an angry, short tempered abuser and I am fed up.

So scared he's going to manipulate my son in to thinking I'm a bad mother, that I stopped him seeing his dad out of pettiness (not the case) and that my son will turn against me.

I know, this is worst case scenario, but it's not unheard of.

Can anyone reassure me? I am becoming unwell with fear.

OP posts:
Unshriven · 12/06/2019 09:41

I wouldn't worry about what might happen in the future.

Just concentrate on your son. Your influence will be the major one in his life.

Will he have contact with his half siblings as he grows up? They might be some support for him when he's older.

shambhalz · 12/06/2019 09:43

@Unshriven I'm in the peculiar but wonderful scenario in which me and his ex have become friends. We share a lot in common and whilst we didn't get on before (my fault, I believed his lies about her), we are now starting a friendship. We get the kids together a lot and they write to each other. It's all about the kids.

OP posts:
Unshriven · 12/06/2019 10:05

See, that's great.

Your son will grow up surrounded by family who love him, and he'll be far less open to any lies he's told in future because the children's shared experience will support him.

Enjoy this time, don't worry about problems which haven't presented themselves yet. Just don't give them any headspace.

shambhalz · 12/06/2019 10:21

It's so hard to keep my mind away from it. I'm hoping it'll get better in time.

OP posts:
shambhalz · 12/06/2019 11:04

Thanks @Unshriven - trying my best!

OP posts:
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