I have NC and will be intentionally vague sorry so as not to out DS.
I know she is not doing it on purpose and she is brilliant for DS but...
Teen SN DS adores his form teacher, so do i but she often leaves me in an awkward position. Especially as she is the one who can't do any wrong where as I am the ogre who gives him consequences and chores.
There have been a few occassions where she has encouraged DS unintentionally against my wishes.
DS stopped an activity after a really horrid experience and after ending up very distressed. This was the third time he had left the activity distressed due to an other member of the club but this was a much bigger scale. It is something that is being dealt with by the organisation as a result and which several people have said was dealt with very poorly.
DS told the form teacher about this including full details of what happened (know this definitely) and that he was not going back. His lovely form teacher has encouraged him to return , said how good it has been for him (it has I agree but this needs addressing ) and even after him informing her that I agreed with his decision unless safeguarding and incidents were addressed she still encouraged him to go back.
Previously I encouraged ds to go to a big school trip, ds was insistent he was not going. This went on for months. I encouraged him as I didn't want him to feel he had missed out but form teacher wasn't aware of this.
I gave him a final decision point, he surpassed that still declining.
At that point him going would have left me with expensive last minute costs and with plenty of warning I told him if he said no this time that was final.
Ds told the form teacher when she asked that he wasn't going and she persuaded him to go. Obviously she didn't know I had told him no but there was no thought of how i would deal with the last minute costs or why I had said no.
She has also been trying to teach DS to be more independent and less reliant on me which I am grateful for and telling him hes X age now and should be less dramatic and do more for himself. I agree and it is something I am also working on with him but honestly all thats happened is I have ds telling me he is x age now, can make his own decisions, it is not my choice and basically he doesn't have to listen to me etc. I WANT him to be independent but due to SN he is still lacking the skills and ability to do some things independently himself which we are working on. Never mind the costs and constant fall out i have to deal with!
She is still his form teacher next year.
Aibu to approach this? I know she thinks she is helping but actually shes damaging ny relationship with ds as he will do anything for her and then i am always the bad guy!