AIBU about my mum dating?

[Puddingmama2017]

My mum didn’t raise me and spent my whole childhood with multiple boyfriends. I got introduced to 10 + by 11. Since then (I’m 30 now) she’s had 4 longer term relationships all lasting 4-6 years.

She’s just started dating again and last night she went on a first date with a guy who lives a distance from us. Seeing him again on Saturday. She was gushing this morning about how he’s a family guy and if it works out he could join in with our family (I’m an only, with 4 children myself and we’re all close, my mum lives on our road and we see her every day).

I told her I had no interest in meeting him, that I don’t want him involved with my kids. I have no problem with her living her life and seeing him and wish her luck but I can’t take going through all that ‘getting to know you’ crap with ANOTHER bloke. My kids don’t need it either. I’m just not interested. I don’t have a dad btw, never have done, and I was close to her last partner, though I rightly had to support my mother in a police investigation against him. I’m always the one supporting her, despite my own relationship break ups.

AIBU to just not want anything to do with a man I haven’t even met and may be very nice based on my mother’s track record? I’m just so bored of it all by now.

I’m not surprised you’re bored with it all. YANBU at all. Live your life and try and detach if you can. She is not your responsibility, as you say, she didn’t even raise you.

I wouldn't worry too much at this stage, OP. She just met him - it may not work out. If they do end up together, you might have to speak to her then about your boundaries. You'd be well within your rights to say " Look I got close to your last boyfriend and that ended up in the police station ....so I'd rather not meet this new guy for a while thanks". And then make yourself unavailable if she suggests a meet-up. Good luck !

I’m not worried, just pissed off that she really can’t understand why I wouldn’t welcome him with open arms as a source of newfound happiness. It likely won’t work out, you’re right, but the attitude won’t change.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be sick of it all however, if your mum lives on your road and you see here everyday I really can't see how that will be practical. You're either going to lose some of the closeness with your mum or accept that this new man is part of her life. If you don't want to distance yourself from your mum then you are going to have to play polite, you don't have to be best friends but you can't keep the same closeness with your mum if you have nothing at all to do with him.

Was this a pre-emptive strike on your part? Your mother didn’t raise the prospect of you meeting the bloke after a single date, did she?

She said about him being involved with our family. No actual date was mentioned but she’s staying down with him on Saturday so I know what she’s like, she’d want a meeting soon.

Oh how woefully tedious! I admire the fact that you still have a decent relationship with your mum, considering the drama that comes with being so up close and personal with a serial relationship seeker. My dearest friend is like this and I find it dreadfully hard. She has a 17 year old son who begged to go to boarding school at 11. He has no relationship with her and I can understand why. Even as her friend, I hardly ever see her because her dates come first. Meeting a man is her priority. It just consumes her. It's rather pathological and I get so fatigued with the 'What did you think of Simon when you met him?' texts. And they never end well, her relationshits.
I find myself just not wanting to see her.
Anyway, this is turning into my own moaning session.
Birdie's advice is solid.

They live miles apart, realistically I really wouldn’t have to see him as my mum has more flexibility to go and see him than he has to come here. He works full time, my mother only works minimally.

No, I wouldn’t be up for that either then. YANBU. And you’ve given her due warning, so now she knows how the land lies.

I’ve never met my father’s partner of 20 years. I see him alone. No dramaz. It does help that he lives hundreds of miles away. Living round the corner would make things more difficult.

Everything is a drama. One of the long terms is still a friend of hers ( and still in love with her) but he’s not exciting enough, which is fine of course. But the last partner was too unpredictable. There’s just no idea what she wants and bleatings about how she deserves to be happy.

She’s no stranger to a load of ‘break ups/make ups’ and dramatic malnipulation. She can be a selfish cow and I’ve told her that.

She sounds very self obsessed.

She’s all giddy and delirious about meeting him. So I look awful for not supporting her. The thing is most of her friends have only known her with her last partner so her having a fresh start after the police investigation is something good to them. For me, it really is tedious and boring and I hate that I’m expected to give a crap about meeting this guy, even in the future.

She’s planning on staying with him on Saturday night. The woman has ‘kill me and bury me in the woods’ written on her forehead.