To think this is smug (Facebook related)

[SapphireBattersea]

I've been having an awful time with my ten year old dd regarding friendship issues at school, mean girl behaviour, her being left out of stuff, people randomly freezing her out etc. it's low level bullying and really frustrating and upsetting for my dd (and us)

Out of frustration I've posted on my Facebook about it a few times, amd generally my friends have been helpful. However Every time I have done so, in have noticed another friend always pops up with a comment along the lines of oh "I've always been so lucky my (ddname) has never had any issues, she's always been so popular, and all her friends are lovely. xx"

I'm happy her daughter is happy and popular ! Cos I wouldn't wish any kid to go through what mine is. But I personally wouldn't feel the need to post it on a thread about kids having a tough time.

Aibu to think it's at best, unhelpful and at worst really smug and thoughtless?

I am with others, stop posting your DD's business of FB. Is your page on private, if one of the bullies older sisters are DM read it, it will make things worse for DD.
FB comments are for life, do you want your DD known as the girl who got bullied.
I sympathise with the situation otherwise, it is a tough age with friendship groups, support her, don't publicise it, your mate is a dick making this about popularity.

No to FB, even if just close friends, one of their dc's might read over their shoulder and make life a lot worse for them.

I would be mortified if I was a kid and found out my mum was posting about my private problems on facebook. That's the kind if stuff that sticks with kids into adulthood. it creates a serious lack of trust and boundaries.

First piece of advice, don't post it on Facebook. I learned this the hard way and haven't done it since.

Secondly I also have a friend like this. Whenever a friend is having a hard time with their teen and I'm sympathising with them "ah don't worry about it, they all go through it, teens can be horrible, you're a great mum" etc EVERY single time this mum will comment saying "they aren't all like that my XX doesn't do that" she's that blatant and that blunt. I'm thinking who on earth does that actually help. Just makes the other person feel bad. I'm gonna call her out on it next time. This mums daughter isn't perfect though and is known as a bully and when mums at work she's hanging around on the streets with a gang of mates.

I think OP gets it now, shouldn’t have posted.
YANBU to think it’s smug, I’m not sure it’s thoughtless though, this person seems to not be able to stop thinking about themselves for a minute to offer you any words of support.
Have a quiet word with her teacher OP.

Just one of those facebook things. Look up the sanctimommy page (on facebook) 'when you know better you judge better' .
Sorry to hear your daughter is having issues. I do agree with the above posters that fb probably not best place to air them, as blablaa says you probably get that now though.

She probably feels insecure about some aspect of her life and is being a smug prick to make herself feel better.

Take no notice Op, no ones life is perfect.

And agree with pervious posters to stop discussing your daughters issues on Facebook.

@Looneytune253 omg this is exactly how my friend is 😩 why do they feel the need.

You're all right Facebook isn't the best place to discuss this, there's no excuse for it, although I have tight privacy I'll still delete the posts I think

Still think my friends a nob though 😂

Glad you have decided to delete posts about your DD OP. I am sorry that she is having a tough time but posting about it on FB is not helpful to her and could lead to further issue and make matters worse. Respect your DDs right to privacy.

Your poor DD, having all her private issues discussed on FB by her mother!

YANBU. I know someone a bit like this. Friend was talking about her DS who was having real trouble picking up reading. She went on a long monologue about how advanced her DD was - top of the class etc etc. Was really smug and unhelpful (both my kids were great readers but there was no need to bring it up then).

I wouldn’t put this on FB either. Sorry. I really don’t think it’s ok and not the place. Ok the other mum maybe should keep her mouth shut but this is the issue with SM!

My DC are now 14 and 16 and the eldest is in my friends list now, along with a couple of her friends and their mums who I don’t know so well and my DD would be so so mortified if she found something so personal on my wall or popped up in a memory. DD did go back through my wall and photos as it’s been a nice walk through her childhood moments (which is what I used FB for, pets, family, holidays, trips and photos)

I would maybe start a private group where this chat might be more suited? Then you can limit who you invite too

Looneytune the problem there isn't your friend it's your wording, why are you saying "they a go through it"? It belittles the person with the problem but also tars everyone as being the same. Like when people say " all men are arseholes" eh no my husband isn't, my dad isn't, one of my bothers is but not all men are. You can empathise with your friend without including all teenagers, it clearly annoys your other friend but yet you are the one calling her out when actually you are the one who is wrong, although well meaning I appreciate. What she is saying isn't being smug it's just not allowing you to lump her daughter into a category/behaviour she doesn't belong in

I've already explained in a previous comment that the Facebook posts will be deleted (and they've now been deleted) in case some posters haven't read my update 😊 x

@UserName31456789 how insensitive of them 😱

No need is there

Why can't people post on FB? Not everybody is "friend" with the entire neighbourhood, any mum from the playground and that random stranger you talked with once at the bus stop.

The friend is an idiot, "that's nice dear" is a lovely reply. I would just ignore

do you have another ballsy friend that could comment on it for you? for instance if she says "im so lucky..." your other friend could write "do you mean to be so smug? this isnt about your DD" on her comment.

i have a friend and we do this for one another when needed and we dont want to be the bad guy

@dillusionaldog

Haha imagine how pissed off she would be 😆😆