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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To begin to think this is a pattern...

21 replies

Trebla · 12/06/2019 02:42

I'm 40 weeks pregnant today. D day. This is my 4th. I'm not overly precious so this is a wee bit tongue in cheek.

Last night our youngest (2) came down with a vomiting bug and cough exacerbated by a viral-induced wheeze. Now my DH is suddenly sick as well.

In fact, he has been sick each child's due date.

I'm beginning to think its an unconscious need to not be forgotten about. He is quite a feeble and dramatic sickly person but with martyrish tendencies (think "cough cough, oh don't mind me, sniffle sniffle, yes thanks I'm fine).

Normally this flies over my head as there is so much more about it that is frankly quite awesome and reading on here makes me realise what I thought was typical is actually something to be hugely grateful for.

But this is beginning to make me feel like he can't bear on some level not to be thought about in some capacity and it feels a little competitive. Like "I'm here with needs too". I am beginning to ignore his sniffles and coughs attention seeking as quite frankly I'm the size of a house, looking after a sick toddler who should have been in daycare and trying to tie up loose work bits.

AIBU to not want to cater to his "needs" too right now?

OP posts:

MyOpinionIsValid · 12/06/2019 02:46

I live in a male dominated house. It's like Munchausen's meets Hypochondria. Constant stream of body parts poked under my nose for examination.

Original poster

Trebla · 12/06/2019 02:48

I feel your pain. The one due today is a boy too. I'm outnumbered and clearly destined to be a borderline resentful Florence Nightingale for the foreseeable future...

OP posts:

Jonette · 12/06/2019 02:49

Maybe he has sympathy symptoms!

MyOpinionIsValid · 12/06/2019 02:50

It doesn't get any better I'm afraid.

I'm only grateful I don't have daughters because I don't think I could cope with a dollop PMT mixed in with menopause

Jonette · 12/06/2019 02:52

I live in a female only house and "cats in a bag" is an apt description. I'd cope with some male drama I think, to balance out the melodrama and pure madness of myself and my daughter (who hates me).

Jonette · 12/06/2019 02:58

Me and dd have nasty tongues. I'd welcome a son coming to me moaning about a tummy ache - what a simple problem.

As it is, I have my dd telling me not to pull the 'I'm sick' stunt on her and generally refusing to speak to me point blank.

Of course, being female, clearly of a higher station in life, or insane generally, I of course i engage in a war of words/insults/dramatics/grand-standing/walking off stage/ultimatums worse than my dd.....

Give me a boy with a sore leg any day. it's like an adapted version of Macbeth where the witches merge with the Queen here on a good day. NOT to be envied.

Original poster

Trebla · 12/06/2019 03:00

He has just come home and taken himself off to bed leaving me writing a column due to today and playing trains with said sick toddler.

OP posts:

Jonette · 12/06/2019 03:06

At least your toddler isn't hissing at you. I thank God for small mercies.

Original poster

Trebla · 12/06/2019 03:07

I'm grateful for some the external perspectives! Head wobbled. But I still think he is a bit of a dick.

OP posts:

Jonette · 12/06/2019 03:08

I genuinely think my daughter wishes death upon me

Men are simpler creatures. Tell toddler to go and play train with Daddy.

Original poster

Trebla · 12/06/2019 03:08

@janette

This one is pretty tame. If the 8 yr old was sick at home... hissing might be the least of my worries.

OP posts:

Jonette · 12/06/2019 03:09

Then the two of them can combine aggrieved-ness and come to you with pale faces.

KickAssAngel · 12/06/2019 03:14

It's a thing. I've heard midwives talk about it. It seems that some men get so anxious/jealous (decide for yourself) about the birth of a child that they genuinely make themselves sick with all the heightened emotion.

Some wait until Mum & baby return home then come down with something, others do it around labour/due dates or a week before. I guess that a certain proportion of men would be sick in any given 4 week period, but if it happens each time you have a child, it's definitely a thing.

One friend of mine noticed that her husband always got a cough and lost his voice 2 weeks after she gave birth. By child number 5 she said she enjoyed the quiet.

Original poster

Trebla · 12/06/2019 03:44

By child number 5 she said she enjoyed the quiet

I wish, the pas agg coughing is driving me fucking bonkers....

OP posts:

Original poster

Trebla · 12/06/2019 03:46

I guess the toddler and I will be going out in the rain to get the big two from school now then as DH is in bed sick.

OP posts:

Jonette · 12/06/2019 03:47

Just pat his head and tell him to lie down. before you stab him

He'll be happy you notice he's still alive. Poor little fella.

Original poster

Trebla · 12/06/2019 04:00

I know bless his cottons....

OP posts:

myholycow · 12/06/2019 04:41

I had my gallbladder out a couple of years ago & unfortunately had caught a cold/cough bug just before my surgery - so recovery was holding the belly for getting up/laughing etc but had that horrible urge to cough & cough & cough all the time. Seriously painful. Oh plus had reacted to some of the post op drugs too & was vomiting as well. Husband caught the cough/cold but off me (not too surprising so was prepared for joint sympathy) but OMG, I wasnt as unwell as he was, had it much worse than me, yadayada. Any sympathy I may have extended stopped right there. I try to keep busy, nod & agree etc now - if hes as sick as he says he can find his own way to the medicine cupboard or make a Dr appt. Hard.

Zoflorabore · 12/06/2019 04:47

This made me chuckle op. Be grateful you didn't have a 16yr old asking you if his willy was a normal size by whipping his pants down and then proceeding to say that his school ruler has come in extra handy lately

And we have kids why??
As for the men, I always say to dp when he acts like he has the plague " give birth twice, rip back to front and have a clitoral tear ( yes really ) and then tell me you're feeling bad" which usually shuts him up!

Hope your little boy makes an appearance soon

Spaghetticarbanana · 12/06/2019 05:02

DH used to be like this. I just pointed out every time he made a comment (to me in private) about DS1 being overly dramatic, that is what DH himself did. DS1 is very sensitive and has a really low pain threshold. We have many conversations about responsibility, and why having a penis doesn't give you the right to opt out of responsibility, because thats what it boils down to for me. DH is expected to suck it up and get on with things in the same way I am. If he is genuinely ill enough that he cannot look after the children or function then yes he can go to bed, but it really pisses me off how often I hear about men having to go to bed for some reason like illness or stress when the woman hasn't been afforded the same luxury under similar circumstances. If he's flopping about on the sofa being dramatic I just ignore it. I have tried behaving the same way, using the poorly voice and shuffling around etc and it is obviously easier than just having to carry on as normal.
Fwiw I have 3DS and 1DD and I'll be buggered if I'm raising my kids thinking this kind of behaviour from men is acceptable but not for women.

Spaghetticarbanana · 12/06/2019 05:03

the many conversations are with DH not DS, I think It was unclear in my wording

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