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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stuggling, lonely and upset.

11 replies

OakleyB · 12/06/2019 02:28

First post so please be gentle. I have lurked for ages so I know there is some great advice and support on here.
I have 'just a few things' bothering me! To keep this a bit shorter …
I have a small family - Mum is elderly with parkinsons, younger sister is only happy when in charge to say the least and has on a couple of occasions assaulted me. As well as family issues I have quite few monsters to deal with. I have a genetic chromosome condition (Turners Syndrome) which means that I am small and can not have children - maybe this is at least some of the reason for how I am treated by my family. I have had no support to deal with this - I found by accident during a GP visit for an ear infection some years ago when I was in my 20's, I was apparently diagnosed at 10 or 11 years old but not told. I have sort of coped by being busy at work, my job certainly required this. However in the last few years I have been bullied out of a permanent position (not entirely unheard of atm in this profession). I have also been diagnosed with a blood cancer which can not be cured just held at bay for a bit (some of the treatments sound really scary). Atm I am not on treatment and hope to avoid this for as long as possible - I know there won't be any support from family so am very scared. They don't even want to acknowledge that I have cancer. While I can I am trying to work, my career does at least allow agency/supply work but this is becoming thin on the ground under the current circumstances so I am looking for something more settled (at least I would know what income I had coming in even if much, much less than I used to earn). It means a career change so isn't easy. I have had a tough day yesterday another interview, rejection someone had more relevant experience. I also had 2 other rejections by e mail not shortlisted. I was so down. I let Mum and sister see that I was upset, huge mistake! They made me feel much worse, hence I haven't been able to sleep... Thank you for reading this far.

OP posts:
octoberfarm · 12/06/2019 03:38

Hi OP, I'm sure someone will be along with some useful advice soon, but in the meantime I didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time, that sounds really, really tough. Is there anyone else you can talk to/who can support you, given your Mum and sister aren't willing/able to be there for you in the way you need? The job stuff can be so discouraging, but don't give up. You just haven't found the right fit yet. It all sounds really overwhelming, but you sound strong, too. Really hope things start picking up for you soon Thanks

OakleyB · 12/06/2019 06:56

Thank you Octoberfarm I really appreciate your reply. I do feel overwhelmed, I certainly don't feel strong atm (worn out more like!) Wish there was someone in rl I could talk to sometimes. When I have to go to the hospital for clinic visits I am always the one on their own - scary stuff. The nights are hard too so I really do appreciate your reply. Thank you.

OP posts:
babbi · 12/06/2019 07:01

I’m so sorry.. you have a lot on your plate .
You sound amazing to have gotten this far with all those challenges...
I’m not sure about what type of work you could do as I don’t know your area or skill set .
However in regard to your illness ... can you perhaps contact a support group that exists to support patients with it ?
These people tend to have fantastic advise as they have experience of specific challenges.

Also I suggest you ask your GP to refer you for counselling as there is a lot for you to cope with and I think it would be beneficial..

Good luck and take care

AlwaysCheddar · 12/06/2019 07:03

It’s a shame as you always expect that you can count on your family when you need them, unfortunately reality is it just doesn’t always work that way which is quite hurtful and ta shock. I found out that my family can be challenging shall we say at times and I needed to get past it and realise i wasn’t the one who was at fault. Try and focus on yourself and steer clear of them for a while. Don’t tell them about jobs as it gives them ammunition. Something will turn up. Keep smiling and stay positive!

toomuchtooold · 12/06/2019 07:11

Have you ever seen the Stately Homes thread? It's for people with dysfunctional families.

I agree with the PP, you sound very strong, I don't think a lot of people would cope so well with what you're going through. My advice regarding your family is not to show them your vulnerability and if you are feeling vulnerable, stay away from them. You need supportive people in your life but sadly even your illness is not going to turn them into that. Are there any support groups or charities that could help - Macmillan are good IIRC, like they will do things like giving you someone to come with you to appointments and things like that.

OakleyB · 12/06/2019 07:34

Ahh thank you again for the lovely responses. I am having counselling it took months to get an appointment and I seem to have found a great counsellor. You are only allowed a certain number of sessions, this has been stretched for me because of the cancer. We have tried to spread the sessions out so that I don't run out of them as it were. You people echo her advice - I need to not let family know when I am at my lowest, they can be so cruel. Not easy, again I am working on it! Good idea about Macmillan, trouble is their helpline isn't open at night which is the hardest time for me. Thank you for your support, I am so glad I took the plunge and stopped lurking.

OP posts:
OakleyB · 12/06/2019 07:36

Toomuchtooold I will look for that thread.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 12/06/2019 07:43

The Samaritans helpline is open at night. You don't have to be actively suicidal to call, needing to talk is enough.

mybeebop · 12/06/2019 08:16

I just want to send my full support. If you have blood cancer could you look at getting support through the cancer charities? Lots have online support forums. If you’re under 35 have a look at an organisation called Shine. My friend made lots of friends and got lots of support through them. If you PM me I can send you more details

Havenly · 12/06/2019 08:24

MacMillan was my first thought too.Not for those lonely moments in the night but for ongoing support and emotional/ practical help.

Lipstickandlashes · 12/06/2019 08:31

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just wanted to second Macmillan. Great practical support and they may be able to help with emotional support/counselling too. You sound like a remarkably strong woman; I hope you find the help you deserve.

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