I'm so lost and empty.

[Cosyhusky]

My aibu here is asking for your help and suggestions.

I'm 25, sahm to a 5.5 year old and a 4 year old. One at school and one at nursery. I love my children dearly. I do suffer with depression, anxiety and PTSD but I'm on medication for this and have had counselling for all these issues.

For the last year or so I've just felt like I'm wandering through life with no drive. No goals, dreams, aspirations, no direction, motivation or desire to do anything besides the bare minimum in the house and making sure my children are healthy, happy and loved.

The best way to describe how I'm feeling is empty. Empty and lost.

How do I 'find' myself? Where the hell do I start?

If you could wave a wand and get everything your heart desires - what would it be?

Sorry to hear - what do you enjoy doing ? If that's too hard what did you like doing before kids ? I think you need to find something whether that be drawing creating playing music exercising that gives you a release - whether that's joining a club if possible or doing it at home - you need to invest in doing you -hope you feel better soon.

Hi there OP, I had my eldest at about the same age you had yours. When I was 22-24 I went through a very similar phase. I felt disconnected from my friends, from myself and didn't know what I wanted. There is no magic recipe. All I can say is remember you really are very young and it's ok to take a bit of time to figure out what you want. It'll come to you, probably from an unexpected direction, something you can't foresee right now. Just focus on keeping your children happy and healthy and look after yourself. Just don't put any pressure on yourself, now is not the time. Keep an open mind; soon enough your kids will be a bit less dependent on you and you'll have the headspace to find your direction.

By finding one small nice thing to do for yourself each day, every day. Doesn't have to be huge or part of a bigger goal, could be anything that brings you a moment of pleasure or joy or peace.

Getting into the habit of having niceness in your day for you will build over time... And take the edge off all the difficult feelings you're dealing with.

Try psychotherapy rather than I guess the cbt you’ve had. Explore who you are what is important to you how you can organise your life to fit in with the values you hold

I am aware how crap that sounds, but it can help!

Trying to go from where you are now to a dramatically different way of living overnight would be too much and too overwhelming.

Hi OP, as Mirri said, making sure your DC are well cared for Is the best thing you could be doing atm - also getting help for your health issues, so well done.

However having lack of motivation is something I’ve experienced a few times over the years. Creating goals helped me tremendously and doing something for myself. When I got married, moved (so I had to close down my business) and had kids I found doing adult education courses helped. Years later joining the gym gave me more goals.

Do you plan to work once both DC are at school? Perhaps part time or volunteering? Or take up a new hobby/start your own business?

Perhaps a small goal to start with and it’s also important to know there will be good days and bad days. Take your time.