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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for help wording this...

18 replies

GreyMirror · 11/06/2019 18:41

To give context, boyfriend of 3 months, he’s said he’ll text later on a few times and doesn’t end up doing, today I asked him to come over and he said he had something to do but would come over if he’d got it finished, I haven’t heard anything from him since. Lack of communication outside the time we spend together is starting to bother me so wanted to send a text to let him know... does this sound ok or is it too full on?

I’ve felt a bit upset that you didn’t let me know what you’d decided you were doing today. It leaves me feeling a bit confused sometimes cos I feel like when I’m with you you say you care about me and act like you care about me but then sometimes when we’re not together it feels like you don’t really think about me that much to want to talk or sometimes you say you’ll text later then don’t. I get you’re busy and that’s fine but it’d take seconds to just send a quick text saying I’m busy speak tomorrow or whatever. I don’t mean to make you feel bad for not coming over saying that, I honestly don’t mind that you didn’t, it just bothers me cos I feel like you don’t care enough to let me know.

Thanks in advance for any changes or suggestions.

OP posts:
Crabbitstick · 11/06/2019 18:43

If communication is the issue wouldn’t it be best to have this conversation in person?

PutyourtoponTrevor · 11/06/2019 18:44

It's been 3 months, it shouldn't be this difficult this early

PutyourtoponTrevor · 11/06/2019 18:45

And definitely don't send that text!

ShitAtScarbble · 11/06/2019 18:46

Sorry - I really don’t mean this in a nasty way but that text just makes you sound clingy, needy and a bit desperate. This guy doesn’t measure up to your standards - bin him and keep your dignity intact.

bridgetreilly · 11/06/2019 18:47

Definitely don't send the text. Talk to him about it when you see him.

DonnaDarko · 11/06/2019 18:47

It's only quarter to 7, plenty of time for him to come over.

Also I think you need to relax, you're only 3 months in!

ScreamingValenta · 11/06/2019 18:47

'Hi - will you be coming over today or not?'

cuppycakey · 11/06/2019 18:49

Oh My God!!

Are you 15?

Please do not send that text. He isn't as into you as you are into him. I would just text him saying you are sorry but you just aren't feeling it any more but you wish him well.

mummmy2017 · 11/06/2019 18:50

Hi any update on tonight's plans? Xx

FluffyRabbitGal · 11/06/2019 18:59

This seems a little petty if I’m honest. I have a friend who always says “I’ll text you later” and never does- I think it’s just her way of saying goodbye. Although I’m always quite pleased when she doesn’t as I personally hate texting!! Would much rather talk.

GreyMirror · 11/06/2019 19:05

Thanks everyone, there’s other things going on at the moment (not with boyfriend) that’s making me feel like I need the reassurance of a bit more communication so I probably am being a bit needy at the moment so thanks for the reality check, I won’t send any message.

Would other people be ok with not being updated on plans? It’s a 4in drive each way so he definitely won’t be coming over now, I feel like it would have been nice for him to let me know that a bit earlier...

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 11/06/2019 19:15

Too long

PutyourtoponTrevor · 11/06/2019 19:31

If he can't be bothered now in the early days, it's probably only going to get worse. Don't chase him OP, see if he bothers contacting you, if he doesn't....next!

TanyaChix · 11/06/2019 20:40

No, I wouldn’t be ok with not being updated. He’s now creating a situation where he has the control and you wait around for him to give plans the go-ahead.

If I were you, I’d concentrate on making myself busy and slightly less available. You’d be surprised how much that can spur lazy, thoughtless men into action.

The text is too much about giving him all the power (can’t think of a better word) and seems a bit needy. I totally get why you feel that way but it’s not a good idea to show that after such a short time.

IndieTara · 11/06/2019 21:00

Op live your life don't wait around for him to become it

Wereeaglesdare · 11/06/2019 23:20

I had someone I was seeing act like this before, he would be all interested then very distant and vague over text.
I tried to add him on fb because it came up on my phone on do you know and he never accepted my request! So like u I'd had enough and I sent that message and blocked him and I still remember feeling such a fool sending that message. I wish i had just acted not interested for my own self respect.
You can't make someone like you by your words and they can't prove it by theirs its purely by actions. Fast forward time by a yr my now DP three months in to seeing him on valentines came round to mine and threw stones at my flat as my phone was off lol and I looked down and he had a rose in his mouth. He told me he was working that night but somehow got a swap cos he didn't wana miss me.
The right guy proves to you how much he likes you with his actions. Bin this loser off he doesn't know your worth. And I often find with guys like this it's just a sex thing not saying he doesn't like your company but he won't go out of his way for you and you deserve more.

Iamnotagoddess · 11/06/2019 23:22

It sounds like he not really into you.

You need to read “He’s Just Not That into You”

Wereeaglesdare · 11/06/2019 23:24

Also to the posters who have slagged you off they are unfair. It would be nice to live in a world we're a woman can tell a man how she feels about a situation without being called needy. Certainly doesn't make you 15 makes you a woman who knows what she wants. But it just won't change anything and you will wish you hadn't bothered.

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