Full time nursery?

[myfingersarenotsogreen]

Is it fair to increase DS nursery to full time?

DS is 3 and a half. He currently does 2.5 days at a school nursery plus some wraparound. so 9-3, 7.30-6 and 7.30-1. He seems to just about manage these hours.

I have been a SAHM until the last year and I am gradually getting myself back into work. I have been lucky to find a job which is going really well - and they would like me to increase my hours. It would probably be to 4 days a week, but long days.

I was hoping to wait until DS is in full time school before upping my hours but if I can’t cover the vacancy they will have to get someone else. Its a niche job and I can’t move to a new work place, so could lose the opportunity for a permanent career there.

DH is adjusting to me being back at work and also feels that this is too much for DS ( DC1 only did part time until starting full time school but I wasn’t working). We can manage without me working financially as we planned for me to be a SAHM till both DCs were in school - until this opportunity appeared. The job is quite full on and I think he is worried that workload and stress will impact on family life too.

AIBU to put DS into more childcare to pursue this career opportunity?

Can your partner work 4 days/ compressed hours to look after DS1 one day? Why should it just be on you?

Nope, not unreasonable at all.

Agree with crabbit- has your partner offered to compress his hours?

But even if neither of you can make compressed hours work, plenty of children are in childcare full time. And you could take him out of nursery 1 day a week since you'd only be doing 4 days.

If your partner doesn't want ds in nursery full time then its his responsibility to change his hours.

Take the job if you want it!ds will be fine in nursery ft

YANBU it difficult as a mum because you feel guilty about EVERYTHING. Your son will be fine in full time nursery so many children are and this sounds important to your career. I was in full time nursery from 6 months old and in all honestly I don't remember it! I have a very close bond with my family so it didn't have a detrimental effect on me. Your son will be happy if you are happy so do what's best for you.

I personally wouldn't want my 3 year old to spend so much time in nursery (I'm sure that won't be popular!). I think it would be exhausting for him. However I know plenty of couples that both work long hours and both parents do compressed hours - so 4 day weeks. That way the child is only in nursery 3 days a week. You said you don't need to work but if you want to then both working 4 days (and having different days off) seems like a good solution.

If your DH thinks it is too much then he can take a day off perhaps and support your career?

Would he be 7.30-6 four days a week?

I would do this because he’ll be in school in a year anyway and you work in a niche area so jobs won’t come up much. Also I think you are saying 4 days? But my view is the same whether 4 or 5 days.

Go for it, ds will be fine. Your dh may be genuinely worried about the kids but alas (from experience) he's also worrying that you having a career will impact him. I turned down jobs, put the kids and his career first and ... years later he cites me not working full time when they were young as a reason for divorce despite him not wanting me to. I was a huge advocate of staying home with kids but now I'm not so sure. You need to put yourself first otherwise one day you could be me (or one of the thousands of other Mumsnetters in similar positions who also didn't think it would happen to them)

You do realise nurseries are full of children who are in full time? of course YANBU, it’ll be good for him. And he’s 3, not 3 months

Your DH can drop a half day if he thinks full time nursery is such a bad idea.

I wouldnt do it but everybody has different thoughts on this kind of thing.
Is your partner able to have ds at all?

Get your DH to reduce/change his working hours then. Sounds like a great opportunity OP, your DC will be fine.

I would do it but your DH will have to share the load at home too

My 2 year old is in childcare 8-4.45 5 days a week. If your husband has a problem with it then he compresses his hours and does 4 days a week as well. I suspect it wont be such a problem when you say this though.....

Thanks for the responses.

Unfortunately DH can’t apply for fleible working etc as he works on short term contracts. He is hands on, but he earns in a day what I would be earning in a week...

The nursery place would be a 30 hours place 9-3 Mon-Fri and then wrap around 7.30 - 6 on likely 3 days. I am hoping to negociate a 4 day week so would probably want to keep DS home that day - although I am not sure how the nursery would feel about us taking a 30 hours place then missing a day?

It is term time only though so at least we will get lots of breaks together.

I think term time only makes a big difference op. You have to do whats right for you and your family.
Everybody is different

Teacher’s perspective here; IME (years teaching KS1 and 2) I’ve often found children who’ve been in FT nursery to be very sociable, adaptable, independent and resilient.

That’s not to say that children of SAHPs are not like this, I’m just pointing out that FT nursery is extremely unlikely to cause any damage to your child. It might even be a good thing!

I'm sure he'll be fine. My daughter does four full days and often complains on a Friday that she's missing her friends!