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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am fed up of all this malarky

22 replies

Radley · 24/07/2007 08:07

When dh is on nights, all I hear in practically every single sentence is how tired and exhausted he is.

I got a phone call late last night to tell me that dd1 has 2 dancing exams this afternoon and needs to have the afternoon off school.

This morning dh and I have had an argument over this, as he insists that he will get up after 4 hours sleep and take her, I've said no, as I KNOW that in the 2 hours that she is doing the exams he will be straight to the pub, and after so little sleep he will be pissed after an hour.

I'd already had it arranged last night how I was going to take her etc and get it sorted without him waking.

He has now put the alarm on insisting that he IS taking her etc.

My intentions were to take her and go and have an hour in the library and a long leisurely latte before picking her up.

ALSO it is concerts this morning so he is getting up about 10am (fair enough, they are once a year) and then coming home and going back to bed.

I suppose it's my fault really for telling him in the first place that she has exams, I could have got away with taking her and him being none the wiser.

Whereas over the last couple of weeks I have discovered a couple of big lies that he has told me, and is now making me wonder what else he is lying about.

OP posts:
Budababe · 24/07/2007 08:10

Why does he want to take her?

My DH would be only too glad not to have to do something like that.

What would happen if you told him what you had planned and said that "I know that if you go you will end up in pub"? Huge row?

CAn you find something else he HAS to do?

Original poster
Radley · 24/07/2007 08:31

Budababe, he wants to take her so that he can spend all afternoon in the pub.

That is what the row was about this morning, I told him that I had made the arrangements and that I was taking her, he could get a decent sleep an get up at 2.45 to collect dd2.

As for something else to do, he does absolutely nothing when he is on his 4 days on work. He can't even manage to put a plate in the dishwashers as he is "SO TIRED".

OP posts:
kslatts · 24/07/2007 08:59

Is he working tonight? Does that mean he will go to the pub in the afternoon and then go to work tonight.

Original poster
Radley · 24/07/2007 09:09

No, he's not working tonight, but, he will have a few pints, pick dd1 up, take her back, have a couple of more pints then come home and fall asleep on the sofa.

OP posts:
Freckle · 24/07/2007 09:13

I presume he isn't driving then?

Original poster
Radley · 24/07/2007 09:20

Nope, the only sort of driving he does is me up the wall

OP posts:
Budababe · 24/07/2007 09:38

So you say "No I will take DD otherwise you will go to pub and not get enough sleep". Done.

kslatts · 24/07/2007 09:49

Does he go to the pub very often? I wouldn't have a problem with dh doing this but he rarely goes to the pub, if he went all the time it would get on my nerves.

SweetyDarling · 24/07/2007 09:57

Does he have a drinking problem? Sounds very odd to me.
Tell him that accompanying parents are expected to stay in the room and watch the exams with thier children - might not seem so appealing then.

Emprexia · 24/07/2007 10:18

Go and turn his alarm off.

My DH works nights and complains about being tired like he's the only one who never gets a good sleep, so i completly sympathise.

He had 12 hours yesterday after going to bed at 1am. i got up with 10mo old twice and when he fell back to sleep, went back to bed to catch up on my sleep because i was shattered.

He woke up for the third time at 1pm and i refused to get up again and told DH it was his turn.. but apparently i was being unfair waking him up after only 12 hours sleep (i'd only had 7) because he would have to be awake until 8am this morning.

Original poster
Radley · 24/07/2007 11:17

He just doesn't seem to be able to have 'one or two', he tries to get as many drinks in as he can in the time he has got, which really annoys me.

He doesn't go out very often, but, when he does he always goes overboard.

OP posts:
wheresthehamster · 24/07/2007 11:23

Even when he's in charge of the children Radley? That must be really worrying.

meandmy · 24/07/2007 11:25

oh dear could you not both go show a united front and have lunch/coffe together?

Fireflyfairy2 · 24/07/2007 11:29

So he's going to take dd1 to the pub with him whilst dd2 does her exam? There's where my problem would lie I'm afraid.

It sounds like he wants to get to the pub no matter what. Have you tried telling him you don't want him to go to the pub.

Also, the couple of lies you have caught him out on... were they that bad?

Original poster
Radley · 24/07/2007 11:50

Sorry, I think I've not explained very well.

DD2 would still be at school, he would get up at 2.45 giving him time to have more sleep, whilst I'm up town.

with regards to the lies, he says he doesn't go to the bookies, I asked him last week and he said blatantly no, later I got some money out of his wallet and found slips for the same day for £30.00

Then he said he had lent 100.00 off a friend, I went mad, but he asked me to sort something on his phone and noticed that he had actually borrowed 200.00

OP posts:
kslatts · 24/07/2007 12:19

If he goes overboard then YANBU.

EscapeFrom · 24/07/2007 12:23

have any of you moaners ever done nights?

The are soul destroying, they leech every last willing movement out of your body, and make you feel like the living dead!

You DO need to tank up well on sleep if you are going to be up working until 8am - but presumably kaishay you can go to bed when the baby does? He can't.

EscapeFrom · 24/07/2007 12:24

However Radley, your OH seems like a bloody nightmare, YANBU, but you can't control men like this, they just find other ways to do as they please, like lying.

Emprexia · 24/07/2007 13:19

Yes Escapefrom, i can go to bed when baby does. But DH goes to bed at the latest 9.30am and sleeps til 6pm EVERYDAY, which means unless he's feeling generous and lets me have a whole 2hrs lie-in of a morning, i have my son, on my own, with no respite or help from 8pm Monday night until 7pm Friday night during which time i'm expected to clean house aswell.

I dont think its selfish to ask him to get up and let me catch up on my sleep before the week starts when he's just had 12 hours sleep straight while i've been getting up to our son all night and all morning.

Just because he goes to work 4 nights a week does not entitle him or anyone else that works nights to claim they are more tired than anyone else. I'd love to get 8-10 hours undisturbed sleep a night/day only i don't, i'm lucky if i get 6.

mylittlefreya · 24/07/2007 13:28

I have done nights - 7 back to back of 13 hours work with no breaks and no food.

Looking after a baby day in day out alone for weeks and months is FAR more tiring.

OP - my DH does nights and ceases to be able to move clothes, plates, etc. YANBU. Agree, turn his alarm off. It may be worth the row if you can be honest and tell him what the problem is?

Fireflyfairy2 · 24/07/2007 16:09

What did you do in the end?

EscapeFrom · 24/07/2007 21:31

I have done nights,but I have also had two babies, jaishay, and screw the nights, I would rather have the babies. night shifts are miserable and thankless because everyone things ten hours straight sleep is great - not 9.30 am to 7.30 pm it isn't! You still feel like a corpse.

You need to timetable some time to youirself into the week, at a reasonable time for both of you, so you don't feel resentful, and he doesn't feel like sobbing with exhaustion.

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