To stop being childcare

[rhng]

I look after my sisters LO, I have been doing it for the last 6 months. I also have a LO of my own and the age gap between them isn't a lot, just over a year.
The thing is, the past few months I have found it extremely difficult to have them both, as my sisters LO is hard work to look after and my LG is going through a phase too, the trouble is my sisters LOs behaviour is then making my LGs behaviour go backwards! It's putting a huge strain on my already suffering mental health and I just don't want to do it anymore.
She also keeps using the line of if I wasn't caring for her LO (for free might I add!), and they had to pay for childcare they would have to give up their mortgage, but she's just paid to have some of the house renovated, she's always going out with her boyfriend and her mates and then tells me she is poor and struggling each month. It makes me so angry as I feel like I am being walked all over!

So my question is, AIBU to tell her that I no longer want to do it and she will need to find a childminder?
She is very hot headed and thinks she entitled to everything. She has the cheek to assume I should do it too, because I am a stay at home mum, so I don't do anything.
I am worrying so much as I hate conflict and I know she is going to kick up an entitled storm, like she has done about things in the past.

No of course not. You stay at home to look after YOUR child, not anyone else’s.

So she gets the hump? What’s the worst than can happen?

YANBU

I would give her a decent amount of warning that you no longer wish to do it so she can find a childminder but I would set a firm date so that she can’t take the piss.

She will be cross but she will get over it.

YANBU. She's taking the piss. But she sounds seriously entitled and hard work so expect the fallout to be huge. Don't let that stop you though.

Of COURSE you're not being unreasonable to stop being FREE CHILDCARE for your sister.

Do you have a partner who works so you can stay home? What's their view on effectively working to subsidise someone else's mortgage?

I definitely think you need to talk to her sooner rather than later, else you’ll really end up resenting her. I think something along the lines of “I’m starting to struggle with both of them because of their age” is completely reasonable.

I think the best thing you can probably do is give her plenty of notice. So don’t put it off in case you hit breaking point.

When do her free hours kick in?

You are very kind to be looking after her LO and she will hopefully be grateful for what you have done so far.

You need to say, possibly in writing if you think your sister will have a slanging match with you

Dear Sis, I'm afraid I'm going to need to stop doing childcare for you from X DATE. I know it's been a big help to you over the last 6 months but I am beginning to feel completely burnt out with the responsibilities and I can't keep doing it past X DATE as I need to prioritise my mental health.

It’s not your job to manage her finances. YANBU at all.

YANBU at all, she’s a total freeloader. You’re not a childminder, she needs to find one.

You have every right to stop doing this. You don’t need to make excuses but if you want to explain to your sister just say it is too much for you.

You have to believe in your heart that you are perfectly reasonable to not want tocarry on with this.

that's the first battle.

Then you have to believe that you can cope with the fall out and that it really doesn't matter if a spoilt madam is cross with you.

YANBU she sounds like she's using you. I would just give her a decent amount of notice and then stop. If you went back to work and your sister provided childcare I'm sure you could renovate your house too.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. How, on earth, could you think that you are?
(I have written this harshly on purpose)

Unless you forced your sister to have a child, do renovations and go out all the time?

The mistake you made was the 6th months tbh.
yes, ffs tell her it's not working for you anymore. If she kicks up a fuss tell her you can bill her for the 6 months if she likes.
Give her a month that should be long enough.
Why do people have kids then palm them off the first chance they get?

Ignore any fuss she makes, if necessary block her calls and messages. You are fully entitled to say no. You could if necessary point out that you have already saved her hundreds of pounds and it simply can't go on.

Give her 2 weeks notice and then stop
Who looks after LO when she's out with her mates? She must have other options.
Stick to your guns. Don't crack. Once.

I think it's really unfair that she is profiting from your labour. She should be paying you something, even if it is reduced rates.

Basically you are the reason she can afford her renovations and luxuries, things you might not be able to afford yourself.

She is a cheeky cow and don't let her put pressure on you to continue if you don't want to

I would actually include "I am unwell and struggling, I can't cope with caring for them both anymore. I will try for another couple of weeks but after x date I won't be able to have DN"

agree withthe others, it's fine to say it's not working for you anymore.

She will probably pull the "family look after each other" line - before she does, stop and think, how much childcare has she done for you? Has she offered to say, have your DC every weekend so you can have a day off? Has she/her DH babysat in the evening so you can go out? Assuming she doesn't work 7 days a week, has she tried to make an effort to take your DC some times so it's family taking care of each other - or is it just that she wants to take from family?

Keep that in your mind if she guilts you about this.

Also, it might be worth booking something in if you can, perhaps a few days away to visit a friend - in about a months time - so you aren't there on the date she is given as deadline to find alternatively childcare.

Of course you're not being unreasonable your sister is a cheeky fucker and if she has the nerve to kick off calmly point out you haven't charged her a penny for the theblast 6 months and you are no longer able to look after her baby so she must find another alternative for care. She can't force you to look after her child op what's she gonna do turn up on your doorstep and leave the baby there? A firm no is all you need to keep saying

Of course yanbu.

You know this , know your dsis is entitled so will continue as it is unless you change it.

If you want to make telling her easier, you could say that your little one is having some issues that need your full attention? Definitely stop the arrangement.

GIve her a date and then be away on the week immediately following that, so you physically CAN'T care for her child anymore.

Does she ever look after your child?

This is awful! please tell your sister you can't do it anymore; your mental health is suffering and it's having an adverse impact on your daughter's development too. You don't have to tell her Any of that or anything else for that matter just that you can't do it anymore as you're finding it too hard. She'll have to make alternative arrangements (and you bet they won't 'give up the mortgage' - who does that??! They'll just manage like everyone else).

Look after yourself and your little girl and enjoy the time together; you have done your bit.

knock this free childcare on the head OP, and don't let her bully you into changing your mind