I had really bad anxiety attacks and even had to sit down on the floor during the school run (held on to ds zip on coat so noone even noticed) because i couldnt breathe and it felt like the world was shaking. Maybe people noticed but i ran us out as soon as i could.
I couldnt go to shops or cross the road in front of a car. . I used to walk an hour and 5 mins to my dads house instead of get the bus.
It was really difficult to do anything. I also used to hide round the corner before going into the flat to make sure noone else would be there.
It caused endless problems with my dp- he thought i wasnt pulling my weight with shopping or running errands but i was so scared.
Now i worked really hard to overcome the obsticals .... i go to the shops and on busses and everything. I even do the school run cinsistantly. (When ds was in nursery and anxiety was at its worst he had really bad attendance because i couldnt leave if the cleaner of communal areas was there or if i had to walk by school mums.... it was really crap and dp gave me shit for it and rightly so. But nursery usnt compulsary so no real problem)
Anyway i worked really hard and can get along fine now. It took ages but i managed to kick the thoughts to the back of my mind and rarely have a PA.
But i can feel it creeping back and getting stronger. Havent been to shop on my own in ages. Shy away from other school mums again. Head down and dont a knowledge the cleaner (of comunal areas of council flat)
Dp has started new job and works away 6 days a week. So i am on my own with 3 dcs (7 5 1) and i really dont know how to handle it.
Feel really depressed and am finding it harder and harder doing transactional tasks. I just want to sleep forever but cant. I have been lurking on mumsnet but keep deleting before posting.
Has anyone else had a relapse of seriously bad anxiety? How do you deal with it?
I dont know if i have the mental energy to sort out all of my feelings again. I just want to be a normal mum but feel like i have bitten off more than i can chew
I have been managing to say hi to a few mums at the school and teachers but i have been ... trying to stay away so i dont have to.
I havent got it in me to say 'good morning.... fine thanks'
How do i get back on track.
Also i want self help advive. I have a small gp and no way am i able to ask for help. Wont be able to deal with imunisations with kids if i go to doctors for help and .... you know how it goes.