To be completely burned out

[PrettyTricky]

Short version....have gone through a major financial upheaval and also an emotional upset / loss in the last year. During this time I went from working part time to full time.

On top of this, we are now set to move this summer to another part of the UK with a resistant 13 year old, and I'm struggling with the enormity of it all. Have so much to sort out that I don't even know where to start.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been feeling physically awful. Headaches, nausea, exhausted all the time. I'm pretty certain it's high anxiety, worry and probably the accumulated stress of the last year which I didn't deal with at the time as had so much to do, so just kept busy.
I now feel depressed, utterly burned out and not coping well. I'm not sure how to pick myself back up and get some enthusiasm for life and organising this move. All I want to do is to crawl into bed and not make any more big decisions for a while.
Need to pull myself together, but how?

First, give yourself the day off. Go somewhere or do something that you know will blow the cobwebs out of your brain and let you recharge. I used to go to a particular spot in the Peak District no matter what the weather. Even just half an hour sitting on the low hillside in the valley would recharge me.

Then, make a list of everything you need to do. Don't get overwhelmed by it. Think of it as being Very Useful and a way to track all.

Start packing things you really don't need between now and the move.

Take time to be kind to yourself. I didn't and I'm only now, x months later, starting to feel glimmers of my normal self.

As for the 13 year old, just accept his/her response as normal for that age and don't take it personally. They will come through it okay.

And by 'packing' I mean that if it's beyond you at ta moment to put things in boxes, just move them in passing to a spot in your house where they're safe and together for when you're ready.

Thanks, that's helpful. I think list making would help to break it down a bit as it's looming so large in my mind but it all a bit formless and unclear, if I had a clear written plan then I think it would help.

Will plan a long walk for the weekend, I always find the beach helps me and haven't had a walk along the sand in a long time, so will also do that.

Just got to keep putting one foot in front of the other I think.

When you do your list, make one of all the places you will need to change address with. Definitely have a Post Office redirection thing, but you'll need to change for banks, subscriptions, memberships, etc. Being organized in that front will make life a whole tonne easier and far less stressful.

In the last year we moved DS in year 8 schools which he hated, then DM was diagnosed as terminally ill and died, we have money stress, DD singles (aged 12) l, discovered severe bedbug infestation meaning all beds/ furniture X 4 people and then I had a hideously stressful few weeks at work meaning In now signed off as I can't talk about work without crying (which is proving to be quite embarrassing ).

I agree with making a list, but then go one step further and separate it into must, should, could. If everything is a Must can you farm any of it out to anyone else? If not can you farm any day to day (ie Hello Fresh, get a cleaner etc) out to give you time/space to to more from the list.

Ultimately, you just have to recognise this as some of the shit that just had to happen to make the move happen. And sometimes keeping on going is the bravest/biggest thing you can do.

Best of luck

God @Chartreuse , you've really had a tough time. I hope things get better at work. Has your DS settled in school now? And bloody bed bugs, the absolute last thing you need. I really hope things settle down soon for you.

I think the list is my best plan to break down the feeling over overwhelm. I just need to take things step by step and do what I need to do for that day, and not worry too much about everything all at once.

I just want to feel physically better, I've never had stress make me actually ill before, but I'm convinced that's what it is.

Sorry that post should have been @Chartreuser

Funnily we were talking about his school yesterday, he understands why we moved him (knives, drugs, gangs) and realises the school he is at is much better, but he also hasn't found a close knit group of friends like he had before. It was really hard for him, and for us but we were due of our reasons, we had issues with his primary too and I didn't want to look back and again regret doing nothing.

Year 8 is an ok time to move too, how is he about the move?

Take it easy when you feel the need. Then set aside one task at a time. This way hopefully you won't feel overloaded. Good luck for the move - they're stressful at the best of times.

It's year 10 for my ds, which is another concern. He's upset about it, and resistant. Not too dramatic, but he's not that way inclined anyway, but there has been tears. Hehas a lovely bunch of friends here and it will be hard for him to adjust. Perhaps a lot of the problem is that it's a lovely place we live in now, and it's a necessary move rather than a totally desirable one. This is feeding my anxiety too, just feel sick to my stomach constantly.

Is your anxiety because you are unsure about your decision? E.g., if all of this is to move in with a new partner, your gut may be telling you that you are moving too fast. Which might be right.

Hiya, I can relate. In the last year we moved countries, homes, and schools, with a 12 and 14 year old.

I totally agree with the lists. I tend to break it done into what I want to do weekly, in day form. And at the moment, given the way you are feeling, please be very conservative in what you ask/demand of yourself. Some days, it may be an achievement to get out of bed, not kill anybody, get food down everybody and then go back to bed.

With reference to wanting to feel better physically, what I found, was that when I forced myself to get outside, every day, and go for a walk, things felt a lot better. Particularly if the sun is shining. I'm taking vitamin D, and vitamin B, plus magnesium and a pro-biotic, which has helped me feel a lot better. With the nausea, I just accepted that sometimes I could eat, sometimes I could not, and that took the pressure off. Smoothies help make sure you get something down you.

With your 13 year old - well, they've got a right to feel how they do, regardless of how good our reasons are, their world has been turned upside down, and without their say so! I found accepting and sympathising with how they felt helped a great deal - however, that was not allowed to be expressed in rudeness, anger and hostility at me. Ask them if they need to see someone to talk to about it. Mine found art and journalling helped. If there is any room in the budget for a touch of bribery, that can help. Also, just doing things that show you care helps, cooking their favourite meal, encouraging new friendships, that sort of thing.

Sorry for the novel. I hope you feel better soon.

Same here. I've had yesterday and today off work ( I have suspected shingles, which usually caused by stress) and am starting to feel a lot better. I couldn't even think at the end of last week.
Take a mental health day and give yourself a break.

@GeorgeTheFirst no, not new partner or anything like that. Moving because of DP's work. Yes anxious about the move because I will be leaving my job, and more because of my dc. It will be an emotional wrench to move, but I'm always bad with change anyway. DP is already working away a lot (then move will remedy that) so feels like I'm doing a lot on my own (although he is completely supportive and a brilliant help generally).

@mbosnz thanks, good advice. I think the fresh air and maintaining a decent diet and

I always expect a lot of myself, so I probably need to cut myself some slack and just take it day by day.

PrettyTricky, I know exactly what you mean! I'm always feeling bad that I'm not doing enough - the girls and DH are getting exasperated because I'm pushing myself a bit hard to do too much and be perfect, which inevitably goes tits up because my body rebels against it!

Please think seriously about taking a couple of days as 'sick days' where you only do what you have to do, and just nurture yourself the way you would your child or partner if they were sick. Just give yourself some breathing space, physically and mentally.