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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Father’s Day gift for DSD

29 replies

Herewegoagain123 · 10/06/2019 16:33

DSD is 15. She has a job in a local restaurant weekends and holidays. There’s a long story but cutting it short we don’t get on all that well, polite, and tolerate each other for DH’s sake. This is years down the line of me trying everything but facing a brick wall of hostility.

I never hear from her, all contact is through her dad. If I’m in on her visits, I cook her food, make her comfortable at home, ensure she has everything she needs but she rarely speaks
To me, preferring to whisper to her dad. There’s tonnes of stuff I could write but I’ve disengaged mostly, make myself scarce and we all get by.

The ONLY time she messages me is Christmas, dads birthday and father’s day. She has a small amount of money from her job and her school is in a busy town where she goes every lunchtime and after school. She’s messaged asking me to get him something for father’s day, card and present, as she does every Christmas and birthday.

AIBU in telling her to sort this herself now she’s getting older? Even a box of cheap chocs would mean a lot more Than something I’d bought.

She’s quite mature for her age and incredibly manipulative.

OP posts:
Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 16:45

Oakmaiden - I see how it doesn’t make sense. We have them EOW and a night during the week. I was asked on Monday, provided gifts on Wednesday, will see again Wednesday and next weekend.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 17/06/2019 08:48

Ah, ok. The night makes all the difference.

SandyY2K · 17/06/2019 13:51

We have them EOW and a night during the week. I was asked on Monday, provided gifts on Wednesday, will see again Wednesday and next weekend.

So with the normal schedule, you and her both knew she wouldn't see her dad this weekend then?

Did you not think to ask if she'd be dropping round on FD? Or if she wanted you to give her dad the gift/card on her behalf?

Surely that would have been the logical thing to do under the circumstances.

Herewegoagain123 · 17/06/2019 14:21

She’s unable to just “drop by” as she is slightly too far to walk and clearly doesn’t have her own transport yet. So I didn’t need to ask.

As she’s 15 and knew she wouldn’t be seeing him, my logical opinion was that she would write the card and give it to him on Wednesday!

As I’d already reminded her it was FD, had bought the card and gift and she has no special needs, I felt she could manage this low level of expectation. I was wrong!

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