I'm getting to the stage where I feel like leaving. It sounds terrible but I feel as though living like this for any longer will destroy me.
My children 10 & 12 have no respect for me, they're constantly arguing and fighting. Treating me like dirt and screaming and shouting at me. They don't do anything I say. I feel as though I've lost them. I feel like I've lost myself.
I used to be so different, I loved parenting, I found it easy..ish. I'd throw myself into their activities and go above and beyond where their lives were concerned. Getting involved in school life, hosting sleepovers and impromptu garden parties for their friends in our neighbourhood.
It all changed when they hit about 9. To the point now where I barely leave the house and spend as little time as possible with them. I very rarely even let their friends in the house anymore. I just feel like I'm going through the motions of life. Even one of their mutual friends has commented on how much my two argue with eachother.
Basically they house is like a warzone. They were better behaved when they were toddlers.
My husband does anything for an easy life. Basically he does whatever shuts them up the quickest. He seems to favour one of the children. I've pulled him up on this multiple times. Nothing changes.
I just don't think I can do this anymore. I feel like I am depressed. Most days I don't want to get out of bed. I often wake up to them screaming at eachother and when I try to sort it out doors get slammed in my face. They've just gone back to school and i'm dreading the summer holidays.
As I write this I just want to cry. This isn't the mother I thought I'd be. This isn't the mother I was 2 years ago!
I feel I have let everyone down. I worry they're going to grow up with problems because of the way I am now because of their behaviour towards me and eachother.
Any advice?