To think my brothers ridiculous

[mummumumumumumum]

My mum and dad have been on holiday for 2 weeks, during that 2 weeks my brother (35), who lives with them messaged them asking for money, he lost his job and has run out of food.

They're in Spain so mum messaged him back saying to go and ask me.
Backstory is that my brother has a problem with alcohol and has borrow £100s off me over the years and I Have said no more money but if he is hungry I will feed him.

Brother said no. I'll give him healthy rubbish (I'm a vegetarian personal trainer) and not what he eats.

I told my mum he's not as hungry as he's making out and he wants alcohol money but mum is sure that he isn't drinking anymore.

How is there not enough food in the house to keep alive for two weeks?

Surely most houses with three adults living in them have a bag of pasta, rice, tin of beans etc.

Your mother is a complete enabler. It must be hard for you.

This sounds just like the life lesson he needs. Tell him that apparently M&S bins are excellent for finding food if you’re starving. Heard that tip last week.

He's run out of money within two weeks and your mother thinks he's off the booze? What does she imagine he's spent it on?

Send him a link to the local job centre...

The most ridiculous part is him calling his Mummy to "make" you give him money - and that she tried!!! No wonder he's a giant, useless man baby.

i am sorry too with what you are dealing with.
take strength in knowing you are doing the right thing.
he will get hold of booze by hook or by crook but you dont need to enable him.

I'd drop off a few basics (cereal, milk, sausages, bananas, eggs) and leave him to it. I'll eat my hat if he doesn't have an ongoing addiction.

Ask him for a shopping list then buy the food for him & drop it off or have it delivered to the house. If he refuses this offer then tell your parents & recommend that he should move out

He’s 35 not 15! OP doesn’t need to do a bloody shop for him, he needs to grow the hell up and stop scrounging off others.

The house can't be empty of food, surely? Most people will have bits and pieces in the freezer, packets, tins, and a supply of rice/pasta etc. He might perhaps need a pint or two of milk and some fresh fruit, in which case offer to drop that round. Do NOT give him money.

I also cannot believe that a 35 year old who lives with his parents, and presumably doesn't pay a huge amount of rent, doesn't have bills etc has a zero bank balance.

Sounds like your parents are totally enabling his alcohol problem and laziness. Don't do the same.

He's 35 and a rude user.

So no. I wouldn't do a damn thing and the bottom line is, if he were starving he would be asking you to please give him some basics to tide him over. He is not. He is therefore very much not starving so there is absolutely NO obligation on you. And if that were the response I got when I was good enough to help, having been sponged off before, then to be honest even if he were starving I might tell him to fuck off and find a food bank!

Your mum is WELL out of order here. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she is never to offer up YOUR money to your brother again - that's your call to make.

Do nothing and leave him to it. And yes, of course he's bloody drinking!

You are doing the right thing by not giving him money, in this situation I would do an online food shop and have it delivered. Problem solved x

Surely most houses with three adults living in them have a bag of pasta, rice, tin of beans etc.
This ^^. Have your parents seriously gone off and left the cupboards devoid of food? Of course not. Ignore him.

Sadly your parents are enabling him to a massive degree. Completely reasonable to offer food if he's hungry, don't give him any cash.

Wonder why he's lost his job? Drunk maybe? or didn't show up due to being hung over?

Surely most houses with three adults living in them have a bag of pasta, rice, tin of beans etc

^^
I agree with this too! You can safely ignore him completely imo. Or just give him a few basics like milk, eggs, bread and leave him to it.

Don't go shopping with him or ask him foe a list. He'll just want expensive convenience food and you don't have any responsibility to provide this.

Also seems v odd he ran out of money straight away.

I'd do nothing. Of course there's food in the house. There will be stuff in the cupboards, and in the freezer.
Your DM is out of order, but I expect she's fed up with him too.

You don't need to buy him anything, but if you were going to, I think it's a bit rude to say that you will only give him food that you eat. I suppose you think people who use food banks shouldn't have any particular tastes either?

Buy some ready meals, bread, ham etc and dump it in the house. Job done

She didn't say he had to eat what she eats, her brother said "no because you will give me healthy stuff"

I suppose if you wanted to be sure the money was spent on food and it alcohol you could do a little shop for him and drop it off for him

How long has he been unemployed?
I may be being harsh but at the end of the day he's a 35 year old man who is relying on his mother and sister to feed him

Speaking as the mum of an alcoholic adult son: ignore his demands.

If you want to do something for him, either take him to the supermarket to get some food he wants or get it delivered. So that it won't be your choice but his. But really, I think you know it isn't food he wants, it's the money for alcohol.

Just buy some basics of what he eats and drop them off at the house. That way your parents won't worry while on holiday and your db will be fed if indeed he has run out of food.

Are you the op who had lots of worries about how to get your brother on a train or a bus to get to the funeral?

If so then it's time to back off, it is time to put yourself and your emotional needs first because nothing is ever going to change until he decides or is forced into change.

Yes this might cause problems between you and your parents but you are not condemning him or even cutting him off if you don't want all you are doing is putting up boundaries in the relationship.

My sister was/is an addict. I eventually had no choice but to do what I'm advising you to do. I love her and I still sometimes see her but she knows after lots of unbending boundaries that I will not be a person in her life she can turn up on or tap for money or call because she has run out of food/electric wants drug money etc
I see her less because she actually isn't that interested in a relationship where I am not a "help/money tap" but that's ok because the emotional crisis rollercoaster has stopped (mostly) but I hope one day that will change and I can have a more regular relationship with her that works for us both.

Sorry you must be a different poster but the advice is the same.

Also find out about the food banks in his local area?

He can find out about food banks himself. He’s a grown man.

He may not be allowed access to a foodbank