to go away without DD

[TheRealShatParp]

Hello,

My partner and I are planning on getting married next autumn and we have decided to elope for various reasons. We have settled on New York and are looking to go for about 5-6 days.

Our DD will be almost 3 years old and will be staying with her grand parents while we are away. That’s the plan, anyway, but I can’t help but feel guilty.

Are we being unreasonable to leave our DD with her grandparents while we elope? I totally get that it’s personal choice and preference, but I’m interested to hear other people’s views and reasons for and against. I’ve been wondering if 3 is too young.

Which bit are you feeling guilty about? Sounds great to me.

Sounds fine to me, I’d feel a bit guilty but I know mine would have a great time with grandparents!

If you know your dd will be happy and if the gp’s are happy to have her it’s nothing to worry about. I went to NYC with dh when dc’s were 5 and 2 and I spent the whole time worrying about them and missing them too much to fully relax. The were hideously underwhelmed to see me when I returned 😂

I think as long as the wedding isn’t a big deal, just the two of you, It’s fine. She’s a bit young to feel like she’s missed out on the wedding part and will no doubt have a lovely time with the GPs.

If she were older and would feel sad to miss out on watching you get married I’d say it was unreasonable but at 3 she won’t know what she’s missing, as long as you don’t both make a big deal of being married before or after. Enjoy!

Yanbu at all, personally I don't think I'll ever be able to leave ds while I go abroad but that's my anxiety. We've left him for UK breaks but I couldn't cope with being on a plane for that length of time and not being contactable/being so far away.

That's just me though!!!

It depends on what you would feel guilty about.

For me, I would take my kids even if I had eloped as I would want them to see their parents get married as I think it's quite a big deal for all of the family (mum, dad, kids). I would feel very guilty about them missing out or I know I would regret it later on that they weren't there celebrating with us.

I would feel slightly guilty about leaving them on holiday with grandparents but it's not so long and if they are close to them, I'm sure they'd have fun. However, another reason why I'd take them is because family holidays get really expensive when they get to school age.

Personally I wouldn't but that's just because I'd miss my kids too much, I hate having to leave them anywhere and avoid it if possible! I also think it would be nice for them to be included in the wedding, not that they'd remember at 3 but I just feel like it's something special.

I know I'm weird and most people would love a child free break, it's totally my own hangups!

I left ds at age 3 for a long weekend with gps, not even sure he noticed we were gone!

Thank you all for your comments.
I haven’t been away without DD yet so I guess it just feels a bit odd.

Why don’t you try a couple of nights away nearby first? Or even just stay at home while dd stays at gp’s for a couple of nights? 5-6 nights is a long time to be away if you’ve never done it before. It would be rubbish if you spent your long awaited elopement worrying about your dd.

Sounds great to me. As long as your daughter is happy staying with grandparents for that length of time then go for it.

I left my nearly 2yr old DD with her grandparents when I went on my 3 day honeymoon, and spent the whole time missing her and lamenting that we should have brought her along. She however was as happy as Larry and never asked for us once according to my DM,and she hardly looked up from her bowl of nanny's pasta on our return....she gets her hard heartedness (and greed) from her dad

I'd go on holiday if i was happy for GP to look after DD. But I find it a bit sad for her to miss the wedding. Unless doing a party at home after. My 3yo bloody loves a wedding party!

Some children wouldn't be happy and would be asking for their parents especially if that;s the first time they've been left.