Am I being a bad mum

[Samantha32]

Hi, I'm new to here but basically, I split up with my little girls dad about a year and half ago I've recently started dating someone new, I try and make sure that when I go out on dates with when my little girl is with her dad and she's not with me but sometimes due to her dad being unreliable at times and one minute having her one weekend and then deciding not too or other plans I'll ask my mum and dad to look after my little girl whilst I go on a date for a couple of hours on a Friday or Saturday night (cinema/dinner etc) and I'm always home that night to come back to her. My ex has got wind that this sometimes happened and has starting saying this is a 'Slaggy move' and that I'm a bad mum! To begin with I didn't think I was a bad mum Cos I make sure she's looked after it's only a couple of hours one evening a week I go out on a date and it's not like it's with different people every week but he keeps saying it and it's getting in my head.

So isit unreasonable of me to occasionally leave her with my mum and dad whilst I go out on a date and does it make me a bad mum? Xxx

I think you'll find not pitching up to have his daughter at the agreed date / time hardly makes him father of the year.

You are not a bad mum at all. He staying celibate is he? He staying in every night is he?

No, your ex is being jealous and abusive and utterly sexist, and you were right to split up with him.
I know someone else whose ex behaves exactly like this.

Enjoy your new found dating life!

No you're not a bad mum. But well done for ditching the bad partner he sings like a douche

Sounds like.... doh

Er first of all, no, getting your parents to babysit while you go on a date isn't you being a bad Mum at all.

Secondly, he's unreliable and would rather throw misogynistic shitty comments at his ex than actually give a shit about his DD so he's hardly got the right to call anyone a shit parent when he's doing less than the bare minimum.

The word slag is used by men to keep women in their place. It's a disgusting word, attacking women for daring to have sex with someone that isn't them! What a dick.

Of course it's okay and you aren't a bad Mum at all. It'll be nice for her to spend time with her grandparents - I grew up very close to mine and now I've lost them I've realised just how special our bond was.

He's hardly a great father letting his little girl down last minute.

*I think you'll find not pitching up to have his daughter at the agreed date / time hardly makes him father of the year.g

This.

I hope you made it clear that if he stuck to the agreed arrangements then the babysitting would be unnecessary...

You sound like a very responsible mum, with a typical ex who wants to put you down and belittle you. Ignore him.

I am guessing part of him letting her down is part of keeping you single ( in his head)

Do not discuss it with him . It is none of his business. Simply ignore these comments . He will get bored quicker not getting a response.

You are not a bad mum to add.

Your doing nothing wrong. Your daughter is cared for and why should you not be able to meet someone new. I bet his dated in that time. His probably jealous that there is the potential another man will become a part of his daughters life. That's not your concern. Tell him you always make sure she is cared for even when he let's her down. Your not always going to cancel your plans just because he decides he cannot have his daughter so you arrange for a suitable alternative if he does not like the person watching his child maybe he should have shown up. Your allowed to be happy.

Obviously, he is your EX for a reason, and how kind of him to remind you of it.

You are a great mum!

Thank you everyone, it means a lot to just get some reassurance !! I just want to be able to move on in peace but at the moment I'm not allowed xxx

“Slaggy move” 🤣

He does not get to comment on your sex life. It’s fine and nothing to do with him.

Your ex is a dickhead who doesn't like the idea of you dating. You're not having wild parties while your daughter sits in her bedroom. You're leaving her with her loving grandparents while you go out for a meal - just like most married couples do if they get the chance.

No, your ex is just a dickhead. Presumably that's why you're not with him anymore. Just ignore him. What a silly twat he is lol

I am guessing part of him letting her down is part of keeping you single ( in his head)

So much this.

Where is he when he's neglecting your child? Praying and whipping himself I suppose?

Congrats on your ex being your ex!!! He’s the bad parent, not you.

You're doing fine. Plenty of people leave their kids with a babysitter for a few hours, whether for a date, a hobby, work or whatever. This doesnt make them a bad parent at all.

Not showing up when you're supposed to and letting your child down makes a bad parent, and that's exactly what he is doing.

I just don't know what to do when I spoke to him last night he admitted that to him I should just stay single for the rest of my life if I'm not going to be with him!
I just feel like I'm always fighting a losing battle, I've got to deal with the drama he's throwing at me including calling me names as bad as calling me a c**t and calling my family names and threats etc and then this is going to end up pushing the person I date away Cos who wants to date someone with that much hassle of baggage

I just feel like how much more do I have to take of this endless drama?

Your ex sounds like a dick. Ignore him.
If he makes threats then report them to the police. Do you have a formal contact agreement? Don't let his nastiness derail you, you're doing well

You’re a mum not a nun!
I had this with my ex when DC1 was a baby.
You’re allowed to live and find love again.
Do what I did! Stop talking to your ex. Seriously, do not text him
AT ALL unless it’s regarding the admin around your DC. I know that sounds cold but he’s not a partner or a mate. He’s in the past. His ONLY role is to be a parent and it’s not your responsibility to make that work out. That’s all on him.

If you feel threatened, apply to the courts for a temporary restraining order. That’ll give him food for thought. He’s a bully and a failure.

The he is not your friend bit pp said is important.
Remove him from your social media. Tell him you are happy to discuss your dc with him but your life is your business. Do not engage with any further conversations on it . If he asks what you are doing when he has child , change subject . Dd will have a lovely time with you..

I also bet he doesn’t think he should stay single either.

Is he also planning on staying single for the rest of his life?