Aibu to expect DS dad....

[user1468348545]

Long old backstory to this so shall give a brief version...

Long story short my DS 10 dad and I split when he was 1 due to him being absolutely useless and I had enough of being a married parent watching someone else do absolutely nothing.

He moved away, and made threats to take DS and not return him so contact order put in place that set visits with supervision. Fast forward a couple of years we progress to school holiday visits. Up until last year this was ok-ish but he was always useless at dates times etc but I always cancelled/rearranged whatever to suit him. He had little if no contact with Ds inbetween visits, including more often than not forgetting his bday and xmas etc..

Last year he went a bit AWOL, I had SS contact me to ensure he wasnt having unsupervised access for my sons safety. Thankfully I had already stopped the unsupervised as gut instinct after his previous visit.

Fast forward to now and I've tried to facilitate contact where possible. Have said hes free to come here whenever hed like, even suggested he can see DS when he's at my families nearer his dad but hes refused every time. He has seen him for 1 hour total in a year.

Hes now expecting to come down with his partner (new) and her children and then take my DS for a couple of days on 'holiday' locally to me.
I've said no problem with him seeing him for a while I'd like him to come down for a visit prior to this holiday to spend time alone just him and DS to reassure DS and me. He thinks I'm being insane and should allow him to just go back to visitation as it was.

My DS has been hugely affected by his DD over the years and when he disappeared completely for over 2 months last year he ended up having anxiety attacks which myself and the school have got ongoing support in place.

So please tell me AIBU to insist he comes for a visit prior to this on his own before I even consider allowing him to start progressing his contact up again?

Sorry for it being so long but after years of inconsistency from his dad I am trying to do what's best for my DS now for his physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.

If SS don’t want him to have unsupervised contact, how can you agree to the holiday? Prior visit or not.

Nope... it WOULD be insane to consider this

He has apparently been cleared of any concerns which I've said he needs to get them to contact me prior to any of this. Sorry totally forgot to put that in the OP.

So any of this would be considered only if he gets SS to contact me anyway! Otherwise of course I wont even consider unsupervised contact. He wasn't a threat to the children, but to himself so the kids could come to harm by being unsupervised etc is what they told me.

It might be useful to meet his partner to see if there will be at least one functional adult on the holiday

Yup have said that but huge backstory to that too. So far the signs aren't great that she is.. can't give any details on that as it would be completely outing.

He's giving me so much verbal abuse calling me unreasonable etc and I'm struggling to see how I am so thought I'd see what others would say.

If he’s verbally abusing you, record it and call the police. You owe him nothing.

Strikes me that all the messing about with contact arrangements, cancelling, rescheduling etc, was probably as much about controlling you and screwing with you as his own flakiness.

He's calling you insane and unreasonable to manipulate you. Not because it's even remotely true!

You'd be unreasonable to consider letting him waltz in and further damage your child's sense of security and being lovable.