This is a longee (sorry) so I try and make it as short as possible but not drip feed.
As a child I was mentally abused by my DM and DF and became a pretty obnoxious teen, lying and stealing. (Hung for sheep as a lamb mentality) I married at 17, pregnant by 18, mother by 19, separated by 20 and divorced by 21 (on the grounds of his violence towards me) I had to go back to parents, still with undealt-with issues with them, a violent ex (causing even more issues) and a very young child. I was not the best mother or daughter! (Understatement) My parents were pretty vocal to my DB’s about my behaviour and they (DB’s) obviously witnessed some of it, all without really ever talking to me about what was going on or had gone on in my life. Anyway fast forward about 20+ nearly 30 years (showing my age) and much therapy later my relationship with my parents was/is restored, with much work I have to say, by all three of us. I came to be really close to my DM and was genuinely devastated when she passed away 7 years ago. I became especially understanding of her behaviour towards me when I was younger, when, I was diagnosed with the same illness that she died from shortly after her death and realised how difficult it was to cope with my then young DS’s (2nd marriage) and feeling so ill. Another divorce from another obnoxious husband of 15 years (that’s a whole different post) but I basically ended up having an affair with the man I am now married too (6 years this year) who has been my rock, my life, my carer, my everything. He met my DM once before her death and she liked him. My DF has been a bit harder to convince due to some BS from my 2nd Ex H and DD (from 1st marriage) but recently again after some serious sitting down and really opening up to my DD (he’s 87 love him) we’re closer than ever and it’s a huge joy to me to finally have a fantastic relationship with my DF. Hand on heart it’s all I’ve ever really wanted and a lot of my behaviour was because I didn’t have it (something both my DM and DF admitted I didn’t get from them). We’ve been on holiday together, he really adores my DH and, we speak almost every day and he is really happy we’re in this position now. I really feel blessed that we’re now really close.
But the real big fly in the ointment is my DB’s. They hate me! I mean really hate me because of who I was in my 20’s! It’s really upsetting me and it’s devastating my Dad. I want to stop them hurting him by burying the hatchett and trying one more time to become a family. Every time my DF tries to talk to them about me they just go on about how horrible I am! They haven’t actually spoken to me in over 16+years (including my DM’s funeral) and know nothing about the very real sh!t I’ve gone through and why I behaved like I did. Even my DM when she was alive said “I never knew half of what you’ve been through - no wonder you did that!” My DF says “you’re an incredible woman, you’ve coped with so much, I’m so proud of the way you just pick your self up” and things like that.
One of my DB’s is a man of the cloth and preaches forgiveness and says he’s pro generosity, compassion, and inclusion even putting that on his fb page (I saw by chance -I’ve been blocked) But he and my other DB have interred my DM’s ashes and not told me, have organised family get togethers and deliberately not told/invited me (amongst other things) the final straw came when my DF had a fall at home, they rang each other but not me DF had to wait till he came out of hospital to ring me and tell me. It’s really upsetting my DF and as I said I want to try one last time to heal this rift for DD he’s 87 as I said and I don’t know how much longer he’ll have (or I for that matter my illness is progressing through its usual course and I’m steadily deteriorating)
I want to send DF an email for him to forward (I don’t have addresses or numbers or emails for them) my DH says IABU as it’s their problem, I’ve got enough going on, but even if I’m not BU I don’t know what to say to them?
So if you are still here....sorry I did warn you....AIBU should I just leave it alone or should I contact and if I do what should I say?