To not be ExH's agony aunt?

[purplelass]

He's always been a moaner and likes the world to revolve around him (narcissist? probably...) but having kicked him out 3 1/2 years ago I'm sick of him complaining to me about our teenage DD.
She still has a lot of anger for what he did which split up our family so doesn't make it easy for him when she sees him every other weekend but AIBU to consider this his problem for him to resolve, not mine?
I have a great relationship with DD and we always talk about her feelings and her relationship with her dad and I'd love them to get on better but whenever he complains to me about her not wanting to spend time with him (coz he spends most of it whining) AIBU to ignore him?

Block him

Block him
OMG I'd love to! Once DD is 18 I'll be doing just that but I still have to be in contact with him for now...

I guess that means I'm NBU tho if that's what your first thought is I'll just carry on deleting the moaning posts and keeping the useful ones!

He is not your responsibility. Ask him to keep communication to purely child related. Ignore anything else.

How old is DD? I've had nothing to do with ex since DD was about 12, it's done all of us the world of good. If she wants to see him, she organises it and just lets me know that she is seeing him on x weekend. If she doesn't want to see him, he has to understand it's only his own parenting (lack of) that's done it.

Shes 15 and she only sees him out of duty. I've told her she doesn't have to but shes soldiering on for now... I only get involved when she asks for my support but as soon as shes ready for me to not do that I'll me more than ready!

Oh in that case you REALLY don't have to deal with them. At the end of the day, they need to find their own relationship independent of you. If your DD wants to see him, she's old enough to text and say so, or old enough to say she would prefer to do xx this weekend instead. Put your phone down and don't respond to any of his whining, or tell him once and for all that you only want to know if it's something health related, and apart from that ignore all texts. Let DD know that she's old enough to choose her visit frequency, and that she can ring you to pick her up anytime, but apart from that let her get on with it. If she's angry with him- she needs to tell him, not you.

Oh, and as for keeping the useful texts, I honestly can't think of any that you would need to be involved in other than I'm planning to buy xx for Christmas so you don't double up. Just about everything else, a 15 year old should be capable of getting him involved in if she wants.

Thanks, you're right. It's time to cut another apron string I guess. It's just hard when she tries herself in knots not wanting to see him but feeling guilty about not seeing him. We'll get there...

Dp now arranges seeing his dds directly with them and they are 10 & 12. (Although he still confirms with their mum afterwards). I don't think you need to be in regular contact with him if she's 15 as long as you are confident he'd raise anything major with him.

With you, not with him

Your DD sounds like me as a teenager.
My DM stopped communicating with my DF and told him to only contact her when it was actually necessary. DF would whinge to her about me not wanting to see him and finding everyone to blame but himself.

Spot on QueenoftheBiscuitTin

Can I ask did you ever manage to get a good relationship with your DF after this?

Ugh, he just came in when he dropped DD off but it gave me the chance to say to his face that I'm not getting involved any more. It's up to them to sort themselves out.

And I'm only feeling a teeny bit bad about it