First baby visitors

[needanewmug]

Afternoon! Just posting here to get some general advice as I don't have a great relationship with in laws and so sometimes I think my view is skewed!

I'm due my first baby this week so basically any time now 😄😄
I'm terrified but excited!

Dh and I live in a different country (about two-three hours drive) from our families. We have discussed visitors and have agreed we will play it by ear in terms of when we will invite people as I don't know how I will be and it's not as if they can pop in for half an hour and then go!

So probably what we will do is we will have my parents and his parents a couple of days after our baby is born (our siblings are all aged 5-20 and live at home so will come with parents). Then when baby is a week or so (maybe more) we will go back 'home' for a couple of days so she can meet all the rest of our families! All good :-)

Sil has now messaged dh and has mentioned she will be bringing her new boyfriend to meet baby and how he can't wait. I'm a little uneasy with that tbh as I'm worried about breast feeding and what state my nether regions will be in post birth! We have never met him before and tbh I'm a very private person so am already feeling anxious about seeing ILs post birth (I have a very low contact relationship with them as does dh and they can be overbearing as they have no sense of boundaries). I'm trying to improve the relationship with ILs and put the past behind us so I know I have to suck up my own feelings a little in regards to when they come but I just don't know how I feel about an unknown teenage boy sat on my sofa while I'm trying to get to grips with being a mum.

Am I bu? I'm aware I could be completely overreacting so please don't be too harsh 🙈

Too many visitors is really intrusive, even family members. The only ones acceptable are those who are very quiet, sensitive and help around the house. Put your foot down.

Are you really considering travelling back to your home country with a week old baby? I can't even imagine doing that for a long time.

Op, we were like you and lived at least a 2.5 hour drive from our families when the dc were born. It was far easier for us to come back and stay with family for a few days when they were born rather than having everyone descend on us. As you say, they can’t drive all that way just for half an hour and then drive 3 hours home again. So we found that if we drove the distance for a weekend, stayed with my parents and then had everyone visit there it worked far better and we didn’t have to host for days on end. I think all 3 dc were about 10 days when we travelled with them for the first time and it was ok. Dc3 journey took 6 hours to do a 2.5 drive due to heavy traffic and that was horrendous, but a complete one off that could never have been planned for. The fact we did it the same way three times showed it worked for us I guess.

I also didn’t bleed continuously for days and weeks and although it’s wise to be aware it can happen I don’t think it is the norm to still be heavily bleeding after the first week or so.

1. No one will be inspecting your nether regions
2. It's up to you whether you are comfortable feeding the baby with other people in the room or not. You set the rules for that and make sure DH knows them and that he is responsible for enforcing them throughout.
3. The initial visits are for family ONLY. To be honest, I'd be saying grandparents only, siblings can wait.
4. Everyone else can wait to meet the baby until you are all feeling well enough to travel. This definitely includes random teenage boys you don't know.

That sounds like a great message from your dh to his sister. So pleased he is sticking up for you. Let's hope she doesn't cause a fuss.

TBH I cannot believe that a teenage boy "cannot wait" to meet the baby of someone he's never met . I am sure he will cope!

Yes I'm skeptical that any teenage boy (he's 18) is remotely interested in meeting a baby of people he hasn't even met 🤦🏻‍♀️ that's just the way they are though very ott about everything! I've had to hide sil on fb as the amount of posts about being an auntie and how in love she was with our baby was making my eyes permanently roll 😂