AIBU to ask you to teach your children basic household skills?

[AvocadosBeforeMortgages]

I have a new lodger. He is 30. He has just left home for the first time. Well meaning, but it turns out he's utterly incompetent at life.

In the last 24 hours he's managed to unintentionally lock me out, try to fry his dinner without igniting the gas hob, and has just asked me for a lesson in how to do his laundry as his mother never taught him.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, teach your children to do these things so that they actually turn into functional adults!

Isn't it HIS parents that are the issue?

It's rather tedious on MN being told constantly to parent my children, to not pour scalding tea on myself, to check my pension forecast, to change my smoke alarm batteries, or whatever it is this week.

Most people are competent, and the incompetent need more than drippy MN 'reminders'.

For the love of god!! Sounds like my ex husband.
With that in mind I am making sure my DC are as self sufficient as is age appropriate, My 8 yo DS already knows how to put a wash on and the other week asked to be taught how to use the tumble drier.
It's not what we do for our children but what we teach them to do for themselves.

his mother never taught him tells you all you need to know about the house he grew up in.

Tbf I am a teacher I would be happy if kids were able to use a knife and fork when they start school but it's quite often not the case x

his mother never taught him

Why is it always the mothers who are blamed? He's a 30 yo man, he's had 12 years of adulthood in order to work out how to be a grown up.

You can teach them but I was recently embarrassed to find out that when my teenage son stays at his girlfriends house (in the guest bedroom - they’re 15), be never makes the bed! Wherever we have stayed in someone’s home I’ve always asked if they want the bed stripped, and if not always made the bed and have had my kids do the same. But maybe I need to be there to remind him! He can cook and iron however.

@intheheat

Totally agree with you.

Of course it's his parents who are the issue - but it's more a case of asking people not to do their offspring's laundry until they're 30 (which is what he tells me his mother did)

Even if they don't do it every time, at least make sure they know how...

How an earth has he reached 30 without knowing how to turn on a gas hob?

Even if they don't do it every time, at least make sure they know how...

My 5, 6 and 12 yos know how to.

And there really is absolutely no excuse for him not to have used his own initiative in the time it took to reach 30. I mean ffs DP had 5 bairns, had been to war twice and had his own business by that age!

He's now a SAHD, doing the majority of housework, washing and childcare while I'm at work (we swapped).

His possibly inadequate upbringing aside, he's 30, could he not have done his own research/taught himself quite a lot of things in the time he's had between being a child and now?

I bet there's things he's been keener to do that he's took the initiative to learn/find out about rather than seeing it as a woman's responsibility to teach him...

Maybe his FATHER should have taught him.

It's always the mother who's at fault isn't it? Because of course the mother is the default parent, cook and bottle washer

He's 30 and he's just left home for the first time. What on earth did you expect?

Hmmm not sure he's representative.

He could just google things, assume he's got a phone like the rest of us

Sometimes people are on the spectrum but undiagnosed. I would try to be sympathetic. You don't know for sure if his mother did teach him but maybe he needs a little more help. It's very easy to tell people to teach their children but unless you're in their shoes, you shouldn't judge.

@PatoPotato I have no sympathy still. My DS is 5, has GDD, dyspraxia and suspected autism. He cant get himself dressed, use a knife and fork properly, and needs to be supervised on the stairs. Yet, he can put a wash load and dryer load on, get himself a drink and knows how to make toast. If the bloke can live on his own safely, he should bloody know how to do those basic things to actually live on his own.

Your lodger is hoping you will take pity on his poor befuddled yet lovable puppy dog self and do everything domestic for him.

Any self respecting adult, or indeed teenager, these days looks up a wiki or YouTube instructional video for any life skill they have omitted to learn as and when required.

He's playing you.

I wasn't formally taught to do many of these things and I still managed to turn into a fully functioning adult. Because when you have to do something, you learn. I don't need to be told to remember my house-key, because I see my parents get one out to open the door every day, and there is the odd time they forget and have to wait for the other parent to get home!

All washing machines are a bit different, I ask my mother how to use hers although I can use mine just fine.

Perhaps he grew up with an electric hob and genuinely doesn't know how a gas hob works.

And the locking you out - well why is that his parents' fault?

Any self respecting adult, or indeed teenager, these days looks up a wiki or YouTube instructional video for any life skill they have omitted to learn as and when required

This.

My kids can do washing - 11 to boy and 13 year old girl can, 8 year old hasn't really yet, though he can certainly make toast and does his share of dishwasher unpacking and bins...

I look after adults in a supported living situation and everyone able to leave the house by themselves without it being inevitable they get run over does their own laundry, even the people who can't read or write or count their change after buying a bar of chocolate in the corner shop.

He's being disingenuous.

I can do everything household related pretty competently.

My mother (single parent) did all my laundry until I left home for University. She cooked most of our meals too. I was only expected to wash up every other night and do a bit of housework at the weekends.

I just knew that I had to sort all that stuff out for myself after I left home. 30 year old men who haven't had that epiphany are very silly indeed - it is not their parents' fault.

Surely you just tell him the WM instruction book is???

@anothernotherone I've met adults who can't do these things but I've managed to avoid living with them.

Before YouTube you showed them how to do it and let them get on with it ensuring you ignore them if they messed up.

Now with YouTube you direct them to it and say everything is on there. Again you let them get on with it. If they are stuck they just find another video to watch.

When I left home at 18 I was not good at domestic stuff. By the time I was 30 I was competant and had a child plus full time employment. At his age its his fault not his parents.