My DM thinks harassment is a compliment

[cosmonautkitten]

I'm on a girls type holiday with my mother somewhere hot just the two of us (I left my BF and she left my stepfather back in the UK) and we've just had a major disagreement.

We went on a tour of a local sight and our tour guide (although organised by our hotel rep) spent most of the time trying to get my number and invite me out to a bar later. I was quite irritated by this and mentioned my DP several times - not that this should matter! DM could tell I was pissed off but spent her time sneakily taking pictures of him trying to chat me up and clearly thought it was hilarious.

Another man on the beach also followed us around for the better part of a day asking her about me and she refused to tell him if I had a BF/DP or not, telling him he should 'ask her yourself'.

She encouraged another man today and I finally felt fucked off enough to ask her why on earth she was encouraging these gross men and ruining the holiday. She told me I should be flattered by any attention I get and that I was ruining it for her by not wanting to take her to these local events these men were inviting me to as it would be an 'authentic experience'.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable for declining these people - and I would absolutely not have wanted to do anything out of safety concerns even if I were single! I know if we went to this event tonight I'd get 'what goes on in (destination) stays in (destination) baby, your BF doesn't need to know' at best and scary harassment at worst. How can I get through our last two days?

Yikes! She's probably dying to tell your bf what a flirt you are to stir it. Stick to your guns and grit your teeth. .and be too busy to go on holiday with her in the future! Also I'd tell bf all about it before she gives her version.

Ha she can barely remember his name half the time (which I'm sure must be put it on at this point ) so no danger of her passing anything on.

Still sat at the hotel bar with her begging me to text the man from the beach... 

WTF does your mum think she is doing! Can you threaten to go home? Would your dad see how wrong it is and talk to her if you rang him?

*stepfather

I think she is trying to live vicariously through you, and is maybe regretting living too safe a life.

Does your mum not like your partner?

Pass the number to your DM, tell her she can go on a date if she's so keen.

Next time you get harassed tell them you're not interested but your "friend" is..

Still sat at the hotel bar with her begging me to text the man from the beach... 

Seriously, she wants you to text some random man from the beach? She does know what he wants from you- right?

I wouldn't go away with her again and I wouldn't think much of her.

I think she is trying to live vicariously through you, and is maybe regretting living too safe a life.

I doubt this woman lived a too safe life.

Perhaps not. But it is common as people get older to regret the chances they did not take. No way OP should you take up the offers of these creepy men. But I think The film Peggy Sue Got Married captures this sense of regret of chances not taken, really well.

So either your mum slept around loads and wishes she still could, and wants to live it vicariously through you.
or she played it very safe and wishes she hadn't, and now wants to live a more risky life vicariously through you.

Try and ignore her though OP. But understand this is about her and really nothing to do with you.

I think she is trying to live vicariously through you, and is maybe regretting living too safe a life

That's what it sounds like, but she sounds like a very unsafe person to be around, OP.

For context, I'm 24, she's 57. She's told me tonight that she wishes she got this kind of attention both now and in the past, but nothing I can do about that?

I've told her I don't think it's flattering and I feel my stomach drop every time a random man approaches me with a chat up line but she doesn't seem to quite appreciate that at best they're aiming for a ONS, at worst something far more dangerous - in the UK men have been truly awful when I've disengaged in the past so it does scare me sometimes.

I'm assuming there's no way she'd actually appreciate me going off with anyone?! Only my DF and stepmum have met DP but she's fully aware of him... not sure what to think there 

Your mum is being creepy. Keep telling her to shut up and that she's being creepy, each time she suggests or hints. She hasn't got your back, is suggesting you behave in an unsafe way and really I wouldn't go on holiday with her again.
Great that you have only two days left. Next time take a friend you can rely on.

Can you stick to hotel and tours ? And keep closing down her "suggestions"

I find her behaviour quite weird. She is trying to push you into unsafe situations. You having a partner is beside the point. It sounds almost as if she was expecting a lads-type holiday where you would both go off with men. She is obviously unhappy at home but it is still very odd.

If I went on a girls holiday with a friend who behaved how your dm wants you to behave, I would be upset and would worry about their safety, let alone my own child.

Your dm is only 5 years older than me.

“DM I’m concerned about your mental health. Why else would you encourage me to put myself in a dangerous situation?”

Agree with the living vicariously through you but maybe she isn’t keen on your partner and sees this as a way of breaking you up.