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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that the school didn't tell me about my SEN child being left unattended

39 replies

myheartskipsskipsabeat · 08/06/2019 22:59

My son has SEN and full time support in school, he's in year 3.

He has a TA assigned to him who we know very well socially for over 20 years. We have kept this relationship quiet from the school.

A new headteacher has recently joined and seems to wants to change all the staffing structure and has made a lot of changes and some staff have been forced out.

The TA left my son unattended in a room for a minute while she went to get something from another room. My son was fine and was quietly doing an activity. The TA was caught by the headteacher who is now dealing with the whole incident as a disciplinary matter. The TA is no longer working with my son.

I know of this incident as the TA told me in confidence.

AIBU to be annoyed that the school haven't mentioned this incident to me at all and it has been 3 weeks now? Does the school have an obligation to report this incident to me?

For the record I don't believe that the TA has done anything wrong and agree with her that they seem to be using this as a way to force her out but feel uneasy that they haven't reported anything to me.

OP posts:

janetforpresident · 08/06/2019 23:04

I don't know the rules but I would be inclined to ask for a meeting and ask why your sons TA has been changed.

Original poster

myheartskipsskipsabeat · 08/06/2019 23:09

@janetforpresident

the TA is on sick leave at the moment and the school said that is the reason why the TA has changed.

OP posts:

cheesemumma · 08/06/2019 23:09

Is your son unsafe?? Why would leaving him for a minute be a disciplinary?? Sounds strange.

Lougle · 08/06/2019 23:11

What is there to tell you? Your DS was left for a minute, no harm came to him, no issues arose.

Fairenuff · 08/06/2019 23:13

Literally one minute, or was it longer? Seems particularly bad luck that the head would happen to be in the same area just within that 60 second timeframe. Maybe your friend has not told you the whole story for whatever reason.

Original poster

myheartskipsskipsabeat · 08/06/2019 23:30

Lougle, I agree there's no harm done but the school obviously consider there to be an issue hence the disciplinary.

Does the school have no obligation to inform me that the TA has not been caring for my child in a way they deem fit (in their opinion) ?

OP posts:

CanILeavenowplease · 09/06/2019 00:14

It’s not for the school to discuss a disciplinary issue with you. As long as your son has TA support for his designated hours, the rest is up to the school. The school employs the TA, not you.

AtSea1979 · 09/06/2019 00:18

It sounds fishy to me. I think the TA isn’t being truthful, also odd she’s been off sick for so long too.

Theyellowsquare · 09/06/2019 00:18

Actually, if the school considers a TA's supervision of their charge so poor it deserves disciplinary action, surely it's bad enough that the parents of the child should be informed?

CanILeavenowplease · 09/06/2019 00:21

Informed about what? That’s very personal information. Why do the parents need to be informed? There’s a problem, the school is dealing with it.

freshstartnewme · 09/06/2019 00:26

Interesting that you think you should be informed of this when you have deliberately withheld information yourself.
M

Anarchyshake · 09/06/2019 00:35

If they were concerned enough to discipline the TA then they should have passed on to you the information that he was left unsupervised and they're sorry and they're investigating it (or however it's put).

Sounds like they're wanting the TA out. Is she off with stress as a result?

Most importantly, was/is your son OK, what are the implications of him being unsupervised for a short time?

HeddaGarbled · 09/06/2019 00:36

I think you’re being disingenuous.

You are, quite understandably, concerned about your friend, the TA, and feel that she is being treated unjustly.

Because you don’t know how to stop what is being done to her, you have latched onto something you think that maybe you could make a fuss about. You don’t give a toss about it, but are wondering if you could use it as leverage in some way.

I would take a different tack, if I were you, and write an email of fulsome praise for the TA to the head, copying in the governors, emphasising in detail how her professional support has enabled your child to progress and how sorry you are that she is currently unwell, but that you hope she will recover soon and be back doing the job she does so well.

Original poster

myheartskipsskipsabeat · 09/06/2019 07:30

yes the TA is off with stress as a result. She isn't hiding anything as I have seen all the correspondence she has received regarding the reasons for her disciplinary.

My son was absolutely fine whilst unsupervised.

thats exactly it, I don't know whether its just an issue for the School to deal with or whether I have a right to know all this.

heddagarbled yes I feel the TA has been treated badly and would like to try and so something about it

OP posts:

Original poster

myheartskipsskipsabeat · 09/06/2019 07:30

*do

OP posts:

Davidcameronspig · 09/06/2019 07:44

I'm glad the head is taking this seriously as all too often the opposite happens. The TA has been replaced so they have dealt with any immediate safeguarding issue.

Whether or not they should have told you depends upon whether your child's safety would have been compromised. My son has it written into his plan that he must never be left alone so I would expect to be informed.

herculepoirot2 · 09/06/2019 07:59

YABU. If anything had happened to him, yes, they would have been obliged to inform you. Over something this minor, no.

marcopront · 09/06/2019 08:01

She isn't hiding anything

Except for the fact she knows you and that she has told you what is going on.

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 08:07

My son was absolutely fine whilst unsupervised.

irrelevant. There might have been other incidents, with other children, and the head is rightly taking a strong view and putting an end to them.
You don't know, your friend won't know because the head won't discuss other disciplinary with her, and the rest is just gossip.

It might have been used as an excuse, but there's usually some ground to it.

Waffles80 · 09/06/2019 08:07

Evidently you have not been told the full reasons - you’ve only got the TA’s side. No way would leaving a child for a minute be a disciplinary issue. She’s not being honest with you; the school won’t tell you why she’s no longer his TA as disciplinary issues are confidential.

kmammamalto · 09/06/2019 08:10

It's a school issue IMO. The school has rules in place and she did not follow these. It's is being treated as this as it's a reflection on her performance and not really anything to do with your son. There might be lots of things like this happening in a school at any one time and you wouldn't know.. you only know this as you're friends. Which the TA absolutely should have disclosed to school and it's very unprofessional of her not to.

LolaSmiles · 09/06/2019 08:10

It sounds like a school looking for a way to remove staff or conveniently push them to resign.

WRT posters talking about withholding information, the OP has done nothing wrong in not informing school of the out of school relationship. The TA probably should have though to cover their own back and i would imagine the reason she has withheld it is because she knows that there's too many blurred boundaries foe a professional relationship. When I've volunteered places attended by our students I've always told work because it means if I'm seen out of hours with those students or in another context there's no room for misunderstanding. A child's 1-1 TA being a close family friend has potential conflict of interests written all over it (as proven by the fact she's spoken to you about something she probably shouldn't have).

CripsSandwiches · 09/06/2019 08:12

If your DS needs full time 1-1 support and has been used to a certain TA it would seem like the school should have told you if the TA had been changed regardless of the reason why.

Sirzy · 09/06/2019 08:12

She needs to be careful. Disciplinary action normally comes with a “do not discuss with anyone involved” rule. You are by nature of her being your sons 1-1 involved so she could make things a lot worse for herself.

This is why having someone known so well as the 1-1 doesn’t always work as the boundaries get blurred too easily.

TheNumberfaker · 09/06/2019 08:15

Why on earth would you keep your social relationship quiet? We have to declare everything at my school. Seems a bit of a red flag to me that the TA agreed to hide it.

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