Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


to want to throw a birthday party for my nephew?

16 replies

happybirthdaytoyou · 23/07/2007 16:16

My nephew will be 4 on Sunday. When asked if he was having a party, sil said "oh no, I can't be bothered with that. he'll be finishing nursery when he goes to school in september, if he was ever going to see the children again I might have thought about it, but I can't see the point in having a party for friends he's never going to see again". She then added that they will sing happy birthday to him at their friends' ds (who will be 10) party which is three days before.

I felt very for him, especially as he had such a lovely time at ds' party and has been to otherparties and said he wants one.

I do realize that some people don't do the whole party thing, but sil's idea of a party is a cocktail party for adults where the children are acknowledged. no other children, just the grown-ups who mean something to the children.

Ds keeps asking when dn's party is going to be and I've had to tell him he won't be having one.

OP posts:

2shoes · 23/07/2007 17:03

some parents just don't do parties for kids.
tbh I don't think it is a big deal.


wildwoman · 23/07/2007 17:07

We had a little girl at my dd2's 3rd birthday who has never had aparty (aged 4) because her mum has the whole cocktail party for adults thing instead. I think it's really sad, she had never played pass the parcel


chocolateteapot · 23/07/2007 17:28

What about inviting him round for tea near his birthday so he can have a birthday tea with your DS ? You can get him a little cake and sing happy birthday and do pass the parcel.

My DS is going to be 4 soon and would be said if he didn't have a party as he's been to a few recently and is looking forward to when he can have his own.


GhostofHedTwig · 23/07/2007 17:30

loads of people don't give parties until they start school

tbh the kid won't remember

I think you're being over-sentimental and stepping a little bit over the line

me, I like kids' parties more than grown-up ones .. but that's me


HonoriaGlossop · 23/07/2007 18:13

Twig has said exactly it.

It's not obligatory that kids have parties. You just have to trust your SIL as a parent, that if her ds was honestly breaking his heart to have a party, she would give him one. He's obviously not. He's three and he will not even remember this birthday and will certainly not care like maybe a ten year old would. His 'friends' at 3 aren't true friends in the way that mature friendships are, she's right - he will make more lasting friends at school and parties will mean more then.

It's a bit of a tyranny going on I think about kids parties now. It is quite possible that a child might HUGELY enjoy a party where all his loved adults were gathered and able to give him love, attention, and presents!


ChasingSquirrels · 23/07/2007 18:18

agree with Twig and HG, but if you think it would be ok with your SIL asking them round to yours for tea would be nice, you can make a cake and all sing happy birthday. But I would only do thins if I was pretty sure my SIL would be ok with it, I would not do it if I thought she would be at all offended.


nightowl · 23/07/2007 18:22

ds never had a party until he was at school, tbh i never even considered it.


Miaou · 23/07/2007 18:28

If you want to invite your nephew round for tea around his birthday, fine. But don't do a cake unless you have specifically cleared it with the mum first (or you will be treading on toes). I am in the "don't do parties" camp myself - I have done them for the dds between the ages of about 5 and 10 and will probably do so for ds and the db between the same ages - but younger and older than this, I really don't see the point.

My mother is giving me grief about what I am doing for ds's 2nd birthday in a week's time and whether I'm doing a cake, and it's doing my head in - am about to give birth fgs!! We aren't big on birthdays/celebrations in our (nuclear) family and I resent the intrusion and the implication that we are letting them down in some way.


happybirthdaytoyou · 23/07/2007 18:37

ah no no I would never just go ahead an organize a party but I just do feel a bit for him, but maybe it's also because sil has some strange ideas about other things too. She doesn't take him to parks because she doesn't like them, he's never had a friend round to play apart from my ds, none of her friends have similar aged children and she's not friends with any of the parents at nursery. She actually had intended to never let him attend other children's birthday parties either but invites were given out and she found it a bit more difficult to say no.

I just think he's missing out on so much, not just on birthday.

I've offered to have him over the holidays so he and my ds can play together, so I guess we'll see whether she takes me up on that.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 23/07/2007 18:38

exactly Miaou. It's the implied letting down of kids that gets my goat. There are other fantastic, magical things that can be done on young children's birthdays. Parties are just ONE WAY of celebrating!


HonoriaGlossop · 23/07/2007 18:43

I'd reserve your judgement happybirthday. On looking at my childhood; I never ONCE had a birthday party. My mum never ONCE arranged a playdate and she never made small talk with other mums or made friends with them because they were mums.

My childhood was idyllically happy.

I had magical, fantastic, imaginative days out on my birthdays. I made fantastic, close friends at school. When it mattered to me I arranged my own playdates! Once we got past toddler age I don't suppose my mum took us to parks, either; she let us get on with playing 'out'.

It was idyllic.

I wouldn't be so quick to judge other approaches when it comes to this sort of stuff really. What seems 'sad' to you is probably just a different approach.


nightowl · 23/07/2007 18:45

i dont think he's missing out on anything. ds never had a party until school, never had any friends around to play (well we didnt know any). when i went to see my friend he would play with her kids, we always had him a little birthday with a cake and the family. he's had plenty of parties since. i dont think they really understand them anyway at that age. same with dd, we just have a couple of friends come to say hello with their kids and a few fairy cakes.


wannaBe · 23/07/2007 18:45

I never had a birthday party when I was a child. I never even had a special birthday, I only ever remember having one birthday cake in fact.

consequently I believe in having children's parties, because although as a child it didn't matter that much because that was just the way it was, when I had my own child I realized that I was sad that I'd missed out and never knew what it was like to have a party for me.

Obviously everyone is different and some people don't do the party thing, but I do believe it's important to make birthdays special, because once we become adults they become insignifficant.


wildwoman · 23/07/2007 18:47

Metoo wannabe, no one is sayig hey need to have vast amounts of money spent on them it is just creating special memories


nightowl · 23/07/2007 18:53

but special memories dont just come from a party.

i had birthday parties when i was young, (over age six though) all the kids in the class were invited. i know this because ive seen the pictures, i dont actually remember any party so i guess i didnt enjoy them that much!

ds's first party (school class invited) was no-where near as much fun for him as the ones we've had since in the garden at home. its not about inviting loads of people you hardly know, well it shouldnt be anyway.


TheArmadillo · 23/07/2007 18:54

How about unless your SIL is actually being abusive (which it really doesn't sound like here) you let her decide what is best for her child and her family?

MAybe there are bits of your parenting that she is equally critical of?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?