AIBU to think that being late or early are equally rude?

[ooopsupsideyourhead]

So, between my family (always at least an hour late, with a better late than never attitude) and my PIL (always at least half an hour early as they have a serious case of FOMO ) I’m tearing my hair out about time!

Today we had a little tea party for DS, just with us and his grandparents and uncle - was supposed to be 3-5. In fact, there were people here from 2:15-6:45. He’s over tired - -me too- - DH is cross with his parents, I’m cross with mine..!

I know it would be very rude to leave my PIL on the door stop until a more reasonable time, but I also know it would be rude to ask my parents to leave after 30 minutes! GAH why does it feel like I’m the only one trying to be polite?!

I don’t think there is anything unreasonable or wrong in the scenario you’ve mentioned. Honestly you probably need to unclench a little.

Yeah both are rude if done to an exteeem extent. With family it’s a little different than with friends tho

If your PiL arrive early can't you just let them in direct them to the sofa and just carry on as if they weren't there. Likewise if your parents turn up at 5:30 and DS is tired by 6:00 just start doing his bath and calm down routine.

Have you tried telling your parents a earlier time and pil a later time than you actually want them to arrive 😉

Sorry, I clearly didn’t get the tone light enough in my OP - I’m frustrated after years of it. But it’s our normal and I’m totally fine now they’ve gone - was getting antsy towards the end though. It is pretty tough to keep smiling through when every single meet up lasts double the amount of time that would be sensible though!

Early I'd be fine with. Late would really pee me off

If they're so reliably early/late would definitely just do PPs suggestion and say the wrong time to each to balance it out. I do this with my chronically late sister and she's even realised I do it but she can't be completely sure it's not the right time so it works.

@bottle sadly not... my in-laws are high people that will follow me around the house 😂

@bottle ha, so, funny story. My parents in law used to always be late - we did that for a year or so, and it was working bloody brilliantly. Then suddenly, one morning they woke up and were early people!!

Sit the early Pil's down and carry on preparing. Don't let them bother you.
The late pil's would piss me off.

With the early ones you give them grandchild and steer them to sitting room. Then carry on. With late I'd just say ds has to go to bed and take him upstairs.

my in-laws are high people that will follow me around the house

Oh my god I'd hate this. My Aunt does this - when I'm running manically round the kitchen doing last minute cooking she always comes in and says "I'll keep you company". Then keeps asking me where I got this mug or that baking tray "aaaaaahhhh". (She's a lovely lady but this drives me mad).

It would be something if both sets of parents were early or late, but the fact that you have a mix of the two, that just sounds like a long day, and you probably deserve a medal!

Maybe a last-call bell would be apt

Yes bottle!!! In my head I’m begging them to go and sit down!

Are we related?! I tell in laws a time later than I would like them to arrive and my family a time earlier than I would like them to...usually just about works

When I was in the Marines, we were always first foot in, and the last foot off.

Sometimes when dealing with family, work, love or war, this rule has always kept me in good stead.

Does that help?

Arriving early to someone else's house is much worse than arriving late. I don't want to have to refuse entry or let you in while I'm still cleaning up and stinking of BO and in need of a shower. I've said arrive at that time, because that's the time I'm ready to recieve you. At least being late, the house and I are ready.

The late remainers, it is easier to switch to things-we-need-to-do mode having hosted them.

Have you specifically said that their time keeping bothers you?
I wouldn’t have opened the door. I would have shouted out that I was just getting dressed and leave them for at least 10 mins. Then at 5:10 I would have said goodbye!
A couple of minutes early or late is fine. But they are being really rude.