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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird? Not sure if IABU to find it weird or not!

46 replies

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 08/06/2019 16:42

It's was a very minor event but left me Confused

A long-time friend (A; 8yo) of DS1 and DS2 was booked to come over to play/sleep over - we have developed this reciprocal thing with the parents over the past 6mo or so. I get on well with the parents - hanging out at their house chatting during playdates sort of thing. We've known them for nearly 10 years.

So the doorbell rang and I went to answer. A was there, plus a woman I didn't know. She introduced herself politely and handed over the friend's clothes/sleepover stuff, then said she or one of the parents would collect tomorrow at the prearranged time (slightly earlier than usual as my family have a prior engagement). She then headed off.

I was a bit bemused, tbh; if A's mum had texted to say 'Just sending the boy over with 'named friend' now; thanks, see you tomorrow!' then it wouldn't have felt weird at all. But she didn't, and it did/does. We had another couple of friends here at the time (they had randomly dropped in plus toddler) and they seemed to find it odd too. I can't quite articulate why though!

Please either explain it to me or tell me to give my head a wobble Grin I repeat, this is not a life-changing incident. Just.... odd.

OP posts:
ChipSandwich · 08/06/2019 17:33

She introduced herself. What more could she say? Did you want her to explain why she was dropping off A?
I can think of loads of instances where a friend has been around and offered to do a drop off for me if I was busy with something else, or they were going in a convenient direction. And vice versa, I've done the same for other people.

It would have gone like "Hello, I'm Chip, A's Mum's friend. I'm dropping A off because his Mum's got terrible period pains/a migraine/doesn't want to pop in for a chat today/any other valid reason, and I was coming this way anyway/had to pop to Tesco/just offered so she didn't have to get dressed cos she's having a pj day.

There's no real reason to give all that detail. It's not odd at all.

Original poster
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 08/06/2019 17:36

I think, upon reflection, that I am finding it odd because I class the parents as friends of mine and ones who up til now have taken any and every opportunity to come in and have a catch up - the current situation is more "Here's my child, thanks". It's quite different to what normally happens with this family - hence the odd feel of it, I suppose.

Return to your lives, citizens, I've worked it out!

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 08/06/2019 17:41

As a parent it's down to me I feel to ferry my kids around to their friends houses, and wouldn't ask anyone else to do it. If a friend of mine was staying and offered to do it as a favour because I was busy, then I'd thank them and take them up on it, but would let the other parent know.

I get where you're coming from on this OP.

WorraLiberty · 08/06/2019 17:42

So if a child of people that you're friends with is dropped off by a random with no warning, you'd all find it totally normal?

Yes, unless it was a random to the parent of said child Confused

ShawshanksRedemption · 08/06/2019 17:45

Ah @ContessaIsOnADietDammit, are you feeling like your friends are turning down a get together? Even if it's for an hour over a cuppa as they drop their child off?

Do you see the friends outside of playdates socially?

Dahlietta · 08/06/2019 17:47

I think it's a bit odd, but harmless.

Original poster
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 08/06/2019 17:58

We do see them socially sometimes, yes. Clearly I haz hurty feelings, shawshank - I honestly hadn't twigged that til now! In touch with my emotions, me Grin

OP posts:
NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 08/06/2019 17:58

if a child of people that you're friends with is dropped off by a random with no warning, you'd all find it totally normal?

I was going to say basically what worra said. Unless it was a random to the child's parents, (that would be fairly worrying) or to the child himself (ie. A friend of his parents he had only just met) then no not really.

I've done it myself, for my godchildren if i've been visiting and their parents have been at work or with one of their other children i've dropped my god daughter off at a play date to a parent who couldn't know me because i live in england and they live in europe, hell 20 years ago i even did it for my own siblings (theres a 15 year gap between me and my youngest sibling) when was home from been home from Uni.

op you ssy this lady is a friend of the family staying, maybe the parents are busy, maybe they've been called in to work, maybe a sibling has been taken ill or another family member and rather tjan the kid missing out the family friend has done a favour and brought him round for his sleep over.

Its not a slight on your friendship, in fact its almost a sign of how much they trust you.

Original poster
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 08/06/2019 17:59

Slightly embarrassed that my neediness has become apparent in living colour on MN.... Blush

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 08/06/2019 18:36

Not odd at all.

BlueMerchant · 08/06/2019 18:42

Well I find it odd. Would be less odd if one of the parents had text beforehand to let you know as you are all friends.
Will be even more odd if this person is the one who collects the child.
Think I'd be texting asking if all's ok if so.

Original poster
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 08/06/2019 19:38

I'm now wondering if A's mum is a MNetter (she has never mentioned the site before, but I do frequently) as she's sent me a message explaining why A has dropped off by the family friend! I hadn't said a word, so.... I have replied saying I was initially a little confused but it's all good :)

If you're out there friend, everything truly is good - it doesn't take much to confuse me Grin

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 08/06/2019 19:42

A bit odd. I'd have expected a heads up.

HolesinTheSoles · 08/06/2019 19:58

I guess you were expecting/looking forward to them coming in for a tea and catch up so were put out. I don't think it's weird though (it would be weird if they were invited to a dinner party and sent a friend in their place). Imagine if they'd turned up and said "sorry have to dash we need to go to XYZ". The affect would be the same.

ChuggaChuggaChoooChooo · 08/06/2019 20:40

Did you know before hand that the kid was coming for a sleepover? If yes, then it's fine. If not, then it's odd...

ChuggaChuggaChoooChooo · 08/06/2019 20:41

Ahh, I've just seen it was prearranged... no it's not odd

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 08/06/2019 20:45

I'd find no warning text odd. I would have asked more questions tbh. Where are such in such, is everything ok?

ihadedto · 08/06/2019 20:48

But you know that the woman who dropped the boy off is a family friend of his parents and that she’s having a bad time (can’t remember exactly what you said). So surely you could figure out that she needs them at the minute and they have to break with routine/your expectations?

Notevenathing · 08/06/2019 20:50

Could a’s Mum possibly have had a last minute emergency crop up so enlisted help? Or been ill? I wouldn’t find it odd to be honest, however I would if a randomer came to pick him up with no prior warning

ihadedto · 08/06/2019 20:50

I’d be inclined to be a bit more understanding. You do know the situation: you know that Ms Dropoff probably wants to talk (to them). Surely they don’t owe you anything?

Dippypippy1980 · 08/06/2019 21:20

It’s not that weird.

My daughter went on a play date and her friends mum was supposed to collect them. She sent her friend who my daughter didn’t know, so my little superstar refused to get in the car. The teacher rang me and I brought her home.

That was weird. The mum didn’t really see the issue.

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