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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a thread about homophobia?

58 replies

Fallofrain · 08/06/2019 09:53

In response to the thread about the homophobic attacks being dominated by conversations about misogyny.

I am a woman (womans right are important to me) and I am gay but increasingly it appears difficult to discuss gay related discrimination experiences without the narrative being diverted away to something else.

Imagine if you were discussing sexism and men popped in on everythread and made it a conversation on class then insisted it had nothing to do with you being a woman.

Everyones experiences are valid, please stop talking over gay people

OP posts:
Armadillostoes · 08/06/2019 12:56

A sub-section of the lesbian community do not help by making straight female allies unwelcome when out with friends in lesbian friendly bars and spaces.

People need to be committed to human rights, not rights for people like them.

Darkcloudsandsunnydays · 08/06/2019 13:07

@fallofrain

In what ways do you descriminate against people when you first meet them or are you a perfect human being like everybody else on here.

RiversDisguise · 08/06/2019 13:09

YANBU.

One of my dearest friends is gay and she and her wife have to pay through the nose for fake business visas every three months for the wife, as gay marriage is not recognised in my friend's country- or, for that matter, in the wife's. They will never be able to adopt children together. They can use a sperm donor, but only.one mother will be on the birth cert if they go this route. If my friend was in a serious accident, her parents would make the medical decisions- not her wife.

They can hold hands in public, but they can't kiss.

They rent a flat with two bedrooms rather than one because my friend's father doesn't want to hear or believe that she's a lesbian. They've been together more than 10 years ffs.

There's a lot more, but this is the reality for how many millions of lesbians around the world?

Moralitym1n1 · 08/06/2019 13:12

@RiversDisguise

Can they not feasibly relocate?

Original poster
Fallofrain · 08/06/2019 13:12

In what ways do you descriminate against people when you first meet them or are you a perfect human being like everybody else on here...

Im not really sure where youre going with this. Youre right im not perfect, and continue to make mistakes, however im learning.

Its totally fine to not be a perfect person, however we must always strive for better

OP posts:
Happyspud · 08/06/2019 13:15

I remember feeling rage and having a few bust ups with my very usually very kind, apolitical family during the gay marriage referendum. How fucking dare they sit there at the dinner table debating the rights of another group like it was ANY of their business to have control over those rights.

RiversDisguise · 08/06/2019 13:22

@Moralitym1n1

No, my friend doesn't want to emigrate. Anyway, it would be difficult if not impossible- their professional qualifications are not recognised in the West.

Original poster
Fallofrain · 08/06/2019 13:26

armadillostoes
I agree, being hostile rather solves anything.
Its a bout balance, and ill be the first to admit that im not sure how we strike it!

my local gay club is now full of hen parties. One or two is managable but it used to be a cosy place where go and slowdance with my wife and feel comfortable. Now its full of hen do's which while its nice thwy are presumably there in support, gay people are a minority there now too just like in any other club. It sort of feels like theyve come to be entertained by the gay people at times

OP posts:
Armadillostoes · 08/06/2019 13:36

Fallo-I completely understand and agree about hen-parties and people almost coming along as tourists, for want of a better way of putting it, are an issue.

What makes me sad though is when a friend of mine wants to go for a quiet chat in a bar she likes and feels comfortable in, and I get hassle/hostility because I don't have the right "look". I resent people (any people) speculating, judging or sneering at me, or anyone else, based on assumptions about my sexual orientation. Obviously, those doing it are a small minority, but they aren't helping anyone.

I also see and agree that lesbian issue are so often see on out of conversation. Shutting out people who actually want to listen isn't a great tactic.

SisterMaryLoquacious · 08/06/2019 13:38

It’s definitely homophobic, and also definitely misogynistic. It’s definitely not anything to do with trans issues.

Original poster
Fallofrain · 08/06/2019 13:41

armadillo totally. Its a bit impossible really, how do we create open and welcoming spaces.

The way foward is definately not Quizzing people on the door about how gay they are and do they look gay!

OP posts:
joystir59 · 08/06/2019 13:44

Please stop calling same sex attracted women gay. We are lesbians. Being a lesbian is still my reality despite all attempts to erase me. Thank you in advance. The word is lesbian. Lesbian.

Original poster
Fallofrain · 08/06/2019 13:46

Apologies, i identify using gay but realise thats not universal

OP posts:
joystir59 · 08/06/2019 13:47

The biggest form of homophobia is practised by Stonewall who deny the validity of same sex attraction."
Wtf?? Really...?
This is true.

StealthPolarBear · 08/06/2019 13:49

Wonderful. What is this madness?

CrumbsCrumbsEverywhere · 08/06/2019 13:58

Erasure is an attack in itself. I'm late thirties and my father doesn't believe that I'm gay. I haven't asked him why he doesn't believe me because I dont want an argument but I suspect he thinks I'm unhinged. I've had relationships with men before which may contribute to his thinking. Were my parents not homophobic Iprobably wouldn't have.

Bezalelle · 08/06/2019 14:05

I don't think it's possible to separate lesbophobia from misogyny. They are too intertwined.

WhenIsTheEasyBit · 08/06/2019 14:07

I think some separation between the LGB and the T would help illuminate homophobia more clearly and enable more people to oppose it. Not trying to derail or goad, but I for one am being less vocal in my opposition to eg, parent protests because the coverage refers to teaching children about LGBT relationships. I completely support the inclusion of LGB within sex and relationships education, but strongly oppose any coverage of transgenderism (possibly not never, but certainly until we understand much better what lies behind the increase in teenagers identifying as trans and have better informed and non propagandist advisers). I am also not openly supporting Pride anymore because the TQ and + seems to have swamped it. The links with porn and the glorification of sex work all seem to have emerged in the wake of those extra letters being added.

I have not changed my views on same sex relationships and felt utterly sickened by the bus attack.

2BoysandaCairn · 08/06/2019 14:16

Sadly because many on here are anti-trans and want to force the issue on every subject involving lesbians and LGBT.
Sadly homophobia and the attacks associated with are on the rise.
I think the media reports I read at 0430( joys of nights) said 3 teenagers have been arrested.
I hope the CPS throw the book at them
Everyone no matter of colour, sexually, sex or age deserves to live their lives without fear.
I just hope all the LGBT community feels it can report these to police. I know they all take it seriously.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 08/06/2019 14:38

Sadly because many on here are anti-trans and want to force the issue on every subject involving lesbians and LGBT.

FFS. I am a lesbian. Full disclosure: I was one of the lesbians who stood outside the Stonewall conference bearing pro-lesbian banners on Lesbian Visibility Day & was spoken to be the police, who then agreed we had every right to be there.

I’ve listened to young lesbians who have been almost in tears at the pressure from their own community to learn to love dick because otherwise they’re transphobic bigots.

How the hell is that not lesbophobia and misogyny???

Original poster
Fallofrain · 08/06/2019 14:55

See this is now a thread about trans issues. Glad to see that any discussion about homophobia can always be diverted

OP posts:
EmpressLesbianInChair · 08/06/2019 16:10

No. As far as I’m concerned it’s a thread about homophobia. I’m making the point that we need to be worrying about it from all sides. Obvious thugs like those boys but also the more insidious stuff from Stonewall etc. And Mermaids. They all hate lesbians but only the thugs get called out for it by the media.

Hopeygoflightly · 08/06/2019 16:19

YANBU. Straight women have no idea of the frequent homophobia - including from them - that we have to deal with. Here's some that I've had from straight women in the last 12 months -
It was okay for me to be gay but I shouldn't be 'practising' homosexuality i.e. sleeping with my wife which brings me to no.2
I'm NOT really married to DW it's not a 'proper' marriage.

  1. the kids - we shouldn't have kids, sure get 'married' but bringing children into this relationship - selfish, wrong etc.
and then there was the charming group of women ( hen do I think) that threw cider over DW and I when they saw we were holding hands.

I'll wait for some straight people to come along and tell me that was misogyny and nothing to do with us being gay...

joystir59 · 08/06/2019 18:06

There is no LGBT community. Stonewall was LGB until recent years. Trans ideology is homophobic at its core.

joystir59 · 08/06/2019 18:09

Trans ideology is aimed at erasing lesbianism and taking over lesbian space.