Hi Girls & Guys
New to the forum, big hello to you all.
I'm in a bit of a dilemma... well its giant actually.
8 years ago the man of my dreams walked into my life ( not just looks, we clicked instantly ) at the time I was married in a miserable relationship.
It all started when my ( then ) husband and I bought our first home and we needed some renovation work doing.
The new guy was the Electrician, it was a sole mate / had to be together encounter, over the coming weeks we grew close as friends as I was overseeing the renovation work. Nothing happened between us, but once he had finished the job and traveled back home to his area ( 200 miles away ) I knew I couldn't continue in my marriage. I knew it was a mistake at the time and after falling so hard for a stranger, I knew my marriage would never work... I was never in love tbh, it was a marriage of convenience for both of us at the time, for my Husband, he got to be different with the American wife, me - no family, friends or anything when I arrived in the UK for work... so I just sort of fell into a marriage and we had a child.
Me and my Husband split in the coming year, and after a bit of time I bought my own place, and yes the Electrician walks back into my life.... it was hard for us to be together as he had a GF, but that "something" was still there as strong as ever.
Things got messy with my ex as he took to me court over our daughter as he wanted her to live with him ( 3 year old )
The new guy was there every step of the way with me through this the court procedure, his support was amazing.
We fell for each other big time, I got pregnant but he still had a GF back home ( 200mile ) so things where still complicated, and tbh I was never sure he would of left his old life and GF if I wasn't pregnant.
But he did leave her, it was messy, he had a life, houses, friends ( they where teen sweethearts) 16 years together, the breakup destroyed him, he was guilt ridden for some time and a shell of the man I fell so deeply in love with.
Fast forward 7 years and 2 beautiful daughters later.
I'm so so happy with him, I love him with all my heart and he loves me, we moved into an amazing house together in the north where he's from, we have friends, fam, a great life... I couldn't ask for more.
Onto the problem.
The house
At the time of relocating I had a very large house deposit, he was still selling his and dealing with his ex, he was depressed, he seemed to be drowning in guilt over what he'd done to her.
Our relationship looked like it was on thin ice and when push come to shove regarding the new house purchase, only my name went on the Mortgage eventhough we moved in together in what was our forever home.
After 7 years in the new house I've made big inroads into getting it paid down, my partner does his bit with the bills, but I earn considerably more and pay a lot more.
It's a 100 year old wreck of a house that needs everything. Slowly but surely my partner is renovating it between working, the build part of the project has been mainly on him, he also organizes and pays ( when ) he can, the other trades as needed, he pays as much as he can with what he's got.
I have to travel with work on occasions, and sometimes work is full on, so he juggles his work so he can also help with the kids as much as he can.
He now wants his name on the Mortgage, and he'd like to be married.
He says the situation all feels false, like he's a lodger or the boyfriend who can be kicked out at anytime, he feels very insecure with the current arrangement, he says we have kids together, bought the house together ( my money ) and are renovating it together so why shouldn't he have the financial security of the house also in his name.
He has money from when he eventually managed to sell his property, I tell him to buy an investment property so he has his own security, I dont want his money.
His money would only add to a quarter of what's in the house if I where to take it, and as I earn well. I'll have the house paid in 5 / 10 years, but he's insisting that the money go into our / my house.
He says he cant go on like it is, he's got not security, it doesn't feel like his home, he cant enjoy seeing it transform.
He also thinks this is the reason why I wont marry him as what mine becomes his.He says it plays on his mine 24/7 & if it doesn't change he cant stay, he says he is so unhappy with the setup, it eats away at him on a daily basis although he loves me, the life and kids very much.
He's a great guy, he took on my 1st daughter like his own and our 2 girls love their dad more than the world.
Life is great but the threat that if he doesn't get his way, he will have to leave just feels like a gun to my head...
Hit me with some hard truth as I only have my mom's opinion, and my current partners, and as to be expected, they are oopposite ends of the spectrum, my mom is very black and white, my money, my house... dont be stupid.
Just too add, my ex Husband took me for far more money than he ever put in, and I accepted that as I was the one who wanted out of the marriage... but I'm now afraid that I'll lose so much again if me and my current partner split up.
Am I punishing him for my past mistakes, if he doesn't love me enough to stay as we are, should I let him leave as much as it would kill me.
Thanks for reading, sorry for any typos.
Steph