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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to expect my family to just eat normal food?

46 replies

ILoveJoeBrown · 07/06/2019 21:26

Getting so demoralised and fed up with my family. DH, DSs aged 21,20 and 16 just will not eat anything I'd consider 'normal' food and seem to want to exist on supernoodles and chocolate spread, or junk food from take aways.

I used to cook proper dinners - spag bols; ham and baked potatoes; sausages and mash, but over the last couple of years they just won't eat anything I suggest. DH is just as bad and insists on not eating until at least 9pm, by which time we are all starving.

I have resorted to using a 'recipe delivery' service once a month so at least I can have a more adventurous menu for a couple of days.

What do I do? Let them exist like this or try another approach? i never dreamed they would all turn out to be junk food addicts and storing up unhealthy lives for themselves.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Octopus37 · 07/06/2019 21:58

Love that link, it made me lol. I have fussy kids who dont like lovely home made meals, Luckily they will eat pasta so we eat a lot of that (they are 9 and 12), but they love supernoodles and hotdogs,take aways etc. DH will eat anything, I joke that he eats out of the bin cause he will eat whatever is left cause he loathes waste. Thats why literally picking dinner out of the bin made me laugh. Cooking is so demoralising.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2019 21:59

Well as their maid, you should obviously cook whatever you want. I suggest asking them to write a menu at the start of the week, with prefered feeding times and then you can just cook 5 separate meals at 5 separate times!

Alt. make it clear what you will be cooking for you each night, and if they want to opt in they can let you know and you can cook for them. Alt they cook for themselves. but (assuming you are in charge of it) i'd cut down on buying crap. If DH is feasting on tons of crap, is it coming in the big shop or is he buying it on his way home? The chocoalte and crisps and supernoodles - are the boys buying it themselves or are you?
Buy a reasonable amount of food to feed you all and let them figure it out. Even the 16 yr old, he eats with you, he eats with his Dad at 9 or he fixes himself something inbetween

Isatis · 07/06/2019 22:00

Has your husband had a health checkup recently? It sounds like he's rapidly working his way to Type 2 Diabetes.

Lovemusic33 · 07/06/2019 22:00

I feel your frustration. I love cooking but my teens just want to eat super noodles and hot dog sausages, or pizza and cold baked beans. I try and cook a couple meals a week but they end up in the bin so I now just cook for myself (and freeze a few portions).

carrotflinger · 07/06/2019 22:03

I'd let them get on with it. I'd moved out by the time I was 17 to go to university and didn't come back (working away in the holidays etc) so I was cooking all my meals for myself. 20 and 21 is more than old enough to be responsible for their own food - if they want to eat rubbish it's their decision. 16 year old can either eat what you cook or go without or cook their own junk food.
DH can cook his junk for himself as well (none of this stuff is hard to cook, let's face it) and there is NO WAY I would be putting up with him dictating what time the meal will be.

Just say from Monday everyone is responsible for cooking their own meals. You want to eat healthy meals and not junk and at a suitable time. Then let them get on with it and you make what you like.

Chloemol · 07/06/2019 22:03

Don’t buy the crap, the biscuits etc. If your husband and children want them they can go and buy them. Prepare the meal for a time you want and ask who will be there. Then cook the portions accordingly. If your husband is still hungry offer him fruit

Sockworkshop · 07/06/2019 22:05

I just stopped cooking the big family dinners and cook for DH and I .
There are eggs,bread,sandwich fillings,pizzas etc .
They usually stampede home like a herd of elephants if I mention a roast dinner.
Why is your DH insisting on eating at 9pm?
Stuff that!

Aquamarine1029 · 07/06/2019 22:06

@Chloemol is absolutely right. If your husband and sons want to eat all that shit, they can go buy it.

I think at this point, the most powerful and effective thing you can do is to lead by example by focusing on your health and diet. Use this as your own motivation to get into amazing shape.

stucknoue · 07/06/2019 22:07

I would simply tell them that a meal is on offer at 7pm (or whenever) then at the beginning of each week say which days they would like to join you, or they cook their own (and buy their own). I would tell the 16 year old they are eating with you most nights. Your dh can heat his up if needed.

justasking111 · 07/06/2019 22:08

I`m with Chloemol. Stop buying cakes and biscuits, pot noodles. Dinner is at 7 be there or go hungry. I used to say the kitchen is closed after that. Teenage DS does get the munchies at night, there are some of those microwave burgers he can eat if he is revising until late.

Barbie222 · 07/06/2019 22:09

What @Aquamarine1029 said. You can't change him but you can rub your own fitness and health in his face now and again!

Cruelstepmother · 07/06/2019 22:10

Make a list of meals for the week and say you will be cooking spag bol on Monday, garlic chicken potatoes and peas on Tuesday etc. You will cook for anyone who wants it and will serve up at (say) 7.30pm. Anyone who doesn't put their name on the list sorts out their own meals. Including DH. If you serve earlier he has less time to fill up on snacks - he's not hungry because he's already eaten a meal's worth of calories before dinner is served.

Yorkshiremum17 · 07/06/2019 22:11

I make the food decisions in our house insomuch as I do a food plan buy the food and cook it! My dh & ds either eat it or go hungry. I don't buy in crap anymore as I'm trying to get us all healthy, that being said I also don't deliberately cook something that they don't like.

With regards the late eating, I would cook your meal for when you want to eat and plate up every one else's, if it's not eaten by 10pm it goes in the freezer as a ready meal. If the older kids are buying their own food there's not much you can do!

thegreatcrestednewt · 07/06/2019 22:11

What Aquamarine says!

It must be soul-destroying after presumably trying to feed them healthily for the past 20 years, but what can you do?

Cook lovely things for you. Don’t buy shit. Maybe buy noodles and stir fry veg, etc, so they have something quick and easy, but healthy, to eat.....

Mrsjayy · 07/06/2019 22:13

I would do dinner for 6 ask who wants any I can't believe you feel the need to pander to them all I would be miserable if I had to wait for 9 Oclock to eat.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 07/06/2019 22:21

I was annoyed on your behalf by your DH "insisting" that the whole family wait until nine to eat, and that you are all starving.

Fuck that. Why does he get to decide that the rest of you should be hungry while he grazes on crap?

This stops now. Your family has a choice - they can eat pot noodles and whatever if they want, but they have to buy it themselves. Every night, at a time that suits you, (six? Seven?) you will cook and eat a decent meal. They are very welcome to join you but by eating the food that you've cooked, they are agreeing to cook for you (and anyone else who wants to join you) one night that week.

This way you get to eat food you want at a reasonable time, and the willing company of anyone who wants to join you. You may also get someone cooking for you from time to time. And you aren't stuck trying to cajole, nag or persuade your family to eat better. You are leading by example and modelling assertiveness :)

Hahaha88 · 07/06/2019 22:28

Why would anyone want to wait til 9pm to eat? I'd be hangry AF and chewing my arm off by then! Your DH is clearly too hungry to wait til then too if he's snacking lots before dinner.
I think you've had the answer clearly here already, cook what you want when you want it and they can either join you or sort themselves

justasking111 · 07/06/2019 22:35

Isn`t there something about obesity and eating late causing it?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 07/06/2019 22:37

Why are you cooking for anyone but you, when you feel like it. Anyone over 14 is more than capable to cater for themselves

kateandme · 07/06/2019 22:40

hve you spoken to your husband.not to say hes putting on weight etc.but your worried for his health.
or say to him youve noticed the family are becoming unhealthy and want to start adding better meals or and foods.can he come on board.
if not.cook for yourself.let them know what your doing and do they want you to cook it for them inclluded and if not they can have what they like.
could you say the same to your sons regarding health and the families decline in good meals.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/06/2019 22:59

"DH is just as bad and insists on not eating until at least 9pm, by which time we are all starving."

"I do care about what DH eats - he is overweight and getting more so as he will insist on having huge portions of everything and snacks on cake/biscuits before announcing he's hungry and what have I planned for dinner!! "

So he insists on not eating until 9pm so that everyone is starving by then - but he's been stuffing biscuits/cake down his throat so that he staves off the hunger he's imposing on the rest of you?

Fuck. That. Shit.

Honestly, he could insist as much as he likes, you don't have to actually listen. When would you like to eat? Well that's your new mealtime. I would announce an hour beforehand that dinner will be a X o'clock. If he pipes up he doesn't want to eat then I would breezily tell him fine, you can eat it later all cold and unappetising. And do it. I'd bet money he will eat it at the time of your choosing. And if he doesn't? That's his choice. And I would feel totally free to criticise him to his face for gobbling biscuits and not his meal.

I would wonder how much of the supernoodle/chocolate spread eating is because not eating until 9pm is just not working.

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