I think DH thinks I'm dismissive of his ideas. I feel like I wouldn't be dismissive if any of his ideas were sensible!
So today we had a bit of an argument. Neither of us are working right now, apart from an occasional bit of freelancing he gets. He is going to give up the occasional freelancing and be a SAHD when I go back to work in a few months. He is getting a bit more involved with the baby, but I feel he still sees it as something that I know about having read various books etc. and he is assisting me at the moment. He looks to me to make all the decisions and research everything.
Basically, we're both vegan and would like to raise our DS vegan. I, having done a fair amount of research, know how complicated this is and that baby nutrition is very different from adult nutrition. DH has done pretty much no research so doesn't see what the problem is or why I'm stressed about the fact that we haven't worked out yet whether we need an iodine supplement and where to get one etc. I want DH to get involved since he'll be the one who has to feed DS and I don't want to be having to come up with meal plans for him on top of working.
I complained to DH that he is supposed to be being the SAHD but has taken very little interest in finding out how to raise children and that when he does try to find out about something (normally because I beg him to share the mental load) he does it in a stupid way. For example, when I was trying to sort out baby-proofing I spent lots of time looking online. He posted a query on Facebook to ask what others had done and because a couple of the people (not all) said they hadn't done much he decided that we needn't bother and could just keep an eye on DS. He didn't really think about it beyond that - eg some had said that they didn't put up stairgates, but he didn't think about the fact that we live in a townhouse with the living room on the first floor so we might need them even if some random people on Facebook didn't. More generally, he hasn't read any parenting books or websites and spends his free time mainly playing games in his phone.
Later, he came back from the hairdressers and said the hairdresser said that her nephew has problems sleeping when they've had visitors who've spent lots of time hugging him, so we should try not touching DS as much as possible and maybe he'd sleep better. For a start, we don't even touch DS that much (he's too busy crawling and exploring) but mainly my understanding is that this "spoiling a child through too many hugs" stuff had been debunked years ago. I don't want us taking advice off some random person that DH has met that might be detrimental to DS - I don't want to deny DS a cuddle if he wants one!
DH has spent the rest of the afternoon looking upset and I don't know what to do. I just wish he would be a bit more sensible. He's asked if I'd rather send DS to daycare and maybe I genuinely don't know but it's too late now anyway and I just want DH to up his game. AIBU?