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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another... is this normal...

38 replies

harrypotterspyjamas · 07/06/2019 20:10

I'm frustrated with my boyfriend . Saw him on Monday . Going out together over a year this summer . This weekend fully planned ... but not with me . Football, party, rugby, friends . I would like to be with him. He didn't invite me to any. I am home on my own . I kept it free in case he would ask me over . Is this acceptable . He lives only in the next town . He might be free to see me Sunday after the rugby . Aibu

OP posts:
OnlineAlienator · 07/06/2019 20:12

Get another bf. Create rota. Problem solved!

Original poster
harrypotterspyjamas · 07/06/2019 20:12

Yes but I really like him

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 07/06/2019 20:13

You have to assert yourself! Why don’t you say to him ‘what shall we do this weekend?’ rather than wait for him to invite you? Then if he says he’s booked up you can plan to see your friends or whatever. You’d think he would have said to you that he had a busy weekend planned but hoped to see you on X, so I’m wondering if maybe you are more invested in this relationship than he is?

bluebluezoo · 07/06/2019 20:14

Stop keeping weekends free and hanging about in case he wants to see you.

Get on with your own life and plans.

Sirzy · 07/06/2019 20:15

Have you said “ooh can I come to the rugby/party/whatever” or are you just sitting back waiting for an invite?

Palegreenstars · 07/06/2019 20:16

Don’t keep time free just in case! It can be helpful to acknowledge when someone isn’t equally invested in a relationship and set your own priorities accordingly.

He ‘might’ be free - what, unless a better option comes up?

Expressedways · 07/06/2019 20:17

It depends entirely on whether this is a regular occurrence or a one-off. And don’t keep the weekend free for him unless you’ve made definite plans together! It’s impossible to say whether you’re a priority for him as your post provides zero context but in a healthy long term relationship you should be living your own life and not keeping your time free just in case.

Lllot5 · 07/06/2019 20:18

Don’t keep your weekends free on the off chance he’s going to see you.
Make your own plans let him worry if he’s going to see you, let him keep his weekends free just in case you can fit him in.
He should want to be with you.

Original poster
harrypotterspyjamas · 07/06/2019 20:21

We've got into a habit where he decides our dates but if I have a very definite occasion, then I say it first . He has a very busy social life and I don't . I work around him generally . Sometimes he may text and ask to meet if he is free during a weekend like this . I'm mad with myself for hoping . Yes it's a regular occurance .

OP posts:
OnlineAlienator · 07/06/2019 20:24

I didnt say you had to get rid of him Grin

PickAChew · 07/06/2019 20:26

It sounds like you're more into him than he is you, if he's just fitting you in, here and there.

Justmuddlingalong · 07/06/2019 20:29

He's your priority, you're his option for when he's got nothing else on.
You really like him, he knows you really like him. He's only giving you as little as possible to keep you hanging on.

Darayan20 · 07/06/2019 20:29

Go get someone else how will have you as his priority

janetforpresident · 07/06/2019 20:32

I kept it free in case he would ask me over
Stop doing that. Make firm arrangements with him in advance and fill the rest of your time with friends and hobbys

You are putting your life on hold for him.

YABU because he didn't let you down he never had an arrangement with you.

MorondelaFrontera · 07/06/2019 20:41

I kept it free in case he would ask me over

no no no no

Honestly, it doesn't sound good at all. Above all, never put your life on hold for someone. It makes you sound needy and it's very unattractive.

julensaor · 07/06/2019 20:43

are u into sports?

FionasWineShow · 07/06/2019 20:44

I kept it free in case he would ask me over

You can't keep doing this, or you'll just be more and more miserable.

How old are you both? 20-something? His lifestyle probably isn't going to change any time soon (I remember those years well!), and if he was really into you, he'd be bringing you along with him.

I'd ask yourself if 'keeping your weekends free' for someone who isn't that bothered, is something you want to be doing into the long-term.

bigchris · 07/06/2019 20:45

How long have you been together and how old are you both?

Original poster
harrypotterspyjamas · 07/06/2019 20:49

Thirties and together about a year

OP posts:
starzig · 07/06/2019 20:50

YABU. He has plans with freinds, not with you.
Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself will send out bad signals to bf, looks very clingy and possessive.
Make your own plans and do something with your freinds or on your own.

FionasWineShow · 07/06/2019 20:51

And switch it around. Can you imagine him 'keeping himself free' while you whirled around a range of social events without him?

Look at what you're going with a critical eye, and see how it must look to him.

I don't say this to be unkind, but it's not a good look. Knowing you're sitting there passively waiting is not a look that garners respect. If he was doing this, you'd think he was a bit pathetic, wouldn't you? Again, I don't say this to be unkind, but to help you see what he's (subconsciously) seeing.

You think you're enabling the relationship - being ready at the drop of a hat, making it possible for the two of you to be together.

But ironically, you're making yourself seem like a less appealing option the more you do this.

mommybear1 · 07/06/2019 20:54

Honestly??? move on - if after a year he is not factoring you into his plans I'd say there's a problem on his part.

Theworldisfullofgs · 07/06/2019 20:58

Do you want to have kids, get married etc? If so move on.
He's not planning to settle down with you

If your happy being free, be free, get a life and see home when it's convenient with you.

Yesicancancan · 07/06/2019 21:01

“I work around him generally”
Pack that in right now.
The way things are now is as good as they are going to get. Is that enough for you? Or do you deserve and want more?

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 07/06/2019 21:03

Does he make time for sex when it suits him?

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