Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby shower etiquette

31 replies

doggymom23 · 07/06/2019 18:10

Are you expected to bring gifts to a baby shower? Maybe I am harsh but I find them so grabby and boring... but would be keen to hear your views. Am invited to one in two weeks and slightly miffed at the expectation to bring a gift then another one after baby arrives!

OP posts:
SpangledBoots · 07/06/2019 18:11

I see mostly gifts for the mum at UK baby showers.

meditrina · 07/06/2019 18:15

Yes, the whole purpose of a shower (as opposed to some other party during pregnancy) is to 'shower with gifts'

So yes, you must not go empty handed.

Traditionally gifts are for the baby.

'shower-type gift' is a well-known phrase for something inexpensive and useful

AuntieStella · 07/06/2019 18:15

If you don't like showers, then decline the invitation with thanks.

You can always visit (with a gift if you want to) when the baby has safely arrived

RuggerHug · 07/06/2019 18:16

I'm going to sound harsh. Do you have to go?

Queenoftheashes · 07/06/2019 18:16

I understood the term baby shower originally referred to the mother to be being showered with advice from more experienced women.
It’s been cooped by consumer culture. I avoid them like the plague. Only get gifts when baby is born.

stucknoue · 07/06/2019 18:17

It's come in from the USA and it's baby stuff, there they don't give gifts after the birth I found. I think it's a case of choose when you give a gift

quaverflavour · 07/06/2019 18:18

I’ve only been to one but I think we all chipped in and then the organiser sorted a hamper full of things for the mum and baby, rather than people buying stuff on their own.

AlaskanOilBaron · 07/06/2019 18:21

Traditionally, yes, but the organisers should be tactful where attendees might have limited means. For example, you could have a shower where people bring something that they made for the baby, or a hand-me-down or similar.

I'd imagine there's all kinds of eco/green lower-consumption showers these days. They were pretty extravagant back in my day (early noughties).

Honeybee85 · 07/06/2019 18:21

I thought they were invented for first time mums as a way to get all the stuff they need for a baby Hmm? In any case, if you go to a ‘ normal’ party, would you show up empty handed? I think most people would at least bring a bottle of wine.

If you don’t know what to get for the baby shower I would just get the mum to be some nice toiletries for herself and the baby or a giftcard.
I wouldnt go without a present and rather decline the invitation then showing up with empty hands.

AuntieStella · 07/06/2019 18:22

It's been showering with gifts since at least the end of WW2

WIki puts this gifting tradition as right back to the the. 19th century, but I'm not sure how reliable that is

LittleLongDog · 07/06/2019 18:24

I love going to a shower. I want to buy the baby and mum little things anyway so it’s a nice chance to all get together and feel giddy about the baby coming.

But I’m sure the person organising it wouldn’t want you to go if it isn’t your thing. Just decline the invite if you don’t fancy it.

Eliza9919 · 07/06/2019 18:25

I thought the point of these was that you gave your the gift at the shower.

The reason people in the UK don't know what to do or are miffed they are expected to give two is because this is an American custom and ours is to give a gift when the baby is born.

pokepoke · 07/06/2019 18:27

Yes I would always bring a gift for the baby and/or mum at a baby shower.

If you dislike them, you can decline the invitation. You can always visit when the baby has been born.

pokepoke · 07/06/2019 18:28

Forgot to add, I would give the gift at the shower and not any more when I see the actual baby. I don't think anyone would expect multiple gifts 🤔

Sussana30 · 07/06/2019 18:31

I had a baby shower almost 5 years ago for my first. Some people bought small gifts for me and others gave something for baby. I was very grateful but wouldn't say the gifts were extravagant like they seem to be in the USA. A nice baby grow, or a pack of baby towels. Someone brought a pack or nappies and wipes. Useful stuff, generally in the £5 - £20 price range.

I've been to a few baby showers and if I bring a gift to the shower I just get a congratulations card once baby arrives. There's often a christening / naming / big first birthday so I tend to spend a bit more on presents for those things.

Name739017 · 07/06/2019 18:59

I’ve been to a few baby showers and have never even thought about giving a second gift when the baby arrives! Now I am thinking about it, I would only give one gift.

I recently had a baby shower and I can tell you I was equally grateful for the gifts of leftover nappies and hand me down clothes as I was for anything bought brand new. I did say not to bring gifts but everyone did anyway but it was a good reason to have friends round for lunch and catch up, which we don’t often do.

KC225 · 07/06/2019 19:12

Grabby and boring? How would you know if you've not been to one one? If you feel that way, don't go.

And no I have never had a baby shower.

curiousandcurio · 07/06/2019 19:18

Wow you sound nice!

NauseousMum · 07/06/2019 19:21

Why would you take a second gift? Gift at the shower and that's it.

DinoGreen · 07/06/2019 19:40

I take a small token gift to a baby shower and then a proper present once the baby is born.

donquixotedelamancha · 07/06/2019 21:57

Maybe I am harsh but I find them so grabby and boring

Christ, just don't go. I was so touched when our friends organised on for us- I'd hate to think of someone there who hated it.

You don't need to get a gift at all, let alone twice. Your friends just want your company- people who actually like their friends often want to get something.

reluctantbrit · 07/06/2019 22:02

A friend with a US husband had a baby shower and we gave small gifts like toileteries, baby socks, I would say not more than £10.

I gave a larger gift when the baby was born.

Slicedpineapple · 07/06/2019 22:28

I just see them as a way to get together with friends and celebrate the impending arrival of baby, and have a good catch up.

I wouldn't go empty handed but never spend a fortune on baby shower gifts. £10 - £15 ish.

Whatareyoutalkingabout · 08/06/2019 09:01

Literally the only purpose of the baby shower is to bring the pregnant person gifts. That's all it is. You can't go to a baby shower and not bring a gift, it would just be bizarre.

Eustasiavye · 08/06/2019 09:08

I don't like them.
Don't find them fun and agree they seem grabby.
I'd much rather but a gift after the baby is born.