Currently pregnant with my first baby, due next week. In our group chat, DH’s sister has asked if she can come up next weekend to drop off a gift. We get on well but don’t see each other often as she’s about an hour away and doesn’t drive, we all work full time etc. I probably speak to her more than he does.
DH replies in the group chat that a visit would be fine and “we might even have a baby by then!”
Obviously as this is my first baby, I have no experience to draw on, but all the advice I’ve been given (by friends, NCT class, and reading mumsnet) has been that I may or may not want visitors immediately after the birth and that I should be cautious about making any plans. Basically I should see how it all goes, and invite people up once I know how I feel. If necessary, I might need to set expectations in advance. Thankfully our families are considerate people and not pushy although I have already said to my mum and dad that we’ll play visits by ear and plan something once the baby is here.
I don’t want to have to stick to a planned visit if the baby has come beforehand, and his response made me feel like I had to say that it might not be ok depending on how the birth goes, so I told her (politely) and she was fine about it.
I told DH how I feel about visitors and he basically said that if visitors want to come, they can come, and that he shouldn’t have to consult me about every decision before he replies to his own family.
For context- he has been working away in the week (and will do until the end of the month) so has not been to NCT with me. He hasn’t spoken to anyone about the first few weeks with a newborn. He doesn’t read about it online. We’ve obviously discussed having a baby a lot but perhaps we haven’t discussed this.
Also we are currently in a position with his work where (unless I can make it to 40+14) we will have to decide whether it’s better for DH to take paternity leave straight away after the birth, but then work away again for 7 weeks when baby is around 6 weeks old. Or, he can delay paternity leave until July which means I’ll be on my own with a newborn but worst case scenario is it would only be for 3 weeks and then he will be on paternity leave for two weeks then working locally indefinitely. He said recently that he expects to go straight back to work as “unless you have a c section, it will all be ok.” That might be true, but it also might not ... 🤷♀️ It made me feel like he has unrealistic expectations.
I ended up telling him I don’t feel supported because he’s not on the same page as me, which he didn’t take very well.
AIBU?
Please be kind to me, I’m feeling anxious about the birth and upcoming big life change.