To know that I wouldn't put up with infidelity in any shape or form?

[Crazydazy]

Not having a go at anyone here honestly but I just feel dreadfully sorry for all these women that put up with cheating toe-rag partners/husbands.

My Mum suffered for years at the hands of my father who left her twice whilst pregnant for another woman.....maybe its just left me bitter but I seriously would not forgive someone who cheated on me because if its they do it once they WILL do it again.

[TenaLady]

Do you know, sometimes I do think that a bit of infidelity might spice up our lives. I wouldnt do it but if dh did it might wake me up to what a gorgeous man he is.

[Crazydazy]

My Mum has never ever met anyone else since my Dad left her in 1984, it put her off completely, she felt so worthless and embarrassed that she believed him.

Her whole life was wasted because she simply didn't get rid of him the first time, walk away and meet someone else.

I know really its not so cut and dried but I feel such frustration.....maybe I am bitter

[stormy06]

Are you crazy tenalady!!

[Crazydazy]

Fidelity is very important to me, the most important thing in my relationship. I made it clear from the start and believe me my husband would not dare cheat on me as he knows how strongly I feel.

[stormy06]

My dh says he would never cheat on me i believe him he says one woman is enough for him to cope with he couldnt manage two!

[Crazydazy]

my DH is like that Stormy, he just rolls his eyes and says "where would I get the energy?"

[stormy06]

its not just mine that says stuff like that then :D

[Ladymuck]

The thing is that ultimately none of us is perfect. And infidelity is a very wide term which could at one end cover watching pornfilms, thorugh to high levels of deceit in keeping another woman (or man).

I think it is reasonable for you to have certain areas which are trigger points for you and for your husband to realise those and respect those. For me it would actually be in the area of domestic violence; I probably could live with some definitions of infidelity but our marriage owuld be over if dh was ever violent towards me.

But each marriage is different, and it is rather simplistic to say that one event will auotmatically bring it to its end. If you have built a life together over 20 years or more, then inone sense you are giving up more than if the marriage hadn't lasted as long. And where chidren are involved as well I think that there is a greated need to try and forgive. To infer that some people want to try to hang onto a lifestyle is also a bit simplistic. But in reality there will be many things that you participate in as a couple or a family, and it is hugely significant to break up that unit.

[Judy1234]

I would have preferred my ex husband to be unfaithful to how he did treat me/us. Not that I would have liked unfaithfulness but it wouldn't have been such a big deal. I also think it depends on the circumstances too. Groping someone when you're drunk at a Christmas party is not quite the same as falling in love with and spending lots of time with talking to them as well as in bed with another woman. That is much more of a betrayal.

It's surprising what some people with tolerate. Kimberly Quinn's husband has even accepted the child his wife had during their marriage which is her lover's baby (David Blunkett).

[Crazydazy]

Violence is definitely something else that I wouldn't tolerate but as you say different people have different views of what would be the end for them and although I abhorr violence to me its not as bad as infidelity.

[granarybeck]

I can appreciate where you're coming from, as my parents divorced because of infidelity.

But, I think, it is extrememly hard to state in advance how you would deal with something like infidelity until it actually happens. It's just not that simple and is part of a bigger picture of what you have (or don't have) with your partner (and your children, family, life..).

I think although experiences with parents' marriages affects people and how you think of things as an adult its not the same as it actually happening to prepare you for what you would actually do if it happened in your own marriage.

[jellyjelly]

I will never accept that my x had an affair especially due to the circumstances and we were together 5 years. Still haunts me a year on and i am discusted byt the details i know. It helps that they dont seem happy though.