AIBU to not give my ex fittings from the house?

[ImSoUnoriginal]

I'll try to condense this as much as possible.
I own my house. I have been separated from my ex for 2 years and have recently moved in with my new partner.
My ex and I have a young child together. He is a very controlling chap. He did a lot of work on my house and I got a mortgage and paid him a fair lump sum for that work, when he (finally) left. Plus lending him a bit extra after we split, which I know I'll never get back. He didn't contribute to the overall earnings much, as he didn't work often (particularly in the last 2 years).
Since I am living elsewhere, I am sorting my house out (v slowly), to hopefully rent out.
My ex feels I should be returning things to him, that I feel are part of the house, fitted carpets, log burner, etc. I think they belong to the house and yes he may have paid for them originally but it was done for both of us and he's just being spiteful and trying to claw back a bit of control because he feels like he's lost it. He keeps saying I'm stealing from him.
I do have some of his belongings (no value, just clothes etc) which I fully plan on returning.
He also wants a couple of items of furniture he made (think scaffold boards) that he thinks he's going to sell. I've got to the point where if I can take them apart, he can have them but AIBU to say the carpets etc stay with the house?

He did a lot of work on my house and I got a mortgage and paid him a fair lump sum for that work, when he (finally) left.

If you've already paid for the materials (i.e. log burner) then he's being a CF. But if you only paid for his labour and HE paid for the log burner/etc carpets then I'm not sure where you stand to be honest.

You owe him nothing. Keep the evidence of the payments made to him originally, even if it’s a bank withdrawal or transfer with no further details. Screenshot any texts that mention it. Then, return the clothes and any other items immediately. At that point, you can cease contact on the house and only communicate about your daughter.

He could contest this by the land registry by filing a claim of ownership of the property due to his ‘investment’, but that’s not easy to do and he would be unsuccessful given his lacking contribution to the ongoing costs of the house both while you were in a relationship and now.

Don’t worry, and have a good weekend.

No is a complete sentence and everything but so is "get bent"....

I would tell him to get lost. It sounds like he’s done well out of your relationship and didn’t contribute much financially. Isn’t this also an attempt to control you still?

Wasn’t the ownership of these items going forward specified in your divorce?

Wait so you've already paid for them when he did the work? In which case he can naff off. If he paid for them I think it's more complicated. Did he get them for you as a couple or just for you? Either way it's blooming cheeky of him to leave it 2 years before mentioning it.

You’ve already paid him, he’s due nothing .... if you have stuff you no longer want them let him have it but otherwise don’t give him a thing, just remind him you already paid him when he left.

An ex of mine did this. I had the house valued and it was (luckily) in negative equity at the time due to the recession, so I didn't have to offer a penny. Told him he was welcome to take half the carpets/ artificial grass etc.

I think it's fair enough for him to get things he made back.

Anything else? He can swivel.

tell him he can have it all back, just as soon as he pays back the money you paid him to do it all and the extra loan you gave him.. a

^ good point. He can pay you back the loan and prove receipts for what he bought

I'd say give him the furniture and tell him that the stuff he bought was paid off earlier - or in any case, that if he is planning to make it tricky then you'll consider any share of his to be part repayment of the loan.

^^ what PPs said about the loan!

Also as long as he wasn't an actual SAHP of course - if you felt really petty I would tally up his vs your contributions to the household as you mentioned he didn't work much in the last 2 years and work out how much you subsidised him + loan on top and tell him he can have the XYZ as soon as you get your contribution back 🙆

You owe him nothing.

The answer is 'no'

Tell him to take the costs off the loan he owes you.
Cf of the day and its only 10.48!!

Really what is he going to do about it if you say no? Is he realistically going to take you to court or is he just going to moan at you?

Thing is any negotiating will just draw it out further and he will carry on thinking he’s in control. Just say to him ok to clothes and whatever DIY furniture he wants but that’s it. The End and refer to earlier payment and the loan. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on if it went to court and he has been paid, actually owes you money he hasn’t paid back AND he wants more money

How much are they worth second hand? Deduct that from the loan.

Give him back the stuff that is his (the clothes and the furniture he made) as quickly as possible. Then end contact.

Picture the house as a dolls house, if you turned it upside down and it stays where it is, consider it part of the house (this was how my solicitor explained it when issues came up with the sellers for my home) and covered by the money you took out the mortgage for, it's not perfect - a wall mounted tv wouldn't be included unless specified, for example, but it's a good guide.

I'd refuse to discuss anything else until the loan is repaid; or if I didn't expect the money back, I'd offer to 'forgive' the loan, in exchange for a written agreement that ex has no claim to anything else (excluding child obv, and handmade items) in order to get it sorted with a firm line drawn under both the items disputed and the loan for my own peace of mind.

(Though I wonder - if ex was out of work for much of this time, I'd consider this ex's contribution to the household as much as covering the groceries/utilities/household bills... also the items are used so keep in mind 2nd hand value - I just wouldn't want to give ex that much time/mental space/attention by arguing the point -).

Handmade items of furniture (table, bed-frame, bookcase, and I'm not including flat-pack here) that ex made, ex arranges removal at a mutual convenient time within 30 days (by an insured 3rd party ex pays for if you suspect likely shenanigans such as 'accidental' damage to your property) - unless it's something for child, then because I wouldn't want it to come up again and again (and assuming shared custody where child would still have access at ex's), I'd replace within 90 days, and then ex arranges removal... etc etc. I'd usually say exclude anything that was made specifically for you as a birthday/anniversary/whatever gift, but I probably wouldn't want to keep them unless planning to hand down to child.

(Having made my own furniture, those items are much more important to me - so I admit a bias here - but I would certainly expect to keep my dining room table I made following a separation in the same way I'd expect to keep the household items I inherited from my family.)

Also, I'd give 30 days notice to collect abandoned personal items such as clothes before getting rid (otherwise it's effectively unpaid storage - would ex have paid for a storage unit for this stuff? I'm guessing no, and it's another hook into your life).