Madonna/whore complex

[multicoloredribbons]

Is this a thing???
Can you give me examples if you know what it means? I struggle to understand it . Thanks

Besides the slut comment that I find chilling, he really does it like me wearing make up or me wearing revealing clothes. He likes the natural look.he knows that I have a long term relationship history and that I have miscarried a number of times... I.e. I have had many sexual relationships.that does. Not upset him .

*doesnt like make up on me or exposing clothes .

He likes the natural look

He doesn't,he just wants you to know your place.

Seriously OP,run like the fucking wind.

For your friend to comment I imagine she's very concerned.

Definitely a thing and surprisingly common. Only time I was the OW (he wasn't married and no kids involved, but he had a girlfriend - I'm not proud of it). He had the beautiful angelic blond girlfriend but he would still be shagging about behind her back (me and I found out later, others). Any hint that she might be interested in anyone else had him raging. She had to be the perfect "wife" material but he treated her like garbage and played away constantly.

Anyone who uses the word "slut" is generally a misogynist who would never condemn the same behaviour from a man. Best avoided OP.

He definitely a misogynist and should be avoided at all costs. Interestingly a lot of rapists and serial killers have a Madonna whore complex. If you are in the early stages of a relationship with this man I would get rid of him asap. Actually, if you been with him for 20 yrs and have 5 children I would still say, get rid.

"He doesn't like me wearing makeup or revealing clothes"

He doesn't want competition because he knows there are far better, more decent men out there.

He sounds like my abusive ex - he was also a fan of the natural look and knew a lot about my relationship history and past - he seemed like a great listener but was in fact storing it all up to use against me. OP this man sounds controlling and awful. The red flags are waving high.

Really!!!!€

Really???

Sounds exactly like the ex I mentioned too. He was all about the “natural” look and a “perfect gentleman”. He would have destroyed me. Run like the wind. I’m not joking.

I mean, I personally would run a mile. Men who speak badly about this type of woman over here and that type of woman over there are bad news.

Having an preference for looking natural is one thing. Everyone has a preference. But it's quite another to say that if you look a certain way then that means you are this type of person. Which shows lack of maturity at best and a thinly veiled prejudice about their narrow definitions of how women should be and act.

He's got bad news all over him.

I must say I am shocked!!! But appreciate your advice. He thinks all his female relatives are the best things ever. They are on monstrous pedestals ! His female friends .. ivory towers....

He's a walking cliché.

A cliche of what?

I used to work in a bar and the owner told a bunch of us who’d stayed for a lock in that he used to enjoy lots of kicky sex with his wife but now they had a child he “just couldn’t do those things to the mother of his child”. That’s the most blatant example I’ve heard. (He was also a lazy sod when it came to doing childcare too - not a surprise)

It’s also played out in the whole “if you date my daughter I’ll call me after you with a shotgun” thing which is sooooo tedious.
Some men can’t stand the idea their daughters will become sexual human beings.

Men who really have this problem big time are often the ones who will eventually resort to physical violence with women, OP. It's a form of not understanding you're a real person. So when you act like one, you'll be punished. I agree with the pp who said run like the wind.

EleanorOalike
I'd be getting new friends. The ones you have sound fucked up.

I’ve got a lot of friends and thankfully it’s only a couple of the guys who are fucked up @notacooldad and I see those ones fairly rarely these days .

Sorry, I mean he's a walking cliché of the madonna/ whore complex. With his mother and female family positioned as the hyper good and clean Madonna, set against his idea of the hyper sexualised woman who he calls sluts.

I mean, his opinions of women map so clearly on the Madonna/ whore complex he seems like a clunkily drawn bad guy in a CSI episode .

Good grief ☹️

Run.....run for the hills.

Any man who calls a women a slut is a disgusting misogynist and to be avoided.

He also sounds controlling and abusive.

I think this can go from overt right through to insidiously subtle. My Exdh wasn't an arse but he had been brought up with the concept of some women you marry and some you didn't and was amazed when I didn't consider it a compliment when he told me I was the marrying type. I was furious that he thought it was ok to denigrate other women implicitly. He is a lot better now.

However DP is not sexist is very much pro women's rights but once we were discussing the country we both come from and it's known for very forthright women in its stereotypes (internally in the country I don't hear the perspective outside the country very often) and actually the Madonna/ whore complex slipped out

He got the same response and was genuinely horrified when he realised the impact of that view. It really wasn't as simple as putting some women on pedestals and some in the gutter and the inherent misogynistic judgement of such a statement it was a lot more subtle than that but amounted to the same thing.

It's scary how pervasive it is...down to "you aren't like other women"...9 times out of ten further exploration of that phrase ends up at the same point as Madonna/ whore.

God forbid we should be allowed to be there dimensional human beings