School mum relationships

[fiydwi]

How do you deal with relationships with school mums.
I’ve become very friendly with a handful of mums, they’re my rocks, we get on so well and it’s lovely as our children are also good friends.

We’ve had a night out together and have occasionally got together in the school holidays.

One of the other mums has taken offence to our friendship and is complaining that her child is being left out. The truth is, this woman is just too much, she’s difficult, outspoken, speaks before she thinks. She’s not very well liked. Her child is also rough and boisterous and isn’t close friends with my or any of the other children.

I hate people feeling excluded and always try and talk to everyone at the school gates. However in a class of nearly 30, I certainly don’t invite every single person on a play date as it would be carnage and I don’t particularly want to spend too much time in this woman’s company. I’m always nice to her but I really couldn’t bare spending anymore time with her.

Should I just not organise play dates with my friends and their children in fear of offending this other mother? Or should I invite everyone if I or one of the other mums organise something??

Who is she complaining to? You? This is very different to the invite everyone birthday fiascos we often read about. I would tell her whatever you're comfortable with, either that you don't want to spend time with her over her kid or just ignore. I wouldn't want to spend time with someone I actively disliked and whose child was not playing nicely to prevent hurt to their feelings.

Just invite who you want to invite! I understand where she is coming from, but this is the nature of friendships that include children. She probably sees it as a 'work night out' where everybody is automatically invited, whereas you see it as a few friends getting together.

However, please don't advertise the fact that you're getting together, e.g. don't discuss it in the playground, don't show everyone what a great time you're having on social media. It'll only make her, and probably others, feel even more excluded.

We got together for a play date during half term and another mother from school was there. I think she must have mentioned it to the unliked mother and since then she’s sent a few of us a message complaining how she and her child weren’t invited.
It’s just made me not want to go home n play dates anymore or meet up as it causes too much friction but I don’t have a large circle of friends so don’t get a lot of chance to socialise really.

There was literally just 5 of us so it wasn’t like we excluded just 1 person.

Carry on doing what you're doing and just ignore the other mother's whinge. You don't have to include everyone and if you did invite every parent to every meet up it would be ridiculous. If she isn't in your friendship group, then she isn't in it. She needs to make their friends. It's all a bit childish isn't it?

You have every right to carry on as you are. The five of you have luckily formed a good friendship and don't have to include others for the sake of whatever.

If your kids got on with her kid, then it would be nice to have the kid over but you are under no obligation.

Chuttypicks it really is childish. It’s created such animosity. I feel like I’m back in school myself 20 years ago 🤦🏻‍♀️

She has an older child as well and from what I’ve heard she’s caused a rift between herself and some of the other mums in that class too!
I’ve seen posts of Facebook of other mums meeting up in school holidays, it certainly hasnt bothered me.

From what you've posted it doesn't seem unreasonable, but I would like to hear it from the 'difficult' mother's point of view.

Ignore her. Carry on with your friendships.