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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tinder/inbox OH wtf?

22 replies

Lmh120108 · 06/06/2019 21:10

Me & OH been together for 10 yrs. 2 DC.. long story short, found a FB profile that OH said he didn’t actively use, yet his friends list has grown and has a significant amount of females - there’s actually only about 4 male friends. No issue with speaking to/with females, especially friends from before we were together.. just the random lying part was strange.. so after doing some digging and demanding I opened up his messenger and there was a Message from TINDER .. this wasn’t from a person more like an Ad?? in the big blur I can’t remember what it said but along the lines of “where did you go? Find singles in your area”
Now.. my question is.... has he been on TINDER ? Surely the msgs wouldn’t be popping up on his messenger otherwise ??? I don’t get anything like that on my inbox. AIBU to want to ask for more of an explanation ? Like wtf ?

OP posts:
ohhahhh789 · 06/06/2019 21:14

I've got a message in mine from portaventura!! I've no idea why!! I haven't been on the Facebook page but have interacted with a Facebook friend whose currently staying there and has checked in so I guess it can be pretty random!

yearinyearout · 06/06/2019 21:20

Since tinder uses your fb profile, it would explain why he has set up a new secret profile that you haven’t been added to. I think you have cause for concern.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 06/06/2019 21:20

Recently my dh's very old profile was used as a current profile for a dating app.
I joined to check the working of the app and it said I had been a member for 8 months, had x amount of matches etc. I had joined less than 5 mins before!! Unless you have reason to suspect him just believe him.
You will drive youself nuts otherwise.

HiItsClemFandango · 06/06/2019 21:46

Your Tinder profile is set up using your Facebook account so he may have a Tinder profile set up using that account?

Jupiters · 06/06/2019 22:48

You can use tinder with your phone number, not just with a Facebook profile.

I find I get really random ads popping up, I've currently got one for villa holidays and the previous one was for used Hyundai... Neither of which are things I've ever searched or shown any interest in before. So it could be a coincidence with your DH's ads.

WhiteRedRose · 06/06/2019 22:53

He has a tinder account under that fb profile. I suggest you create one with a fake pic and see if he comes up as a local match. See what area the girls on his friends list live in and say you live there when signing up.

SquidwardTennisballs · 06/06/2019 23:19

That’s not how tinder works. Even though you can set it up with your FaceBook account it never ever posts on your FaceBook or posts into your messenger. It’s most likely an banner Ad that has popped up because I get them all the time in my messages.

PivotPivotPivottt · 06/06/2019 23:24

I've just checked my messenger and I have an ad from William Hill. I put a bet on once a couple of months ago but can't even remember if it was on that site or not, I do have tinder but don't have an ad from that. I've just refreshed if and now have an ad from some website called Love to Dream and it's for swaddle blankets. Definitely haven't been on that my youngest is 2. I rejoined Tinder last week and did get some ads for it on my FB newsfeed afterwards but can't remember if it showed in messenger.

Mummoomoocow · 06/06/2019 23:25

My OH used tinder for a short while

He pretended he was a good dog looking for bitches. Give him the benefit of the doubt, even if he had a tinder account it could have been for any number of reasons

jellybean85 · 06/06/2019 23:54

@Mummoomoocow erm what?
I've had tinder previously for a whole single I assure you it's for dating/hook ups. No other reasons

Op the whole time I had tinder it was quite discreet, don't think it ever messaged me on Facebook this does sound more like ad infiltrating Facebook? I'm 50/50

Mummoomoocow · 06/06/2019 23:57

No as in he used it for memes and silliness

He did not genuinely pretend he was a dog and expect to secure dates.

Mummoomoocow · 06/06/2019 23:59

And a coworker of mine started tinder to see if her OH would pop up on there. My boss found out and then got one to keep an eye on his daughters

PinkHeartLovesCake · 07/06/2019 00:06

even if he had a tinder account it could have been for any number of reasons Oh bless aren’t you naive. You OH was on tinder the dating/hook up app because they wanted to shag someone. What do you think they were using it for.......

OP I doubt tinder post anything to your profile ( must apps you log in to using Facebook say they don’t) so the message could be a random ad you do get a few spam messages sometimes.

A secret Facebook full of women is a bit Hmm but I’d just ask him about it....

Mummoomoocow · 07/06/2019 00:20

@PinkHeartLovesCake as unbelievable as it sounds you would benefit from looking up tinder memes to understand

NunoGoncalves · 07/06/2019 02:17

My OH used tinder for a short while. He pretended he was a good dog looking for bitches

Wait... WHAT?

Flyingkites123 · 07/06/2019 02:30

There's only two reasons people join tinder: 1)it's to meet someone to date/hook up with.
2) to see if your oh is on there.

Best thing to do is to set up fake account and swipe through to see if you can find him.

Let us know how you get on.

Butterfly1066 · 07/06/2019 07:18

Sorry but I am entirely intrigued in the husband pretending to be a dog

Giraffeinabox · 07/06/2019 07:24

Sorry op but of he has a private message from tinder that says "where have you gone" he has had an account. Be prepared for the BS though, a family friend found my brother on there who was in a relationship that had been going for 15years. His story went along the lines of "me and my mate were in a contest to see who could get more matches"... a 32 years old lawyer, everyone!

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 07/06/2019 07:37

Wrt to the wannabe ddog. Maybe he had been trying to lick his own testicles?
Or he had fleas???

Damntheman · 07/06/2019 08:59

Ads can be a strange thing, particularly on fb. It could be entirely innocent. I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask for an explanation from your partner.

Your use of 'females' as a noun made me wince though. "female friends" to match the "male friends" later in the sentence would have been okay, or just "women". 'Female' is an adjective and using it that way is what incels do to dehumanise women.

Pinkvoid · 07/06/2019 09:03

Set up a fake account and see if he is on there or ask a friend to do it. I wouldn’t be worried about the ad, they’re often random as fuck. I’d be concerned about the second FB profile with only female ‘friends’ on there though...

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/06/2019 09:32

It sounds like you saw a Tinder as, in Facebook Messenger. That alone doesn't mean he has used Tinder.

If the text was "where have you gone" then it sounds like it was a retargeting ad, which means he has been on it.

His second Facebook profile full of women is a concern... I'd be looking out for that one on Tinder.

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