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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A bit awks 😬

62 replies

Sundancer77 · 06/06/2019 20:59

So, I’m a teacher (currently not teaching at a school etc) but I do private tutoring. I’ve been tutoring a girl once a week for around a year and a half at her house nearby.
Mum and me get on well, I wouldn’t say we’re ‘Friends’ friends, if that makes sense, but friends on Fb, have lots of mutual friends, she bought my baby gifts and kindly passes stuff on to me that her Dd has finished with.
Anyway, at the weekend, I was at the beach with dp and it got very windy so started to pack up and I walked up to the car, in the distance I noticed a small group looking over, it took me a while to notice (I was a distance away) then I clicked it was this Mum, was about to say hi (well, wave etc) but noticed she kind of looked away, or I did, I’m not sure..but it seemed to become one of those situations where you pretend not to notice one another? She’s very sociable and hasn’t met my baby yet, so I would’ve been happy to go and say hi.
I headed to the car (the turn off was quite a bit before them)
When I got in the car I felt a bit weird about it..like ‘Did she ignore me?’
Today was tutoring, so I went as normal and felt a little awkward, but she wasn’t there and husband let me in and she didn’t come back whilst I was there (is normally always there)
Sounds a silly situation and dp has just looked at me as if I’ve got two heads when I explained it’s made me feel awkward/a bit hurt?
I’m wondering if she didn’t want to see me or thought I didn’t? But either way, we definitely saw each other and its become awkward 🤷‍♀️😬

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 06/06/2019 21:25

I'm terrible at placing people when I see them unexpectedly, out of the context I normally encounter them. It's a cognitive disorder called Prosopagnosia or face blindness. I have a mild case but it can be quite severe. That would be my explanation.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 06/06/2019 21:33

@laiste Ha ha, yes! That’s was actually my thinking 😂
Even if she does know we both ignored/avoided each other, I still showed up, if I was her, I’d feel awkward about avoiding this time..how awkward will she feel the ‘Next’ time 🙈 This is getting ridiculous now..maybe she’ll cancel the lessons 😆

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 06/06/2019 21:36

I would think nothing of it. You were 'out of context' so to speak, and sometimes people are uncertain how to react.

Fatasfooook · 06/06/2019 21:38

I’m terrible at recognising people out of context

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/06/2019 21:38

I'm terrible at placing people when I see them unexpectedly, out of the context I normally encounter them. It's a cognitive disorder called Prosopagnosia or face blindness. I have a mild case but it can be quite severe. That would be my explanation.

I was coming on to post something like this. I also have a mild case. It is hard to explain how difficult the world is when it is full of people that you can’t quite decide if you know or not.

It was worse when I was a (really quite attractive) twenty something.......

Random man smiles at me. Is he a stranger hitting on me (unwelcome - must not give encouragement!) or someone I know quite well - maybe from work (must be polite, friendly and professional)......

MrsxRocky · 06/06/2019 21:40

I hate awkward small talk so pretend not to see people quite a lot. Eg people from work etc.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 06/06/2019 21:43

You’re right, topcat, but you can usually sort of judge the people that would happen with and those you’d be like ‘Oh hi!’
Thinking about it, we definitely both saw each other but it was also a bit of both of us.
So on one hand I think ‘Oh, she didn’t want to speak to me/see my daughter etc and we’re just in a strictly professional situation’
Yet on the other hand, she could think ‘What an ignorant b and I even gave her all that baby stuff..weird girl’
If you don’t overthink, I’m sure this sounds batshit crazy 🙈

OP posts:
Manumanadoodoodadoo · 06/06/2019 21:45

Does she wear glasses OP? A friend of mine is and often misses people if she's not wearing her glasses. Probably just a coincidence that she wasn't there today.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 06/06/2019 21:47

She doesn’t wear glasses, you’re all so kind, even if she did think ‘Oh god, not that teacher’ would it really matter, probably not 🤷‍♀️ 🤣

OP posts:
AmeriAnn · 06/06/2019 22:05

OP Prosopagnosia is more common than you think. I have it and so did my late mother. I recognize people by the places I expect to see them, hair, clothes or mannerisms. I have trouble with movie plots if the characters change clothes or hairstyles.

Maybe she wears contacts and took them out because of the wind and sand. Either way you need to let it go and not mention it again.

Notnownotneverever · 06/06/2019 22:07

Honestly I think you have made it awkward by talking to her husband. Before that there wasn't really anything to worry about. Nevermind though, maybe just quickly and without drama apologise for being a bit sensitive/silly next time you tutor and then just move on.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 06/06/2019 22:13

@notnow I didn’t say anything to the husband 😯 god, no. He was just there tonight instead of her and I just taught their daughter as usual.
I spoke to my oh..well for around a minute as he thought it wasn’t even worth talking about, but that’s men..he’s the total opposite of overthinking.

OP posts:
Seaweed42 · 06/06/2019 22:13

You are overthinking this and projecting all sorts onto it. You've literally created a story in your head, and now you are watching it.
This woman could have had anything going on there at the beach. It could have been her estranged brother that she hates, so she wasn't in the mood to rush over and lovebomb you.
Cut the woman some slack. This is nothing to do with you personally. Next time you see her, say 'oh thought I saw you, but I wasn't really sure it was you'. It'll be absolutely fine. It's all in your head luv.

WatcherintheRye · 06/06/2019 22:16

Are you sure she's not leading a double life? Even if she were with others of her family on the beach, wouldn't you have expected her own dd to be there as well, if not her dh?

WHAT91 · 06/06/2019 22:18

My absolute favourite part of this whole thread is OP saying, "she is friends with older guys and their dogs". Just tickled me Smile

Tillymintsmama · 06/06/2019 22:20

maybe she's having an affair with the older guy and didn't want to acknowledge you. Or you're completely overthinking this???!!!

ChocoholicsAsylum · 06/06/2019 22:23

Hmmm "she was with an older guy and another girl" - you caught her with her double life!!!!! Lol shes thinking "aw shit" and she spots you... then you spot her... and now she isnt there for you to 'casually mention it'

DO NOT or you may not be needed anymore LOL

Soz bit of light heartedness

ChocoholicsAsylum · 06/06/2019 22:24

Ah shoot people have beat me to it!

WatcherintheRye · 06/06/2019 22:25

Was there a dog there on the beach with them? Does she have a dog? So many questions........

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 06/06/2019 22:46

@WHAT91 😂 Yep, phrased wrong 🙈She’s a proper ‘Dog person’ and tends to go for dog walks with a few different older men and their dogs 🤷‍♀️ Whatever you’re into I guess

OP posts:
strawberrisc · 06/06/2019 22:52

I can’t believe you brought it up with he husband. If it wasn't “awks” before...

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 06/06/2019 22:58

@strawberrisc I didn’t bring it up with the husband? I went to the house to tutor as usual and he was there, as if I’d say anything to him, ffs 😂

OP posts:
CorBlimeyGovenor · 06/06/2019 23:02

Perhaps she didn't want to be seen by anyone she knew that day in the company of her illicit elder lover and their secret surrogate child. And she definitely doesn't want her husband listening in when you say that you thought you saw her with him. Or maybe she was having a deep conversation and felt awkward abandoning it in order to give a cheery hello. Think no more of it. And don't mention it again. If you keep schtum you may be in for a raise as she buys your silence! 😉

BlueSkiesLies · 06/06/2019 23:05

Prosopagnosia is more common than you think. I have it and so did my late mother. I recognize people by the places I expect to see them, hair, clothes or mannerisms. I have trouble with movie plots if the characters change clothes or hairstyles

This is me.

DP like to play the “which film have we seen this very famous leading actor last in” to tease me. I don’t know, I never know, I can’t recognise famous people between different films.

I tell DP he’s lucky I recognise him.

My best friend - I couldn’t describe to you how she looks.

I’d be useless in any criminal evidence requiring a description or photo fit.

BummyKnocker · 06/06/2019 23:11

Worlds collide, we all do it, pretend you don't see them, then feel a bit Blush but better that than the worlds collide.